Emilia had always been a creature of spring. The fresh blooms, soft pastels, and the celebration of Easter — these were the things that filled her heart with a profound sense of joy. But as spring gradually gave way to summer, and the blossoms yielded to a fiery red sun, Emilia could feel a familiar exhaustion creeping into her spirit. In Phoenix, Arizona, where she lived, the summers were relentless. Come late June or early July, temperatures regularly soared above 110 degrees or more for weeks at a time. The sun blazed and the desert landscape outside her window seemed to ri ..read more

Emilia had always been a creature of spring. The fresh blooms, soft pastels, and the celebration of Easter — these were the things that filled her heart with a profound sense of joy. But as spring gradually gave way to summer, and the blossoms yielded to a fiery red sun, Emilia could feel a familiar exhaustion creeping into her spirit. In Phoenix, Arizona, where she lived, the summers were relentless. Come late June or early July, temperatures regularly soared above 110 degrees or more for weeks at a time. The sun blazed and the desert landscape outside her window seemed to ri ..read more

I’ve counseled a lot of pastors over the years, which is a privilege, but can also be heartbreaking. Pastors are human, and they struggle with the same pressures that everyone does. Yet there can be an unspoken expectation that pastors have to be perfect. 1 Timothy 3:2 indicates that a leader should be “above reproach” and “must exercise self-control, live wisely, and have a good reputation.” Paul sets the standard high, and we are wise to follow his instruction, but we tend to drain all grace out of these guidelines. Apart from Christ, the New Testament doesn’t present spiritual leaders as ..read more

by Rev. Tres Adames, MDiv, BCPC ​How pastors, families, and churches can be there for those who are deconstructing In the summer of last year, well-known evangelical pastor, David Jeremiah, declared that those leaving evangelicalism (termed "Exvangelicals") could be an indication of the beginning of the end times. While this was merely speculative, and might have intended to help current believers feel better about what they were seeing, this approach does little to build empathy with those who have already felt hurt by the church. The posture of a Christian (especially pastors) sho ..read more

​by Rev. Tres Adames, MDiv, BCPC Have you ever asked God for something but didn’t receive it? If we are honest, we all have. Yet prayer is not something similar to wishing on a star. There is nothing inherently wrong with asking God for things — sometimes we do get what we ask for. But a lot of times we don’t. It's heartbreaking when it’s something huge, like praying for healing from a serious illness or praying for some type of suffering to end. ​ ​As a pastoral counselor, I try to get people to connect with their spiritual resources, that is, practices and activities that can help them grow ..read more

A short explanation of the term It's important to learn to recognize abuse and manipulation. There's a type of manipulation called gaslighting, a term that comes from a 1944 film called Gaslight,* starting Ingrid Bergman. It's about a woman who is manipulated by her husband into believing that she is going crazy. We come to find out the husband is actually just using the marriage in order to find something valuable that belongs to her. She believes she's going crazy because what happened in those days was if you turned on a light in one room, it would dim all the other lights throughout the ..read more

I’ve counseled a lot of pastors over the years, which is a privilege, but can also be heartbreaking. Pastors are human, and they struggle with the same pressures that everyone does. Yet there can be an unspoken expectation that pastors have to be perfect. 1 Timothy 3:2 indicates that a leader should be “above reproach” and “must exercise self-control, live wisely, and have a good reputation.” Paul sets the standard high, and we are wise to follow his instruction, but we tend to drain all grace out of these guidelines. Apart from Christ, the New Testament doesn’t present spiritual leaders as ..read more

​by Rev. Tres Adames, MDiv, BCPC Have you ever have asked God for something from but didn’t receive it? If we are honest, we all have. Yet prayer is not something similar to wishing on a star. There is nothing inherently wrong with asking God for things — sometimes we do get what we ask for. But a lot of times we don’t. It's heartbreaking when it’s something huge — like praying for healing from a serious illness, or praying for some type of suffering to end. ​ ​As a pastoral counselor, I try to get people to connect with their spiritual resources, that is, practices and activities that c ..read more

by Brooks Gibson, MEd Do you know your parenting style? If not, you could be reinforcing behaviors in your children that you don’t like and may want to eliminate. Developmental psychologists have been interested in how parents influence the development of children’s social, cognitive, and behavioral competence since before the Great Depression. Researchers studying the parent-child relationship have examined the parents' “parenting style” and its effect on children as they grow into adults. Diana Baumrind and others have spent decades studying these relationships and the effect of parenting ..read more

by Tres Adames, MDiv, BCPC A friend you've known for years comes to you for help. They are desperate, emotional, and ask you to intervene. Maybe it's a problem with their partner, a habit they are trying to kick, or a struggle with anxiety or depression. You care about your friend, so of course you want to help. But before you jump in, it might be time to step on the brakes. There is nothing wrong with wanting to support your friend, but make sure you don't get in over your head. There is a difference between helping your friend versus taking on their problem. This is hard especially for emp ..read more