“I’ve Failed Over And Over And Over Again”
Confessions of an Adoptive Parent
by Mike Berry
1d ago
It may seem odd to talk about caregiver success on the foster and adoption journey. Mostly because, we don’t really know how to measure success do we? What we do know how to measure is failure, or at least the failure we often feel as caregivers. Our child’s behavior is out of control = failure! We lose our temper and say some things we can’t take back = failure! We are up to our ears in bad behavior and we think it’s because of us = failure! We absorb failure into our body and brain to such a degree that we stop believing we can be anything beyond it. We concede that our circumstances will ne ..read more
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Readjusting Our Expectations Of Ourselves And Our Children
Confessions of an Adoptive Parent
by Mike Berry
1w ago
We need to know that we are not alone, and we need to hear someone else tell us it’s okay. In this episode of The Honestly Adoption Podcast, we are taking a step back from talking through strategies, techniques, and steps, and just having a conversation about where we are at as caregivers, and what we can do when we feel like we’re staring down a mountain. On This Episode We Talk About… Setting bite-sized goals (and not looking at the entire year, but just a few weeks :-)) Pulling back from a bigger picture and focusing instead on smaller pixels Setting lower expecations (not a bad thing) Tak ..read more
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3 Practical Ways To Build An Attachment With Your Child
Confessions of an Adoptive Parent
by Mike Berry
2w ago
We can often look at building healthy attachments with our children as a daunting task. In the midst of the grind of daily meltdowns, behavioral situations, and constantly being pushed away and rejected, it’s kinda like staring down Mount Everest. We wonder….will we ever have a healthy relationship with our kid? But what if attachment-building wasn’t all that difficult? What if healthy attachments formed through the little things that we often don’t think are that big of a deal? I’ve been thinking about this lately as I work to continually form a healthy attachment with some of my children tha ..read more
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Your Child’s Behavior Is Not About You
Confessions of an Adoptive Parent
by Mike Berry
3w ago
In short, the behaviors you are seeing are a direct result of trauma. Once you understand that, everything can change. But how do you gain the right perspective? How do you successfully tell yourself that this is not personal even when it feels really personal? That’s what we’re covering in this episode of the podcast. Also On The Show… Sign Up For The Scoop! The Scoop is our brand new weekly email update that gives you insider access and information on everything we’re up to at Honestly Adoption BUT more importantly, valuable insights and tools to help you be the best caregiver possible. It ..read more
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Dear Caregiver: You Can Face This!
Confessions of an Adoptive Parent
by Mike Berry
3w ago
I stand on the back porch of my farmhouse in Central Indiana on a January afternoon. Rain patters on the tin room covering above my head. I watch intently as drops trace along the edge of the gutter before plummeting to the sidewalk below. It’s a gloomy day in the Hoosier state. Typical for this time of year. The rain accentuates the gray skies and barren trees that surround our farm leaving me to feel as though I am looking out into a wasteland that is always going to be just that…a wasteland. That’s where my heart and mind are on this day. I feel defeated and hopeless. Maybe it’s seasonal de ..read more
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How To Build Connection With A Child Who Consistently Rejects You
Confessions of an Adoptive Parent
by Mike Berry
1M ago
You pour more love, and time, and energy, and resources that you can begin to keep track of into this child. You are there at a moment’s notice when he or she needs you. Heck, you would swim the North Atlantic to get to them if you needed to. And yet, the rejection is real and it’s constant. Nothing you say or do will ever be enough (let alone, good enough). How do you even begin to make sense of this? In this episode, Kristin shares practical, yet in-depth, insights into how you can actually work to build a connection with a child who consistently pushes you away, rejects you, or pursues supe ..read more
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How Transracial Adoptive Families Can Thrive
Confessions of an Adoptive Parent
by Mike Berry
1M ago
In this episode, our good friend Ligia Cushman joins us to talk about how transracial adoptive families can thrive. Ligia’s wisdom, insight, and gentle spirit will inspire you and move you. If you are a transracial family you will want to lean in because Ligia share stories that are powerful and moving. A Little More About Ligia… Ligia Noemi Cushman M.A. is the daughter of immigrants from the Dominican Republic, one of eight children, and the mother of one son through adoption. In her award-winning book, Heard: How Loss Led Us to Love, Ligia captures the night her son was born and the many har ..read more
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How To Respond To And Effectively Manage Crisis
Confessions of an Adoptive Parent
by Mike Berry
2M ago
We’ve been in the place many times over the past 20+ years of parenting. And the most important lesson we’ve learned is that there is a right way to respond, and a wrong way to respond. Beyond that, there are crucial steps we must take to help our child heal, and keep us regulated and calm through, what could be, very difficult circumstances for our entire family for a season. As we dive into this new series, The Insight Archives, where we are sharing 4 sessions from the 2021 and 2022 Insight Virtual Conference, our hope is that you find clarity and insight as a caregiver. But most importantly ..read more
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How Former Foster Youth Carry A Lifelong Connection Into Adulthood
Confessions of an Adoptive Parent
by Mike Berry
2M ago
We were so fortunate to recently interview author Angelo Grotticelli on the podcast, who wrote the book The Bond. Out of all the books written on foster care and adoption, The Bond is, by far, the most unique. Your heart will warmed by Angelo’s words, his story, and his heart for children (particularly teenagers) in foster care. A Little More About Angelo… Angelo Grotticelli is a veteran technology trade journalist who, after years of roaming to find his true identity, ironically resides in the same town as the Huntington, N.Y., foster-care home he grew up in. He has a wife and three children ..read more
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Am I Making My Child’s Food Insecurity Worse With My Rules?
Confessions of an Adoptive Parent
by Mike Berry
2M ago
Don’t I know it.  Now, on the other side of 2 decades+ of parenting children with a trauma history, I see this clearer than ever. I understand why the child who was deprived of nutrition as an infant, starts nearly every day out with the question, “What’s for dinner?” I understand why, at times, a simple fast-food meal is treated like it’s their last. That wasn’t always the case for me, though. I was blinded by rules, budgets, and the way I was raised. I came from a home where breakfast, lunch, and dinner were what they were, and maybe we could have a snack in between, but that was rare ..read more
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