Maybe you know how hard it is to move forward continually through pain & judgement from others? …to move forward through feeling unfit, unwanted, unworthy? being looked down upon, being told you don’t belong & being treated as less than… This guy…He was cut off completely from everything & everyone he’s ever loved No support system. No hope. Disfigured and decomposing, the man with palsy was with chronic and the incurable— and everyone believing he deserved it—so it wasn’t just fear from others, it was also shame. What was there to look forward to? Could hope even be found w/ somet ..read more

I had an amazing week talking with and learning from my Jewish friends, as well as receiving input from a Rabbi. My love for Jewish traditions and beliefs always immensely grows when I further my knowledge. This week my eyes have been open with excitement when I made parallels to Boy Jesus teaching in the temple and Jewish practices. Although there is a gap between his birth and Jesus being found as a boy in the temple, we can assume it would have been what happened to any Jewish boy his age. Jesus was Jewish and was raised practicing and participating in Jewish traditions, cul ..read more

LAST YEAR’s New Years priesthood blessing I was promised a very specific blessing, NON of which came to be, now that the year ended. Like, the wording was very specific, along the lines of, “this is the year where…will happen” specific. And it did.not.happen. And I grew sour about it. I brought it up to Ben throughout the whole year. Not only did that not happen but that specific thing was a struggle & a trial to us. And I grew bitter towards that priesthood blessing I got. And then I got my this years New Years blessing—and was not the first thing addressed in it ..read more

Shortly after his baptism, Jesus goes into the wilderness to be with God. He purposely withdrew from people and distractions of his community to better learn of, and from, His Father. Weeks and weeks of seclusion to learn and to listen for what will have been forty days. As we know at the end of this experience, Christ goes and teaches in the synagogue where he finally, and publicly, speaks of who He really is. I am He, He will say. ‘This day is this scripture fulfilled.’ I am the fulfilment of this prophesy of Iasiah. Our Savior of the world leaves from this experience ready to begin His wor ..read more

PLEASE, LISTEN TO ME! Here is the truth.. ‘O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt?” was NOT in response to Peter’s sinking. It was not a jab to his faltering. Christ was not making a negative comment to make him to feel bad about his efforts, missteps or shortcomings. It was an immediate & loving response to Peter’s pleadings to be saved! “Lord, save me!”    —“Wherefore didst thou doubt?” As if saying, ‘of course I will save you, rescue you! How could you doubt that. I am right here. I am out here with you. My hand has never shortened. Did you really think ..read more

Proving the missionaries wrong was all any of it was to me. I was happy & content when I met them! I thought religion was only something people turned to when something was going wrong in their life— a supposed God as some sort of mental comfort But that wasn’t me. I was not seeking. I was happy and content and I didn’t need help from anyone or anything, definitely not religion. I was set out to ruin the missionaries’ life, acting how they taught me only so I could go back to them after ‘nothing happened’ & prove to them that their way of existence was alllllll in their head! I was do ..read more

A few elders later confessed to me, that they wrote in their journals after my very first time going to church that they would never see me there again. And I was right there with them. I was nottttttt going back to church. Adamant. Nothing in me wanted to go back for any reason. To them and to myself, I was absolutely the LAST person that would ever get baptized. Even ask any of those who knew me! Everyone at some point, especially me, were sure about that. But without even realizing what I was doing,I was already dressed with the same dress on (I only owned 1), driving back to church the ..read more

If we aren’t seeing what we are asking for, we feel God is not listening. If we ware’t getting what we are pleading for, we say God is not there. But God is NOT only good when we get what we want and miracles are NOT defined as avoidance & prevention. If Christ would have prevented Lazarus from dying—mass conversion would have never happened. If Old Testament Joseph never went into a hole, to salvery, to prison—he never would have saved an entire civilization & become a leader. If Lehi never suffered in the wilderness—there would have destruction, death and no promised land If ..read more

My frustration mostly lies in myself. I want so badly to be intentional with how I spend my time and talents. And the times that I’m not, I’m disappointed in myself. And then I feel like I’m disappointing God. Which is…gosh, an awful feeling. I’m grateful this week I have had several times when I was shown and reminded how God sees me and feels about me–it was pride & grace….not disappointment. So here’s a gentler reminder to anyone else who may need it: God’s love for you is unwavering, regardless of anything, because it’s part of being an unchanging God. And all good thin ..read more

HE BAPTIZED ME! I haven’t seen him in… maybe 5 years???6? We couldn’t remember. But like, he didn’t *just teach & baptized me—b/c he was an ASL elder that rarely got transferred, he was one of the very, very few who stuck around & was there for this deep, deep, reconstruction of my entire existence & this painful & consistent sacrifice & loss. The most intimate thing we could ask someone to do is get baptized. B/c when we ask that, we’re asking them to change almost everything— not just what they do, but even the way they think. It’s overcoming, relearning, and rewiring the ..read more