If I was on a date I’d probably ask something inane like: ‘Was it easy for you to get here?’ or ‘isn’t it so annoying that it was so hot a few days ago and now it’s gone back to being really cold again?’ But I’m not Esther Perel. The 65-year-old relationship expert and psychotherapist was on Dua Lipa’s podcast At Your Service this week, telling listeners the five best questions to ask on a date. (FWIW: If you’ve not listened to it yet, Dua Lipa’s podcast is, actually, really quite good. As is her newsletter ‘Service 95’. Thoughtful, clever, interesting. Go Dua!) Anyway, shockingly, none of Per ..read more

As you are reading this my boyfriend is delirious with joy, ecstatic with relief. Why? Well, dear readers, this is my final column. The last time I’ll expose our sexploits, his penchant for toddler teatimes and his one-man battle to get one over on the energy provider by keeping his house on the ‘Siberian’ setting. The poor man has awoken on 104 consecutive Sundays feeling nauseous about what revelations this page might hold. All after, I expressly told him on date number three, ‘I won’t write about you.’ In these columns I’ve covered many sex and relationship topics, but the vast majority s ..read more

‘Happy Birthday. Lots of love. XX’ That was the message inside the birthday card from my beloved. I wasn’t exactly drowned in a deluge of affection. My inbox gets more gushing auto-generated missives from Boden/my dental practice/any company I’ve ever given my date of birth to. Still, the boyfriend had excelled in his gifting (no mean feat: my tombstone will be engraved ‘Rosie Green. Hard to buy for’) and thrown a soirée with plentiful rosé. And the card wasn’t from Card Factory. I felt very lucky/loved/hungover. But when I giggled that his message wasn’t overly loaded with emotion, he looke ..read more

The boyfriend and I want to go on holiday and it’s proved more anxiety-inducing than watching Holly and Phil on This Morning. Two people, five days, somewhere sunny. Simple. Only really not. I have somehow (I suspect by virtue of possessing two X chromosomes and, OK, being somewhat fussy) become officer in charge of romantic vacations. There is one major problem with this: I am rubbish at dates. I don’t mean romantic escapades involving cocktails and flirtation – on my post-marriage courting capers I found I was surprisingly good at those. I mean diarising. The planning and placing of activit ..read more

With the wedding season in full swing – hence we’ve already rounded up the very best wedding guest dresses – and Etsy has released its 2023 Wedding Trend Guide. So whether you’re in the final stages of planning your big day, or you’re attending a friend’s wedding this summer, let’s take a look at some of the top wedding trends of the year.  Lovecore   View this post on Instagram   A post shared by The Good Orange (@thegoodorange.shop) Barbie is one of the most highly-anticipated film releases of the summer, so we can’t be surprised that everyone is obsessed with pink – and y ..read more

I’m on the 7.58am train to London and someone is whispering a filthy story in my ear. It’s the lurid tale of an adulterous tryst in Paris. Threesomes, body fluids, basques, trouser bulges, spanking and unbridled passion – all before I’m appropriately caffeinated. I am listening to audio erotic fiction. I check repeatedly that my earphones are connected – ie, that I am not broadcasting this to the entire carriage because, well, that would be embarrassing. (Understatement.) I have decided, in the name of research, to investigate the slew of new apps designed to aurally titillate. There’s FrolicM ..read more

Couples therapy. Two words that strike dread into my heart, sitting on the angst scale between ‘severe delays’ and ‘cavity search’. The hours I spent with a marriage guidance counsellor and my ex, trying to salvage our napalmed relationship, are not ones I ever want to repeat. In fact, I’d rather be reincarnated as Trump’s spray tanner than be transported back to the between-session ‘work sheets’, wipe-clean leather sofa and job-lot tissues of that room of doom. So the idea that some happy couples are subjecting themselves to what’s known as ‘pre-crisis counselling’ is, frankly, astounding. G ..read more

Sunday morning. 7.02am. The boyfriend and I are debating who braves the kitchen tundra (heating now off as it is ‘summer’) to make coffee when he gets an email from Sky Sports. ‘Congratulations,’ it says. ‘Looks like you are an ultimate fan. You have tuned in to more sport than 73 per cent of our subscribers.’ While I consider this to be a somewhat dubious accolade, he’s chuffed. If I’m honest, I can’t believe that there are 27 per cent of people more committed to on-screen sports consumption than he is, but there you go. It makes me think about sport and relationships. About how your partner ..read more

‘Let’s discuss areas for improvement.’ The boyfriend and I are almost two years in, and on holiday, and this seemed like a sensible conversation to have on our sunloungers over a few G&Ts. The improvements I’d like to see from him involve not listening to cricket podcasts at 2am. Or at least wearing earbuds if he does. Also not allowing his bedtime to be dictated by his fitness wristband. (His beloved Whoop would have him go to bed before most toddlers hit their cots.) His complaints about me centre on time management (guilty as charged) and the excessive consumption of salt and vinegar r ..read more

One of the questions I’m asked most about my boyfriend is how we met. Because – true fact – when you are dating, your romantic escapades become titillating fodder for smug marrieds. You feel compelled to provide them with entertainment. (Or is that just me?) Anyway, it’s unsaid, but I know a ‘real life’ meeting is the answer they are rooting for. It’s somehow more palatable than the obvious alternative: the dating app. When I confirm it was indeed an offline match – AKA an analogue blind date set up by mutual friends – I can see them visibly relax. This is so much better in their minds becaus ..read more