It’s beautiful plus challenging to wake up from reactive attachment disorder. I’ve been transformed in my body, soul, and spirit. I have new eyes. This transformation occurred and continues through my faculty of forgiveness, which my Creator wired inside me. I thought I already knew what forgiveness meant, but it was marginal. For example, when Elizabeth, my first mom, rejected me after our reunion, churchy people pointed the finger and said, “Forgive.” I wrote a sentence of forgiveness in my journal and traveled on. I had no idea of the depth that wound inflicted, even though I had to be hos ..read more

When I saw this photo a few years ago, it drew me in. The combination of elements in the photo are open for interpretation. Perhaps the pearls are her fav necklace? And, she might be quite the style queen with the black hat? The dark red lipstick with gloss might indicate that she’s celebrating her womanhood? What do you think? Does something about her make you wonder what may seem like a weird combo? After all, black is usually typical of funeral dress, right? And the pearls? They may be the “pop-together” pearls that were popular back in the day. As you envision the rest of her in imaginar ..read more

There’s a rarity in the world of adoption that must be addressed. I’m addressing it as an adopted person, but it can apply to the adoption triad. That rarity is the unknown reality of bitterness that lodges secretly beneath grief and loss in my adoptee heart. If you examined the garden of my life, you wouldn’t be able to see it, for it twists its gangly roots around relationships, beliefs, and life purpose. Bitterness is: anguish hostility pain sarcasm harshness resentful Often, bitterness whispers, “You’ve been through the worst hurt. Eventually, I will keep you from ever being free to hea ..read more

“Adopted and foster kids have every right to be angry. We are wounded beyond belief. We’ve judged by media and places of worship, misunderstood, labeled as losers, shamed, pitied, abused, misrepresented, ignored, shunned, marginalized, orphaned and sent away with our few belongings in a black trash bag.” Sherrie Eldridge I’m pleased to be able to offer a new way that adoptees can be finding healing and freedom from uncontrollable anger triggers. ’m just an old adoptee, finally free from toxic anger’s choking grip, and ready to hunt bear. I want my fellow adoptees to be free also. You too ..read more

Adopted children have special needs that adoptive, first, and foster parents must learn  in order to become their child’s #1 cheerleader. Use this list as needed and as age-appropriate for discussing special needs with your child. You might say, “An adopted person wrote a list of her special needs. Would you be interested in seeing it? I’m curious if you identify with any of the needs that are mentioned.” Remember, with young children, keep it simple-rephrase into kid speak, and stick with the words: SAD, MAD, GLAD ANGRY. Scripture verses are included for those who want them. EMOTIONAL N ..read more

How I identify with the message of the framed print above my bedroom table named: “My Sandcastle.” It pictures blue skies, a sandy beach, and a four-year-old girl straddling a two- foot-tall sandcastle. Busy at work, she slaps handful upon handful of wet sand upon her creation, oblivious to the seagulls flying overhead or the people walking by. I’ve been like that little girl, building sandcastles in my heart for decades–seven exactly:-) The first fantasy I’m aware of was when I was 20 and pregnant. While waiting in the OBGYN’s office, I studied a pamphlet that showed unborn babie ..read more

Self-worth and suicide are delicate and seemingly untouchable topics in the adopted child’s world. And yet, in an unwelcome way, the two are related. Just like the band’s drum major twirls a silver stick with two rubber ends, adoptive mamas must do much the same–always marching, moving forward, and directing. The two ends of her baton are adoptee self-worth and suicide, which in my adoptee mind, are untouchables. Mamas are ultra aware of this tension..in fact, hyper-vigilant. They hear about rising adoptee suicides and can’t imagine such pain coming upon their teen, or their family. Secretly ..read more

It takes something special to develop a Marine-like heart in the world of adoption. A person with a Marine-like heart has completed the hard work of getting free from his painful past or condemning self. Because he has nearly experienced death in this process, he has compassion for those that are hurting. The US Marines profess this mindset: “to be prepared for anything by training for everything.” It’s Innate Did you know that this Marine-like heart is innate? It’s a deep-seated, inborn characteristic that illustrates how you were crafted in the womb. You were crafted with a big heart that l ..read more

Even if we know the supposed reason--"Your first mother was a college student and wanted to finish her degree"--our brains can't compute. If we're told it was in the best interest of the first mother or father, doesn't that qualify us as a burden ..read more

When I saw this photo a few years ago, it drew me in. The combination of elements in the photo are open for interpretation. Perhaps the pearls are her fav necklace? And, she might be quite the style queen with the black hat? The dark red lipstick with gloss might indicate that she’s celebrating her womanhood? What do you think? Does something about her make you wonder what may seem like a weird combo? After all, black is usually typical of funeral dress, right? And the pearls? They may be the “pop-together” pearls that were popular back in the day. As you envision the rest of her in imaginary ..read more