A great conversation only happens when your primary goal is to make a good connection ..read more

The Biochemistry of Motivation ArtemisDiana/Depositphotos If you are trying to influence people to change their behavior, unless they clearly see value in changing and a path safe from failure or loss, they will resist your suggestions. Emotions are often triggered when people are presented with a view of a possible future that conflicts with their current views of what is right and how they define who they are today. However, an observable vision of a possible reward or meaningful outcome may stimulate positive feelings and encourage even risky actions in the same way that good stories inspir ..read more

You take risks regularly, from backing your car into the street to trying a new restaurant. You only hesitate when your fear of the unknown leads you to focus on the worst that could happen. I’ve had many coaching conversations start with, “I need to make a decision.” Yet after describing the options, it’s clear my clients want to take a risk but their speculative fear of loss or their guilt around how others might react freezes their brains. I often ask, “A year from now, what will you most regret not doing?” They always know the answer. The coaching then focuses on the clarifying both what ..read more

Hope can be a destructive emotion – when should you replace it with something more powerful? Most books on ending toxic relationships or leaving dead-end situations talk about the dark side of hope. Letting go of a dream or desire requires you relinquish hope. When you give up hoping, you can move on. With hope, you might seek and even manufacture evidence that there will be a happy ever after. Hope can blind you to the hurtful truth or dangerous consequences. I had a friend who lost everything in a divorce because she kept hoping her husband would forgive her and be kind. It didn’t happen. Th ..read more

Empathy doesn’t mean getting caught up in people’s emotions and dramas. There is a difference between empathy and sympathy. Sympathy is absorbing another’s emotions. When sympathizing, you often try to do or say something to ease both your and their discomfort. With compassionate and courageous empathy, they feel cared for and safe but valued as competent. Empathy is understanding. Merriam-Webster says, “With empathy, you can imagine or understand how someone might feel, without necessarily having those feelings yourself.” You have empathy when you witness what others share without judgin ..read more

sangoiri/Depositphotos Humans are social animals; we long to connect with others which is why the social disconnections during the pandemic negatively affected so many people emotionally and mentally. The irony is that what makes us human tends to keep us apart. By nature, our conversations are filled with misunderstandings, mixed feelings, and unmet expectations. At the core of our disconnection is our illusion that we believe we know what is real. We don’t like it when others challenge what we believe is true. How your brain sabotages your attempts to connect To survive, your brain is consta ..read more

I recently saw the movie Golda. There was a scene where Israeli Prime Minister Golda Meir was describing her family’s flight from the Ukraine when she was a child. She recalled watching her father boarding up the front door after hearing the Russians were executing Jews in the streets. Golda later noted that this experience, and then political conversations in high school in the US were significant to her enduring identity. She said she integrated these moments “…to the extent that my own future convictions were shaped and given form.” I gasped when she described the fear in her father’s eyes ..read more

Your old patterns may have served you, but now is the time for transformation. These questions will help you shift from WHO YOU ARE TODAY to WHO YOU CAN BECOME ..read more

These four words will strengthen your relationships and coaching conversations as you explore the meaning and value of what is said together ..read more

What does it mean to stay steady? Do you have to fulfill every goal you set? This post gives the criteria needed to feel steady even when changes need to be made ..read more