I’m struggling. There, I said it.  The weird thing is, I don’t know everything I’m struggling with. It seems to be a few things, but the one that I think is at the fore front of it all is loneliness. How can I be lonely? I have a beautiful wife that I see and talk to every night. However, it has been quite some time since we’ve had a date night. We get respite sometimes. It’s just never the same person, and I have trust issues. I have two beautiful boys that I absolutely love to spend time with. They mean the world to me and I would do anything for them. I’ve made many changes just to ma ..read more

I get that question a lot lately. It typically comes from someone new to my life. A fellow sports parent. A stranger at a party. A grandparent at the park. See when I tell people I have four kids, ages 2 to 13, people ask questions. What schools do they go too? What sports do they play? Do you know so and so? My son is 13 too! I tell them about each of my kids, with pride and love and humor. I share stories like all moms. The stories are what connect us. Babies who don’t sleep. Threenagers who push the limits. Tips to get grass stains out of white baseball pants. The challenges of r ..read more

Really sweet story I wanted to share with you. My son Sawyer is 11 years old. When I describe him I use words like smart, athletic, kind, and empathetic. I honestly think he got the best parts of his Dad and me. And of all four of my kids, I worry the most about him. That surprises people sometimes when I share that. But he’s my tender one. He carries the most. And he worries the most about his brother Cooper who is autistic. The other day, during a game, a mom I didn’t know, asked if I was Sawyer’s mom and went onto tell me how he is the sweetest boy. She went onto tell me that h ..read more

I have four kids. My older two are 13 and 11. Brothers. Cooper is 13. He loves trains and DVD cases and bright colored paper. He is part fish and would live in the water if I let him. He does not like sports. Not one bit. But he adores sitting in the sun with a queen sized comforter and a pillow. My 11 year old lives for a party. He plays hockey and baseball and anything competitive. He adores babies and puppies and asking me for Roblox. Talks and staying up late and trying to grow up faster than he should. They live in separate worlds most of the time. The cloak of autism wrapped around ..read more

This morning I walked downstairs to my sweet boy sitting on the couch, surrounded by his treasures. He waved. It was quick though. He was very busy watching his shows. He takes his show watching very serious. Especially on early mornings. ‘Cooper, it’s mom’s birthday today!’ I said. Now I don’t know what I expected. Not words of course. But a cheer. A smile. A gasp. But nothing. He looked back down. It stung. Like a tiny bee sting or a poke in the side. But the pain is duller these days. It doesn’t take my breath anymore. It’s just enough to take notice. That’s how it’s changed ove ..read more

As a mama I often feel like my mind is a Rolodex of memories. With four babies, I have so many of them. Births to birthdays, first smiles to first steps. Preschool graduation. Home runs. Road-trips. Some are readily available. Resurfacing often, bringing simultaneous smiles and tear to my eyes. But others, they are buried down deep, seemingly forgotten, until something reminds me. A sound. A smell. Another child. My younger babies doing what the now older ones once did. And there it is. A memory of something not forgotten. Bringing me to another place and time. This afternoon th ..read more

I committed a pretty big social media mistake once. Well, way more than once since then, but I remember this one specifically because it was my first. It was well over 6 years ago, but I still shake my head at how tone deaf I was. I posted a quote on Instagram to my hundred followers that said something like, ‘I should get a little credit for doing this all unmedicated.’ I thought it was funny, I guess. My followers did not. They lashed out. At first I couldn’t understand why. But I quickly learned. I had messed up big time. In more ways than one. See, I was unmedicated. I wasn’t receiving c ..read more

My 13-year-old son Declan is non-speaking, autistic and uses an AAC device to communicate. We haven’t moved at all yet Declan is in seventh grade and has already attended twelve different schools. That is a lot of change for someone who doesn’t tolerate routine change well. We love our special education co-op but the lack of a physical school or local classmates takes a giant toll. I wish we had a regular school community and I had the support of parent peers. Overall, we are really isolated. It’s taken me years to make peace with it but we don’t do normal, everyday things like families with n ..read more

Yesterday, I went on a field trip to the Minnesota Zoo with my oldest son Cooper and his class. It was pretty amazing really. He is 13 and autistic and it’s a really big deal that his class goes on field trips because not all special education programs do. But it’s so good. It’s so good for the kids and the community and the businesses and the parents. Cooper and I walked together every second of the way. We held hands or he held onto my arm. He was never out of my sight. Let me tell you he did amazing. I can’t believe how far he has come in situations that used to be impossible. As ..read more

,When I think about that little newborn baby—the first one I birthed, the first true obsession of my life—I recall the haze of sleepless nights and the excitement of new life. Babies are so raw and new; they wholly need you. You carry them and everything they will one day become. The fears, the worries, the hope, the determination. He matters merely because he exists, and to exist is a miracle on its own. Looking at that tiny being, my expectations were simple: health and happiness. But that little baby, who challenged me in countless ways, also faced trials of his own. From the moment ..read more