Blimey, this week’s been a bit of a roller coaster.  As you know, last week I was having extreme difficulties with what felt like bowel-based armageddon. I’m going to relate the happy ending of that story (spoiler: I didn’t die in the end even though I was genuinely beginning to wonder which would go first, the virus or me). I should also run this with the caveat that it is mostly supposed to be funny, and/or reassuring to those in a similar position. But I have no idea which bits of what I write/say make people laugh. I know they usually do, somewhere along the way, the trick is just to ..read more

This week I have been mostly… …Having a crap. Yeh, I know. You didn’t even ask me how I am and I’m going to tell you the intimate secrets of my Benjamin Owls. But actually, I could do with the hive mind’s advice on this one. I’m going to do personal detail here. Not much but I’m going to say the word poo a lot because that appears to be my new hobby. If you are offended by that or find it difficult, please don’t read on. I just wanted to share this, because if I’ve got this, I’ll bet there are others out there who are equally perplexed and at sea with their body’s behaviour. So this is a you a ..read more

Yes, I have not covered myself in glory this week, indeed, while I concede I may have come up covered in something, glory is definitely not it. Cf my attempts to laminate bacon (yes, you read that right). But on the upside at least it was funny. More on that story … later. #00A650 … SORRY oops, I mean Sorry. The cat has just sat on keyboard. Where was I? Ah yes. Before we get to the funny bit, just a quick update. The Kickstarter funded! Woot! Not only did it fund but it finally came to rest at £985 from 41 backers. This now means I can do the book officially. I’ve tweaked the colours over the ..read more

Yep! You read that correctly, I, M T (writes at a speed which compares unfavourably with continental drift) McGuire have a new book out. This book. Eyebomb, Therefore I Am Currently it is available, with perks, on Kickstarter, until 22nd February and will roll out to other retailers and my own store in a few months. Although, to be honest, by the time I’ve given Ingram/Amazon a cut, the cataloguing people at Betram’s or Gardeners a cut, and the book store a cut, it will cost about £50 a copy from anywhere else, whereas I can sell it at £30 on Kickstarter or my shop and still ‘lose’ some of t ..read more

Well, it’s been a long time and I suspect most of you have wandered off, assuming I have disappeared off into the ether. Nope, like a bad smell, I never go away, I linger. I have just … yeh well, to be honest I’ve completely lost the plot. I wouldn’t say I’m actually burning out yet but let’s say … we’re on the red line and there’s definitely an alarming aroma of burning oil and hot metal. Hence my stepping back. So having not blogged for a long time it’s time to catch up. Yes. You know what you’re going to get now, don’t you? That’s right. An entire sodding book. Mwahahahrgh. Jolly dee then ..read more

This is a blog post I wrote a couple of days ago. I’ve wrestled with my conscience as to whether I should actually post it. Mainly because it’s only going to worry people. I promise we’re all OK, but I do need to vent sometimes. This, being my blog, seems as good a place as any to do that. So it comes with a <rant mode> warning. Naturally, it’s written with a mental voice I use specifically for ranting which sounds like John Cleese doing Basil Fawlty going off on one. If any of it makes you laugh, that is the correct reaction. It is meant, foremost to amuse, but also to inform a bit in t ..read more

Except we so smecking are. Mwahahargh! Yes he’s a bit fucked off. I was going to do a post about writing this week—and accompanying things—but the accompanying things got a bit out of hand and so I’ve gone off on a completely non-writing related tangent. Do you remember a refrain from the Blackadder II episode where he’s made Lord High Executioner? ‘We’re not at home to Mr Cockup!’ he tells his team. And they fuck it up, of course, and Baldrick says, ‘Shall I prepare the guest room for Mr Cockup, my lord?’ Yeh, well …  Mr Cock-up seems to have taken up permanent residence in the spare r ..read more

Obviously, I use the word, ‘exciting’ advisedly, the ironic implication being somewhat the reverse. This week, I have mostly been … running around like a blue-arsed fly! As previously implied, it’s not exciting and sadly it’s not even that funny either. But this is my blog, so I can do what I sodding well like, which means I’m going to tell you about it anyway. On the Mum front … more admin popped up, just for a change. There is so. much. admin. Ugh. Never mind, it is what it is. I can’t fix that. It’s dealing with it in the most effective way possible that counts. A few years ago, Mum very w ..read more

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