At the age of 66 I still find myself faced with personal crises at times, with work that feels beyond my capacity, and still faced with my own instability. Which is, I suppose, to say that I am still very much alive, and there are still opportunities which aren’t done with me. I think what&ellipsis;Read the full post ..read more

I thought the fires had finished But they have not * In spite of the ploughing And the offer of new life * I will dance with spirits In the shadows of the sea * I will rage And paint * I won’t have taste And good form * I will walk the streets of 1970 And I will deface good manners With London’s belly Sweaty, fat and unshaved They dare to try to clothe This monstrous child of The Thames But memory sinks, it doesn’t rise * Among the gas lights of Green Park The Moon dome Rising over black walls On the derelict Thames In the memories and ghosts Of Berwick Street We’ll laugh Past the cholera pump ..read more

This is the draft of a post I originally wrote back in March of this year. I was in a particularly bleak place in terms of the view of my country, but seeking peace with it. Things seem to have moved since then, in some ways more hopefully, but also signalling a particularly hazardous period we are entering. I think I was correct in my assessment of the rest of Europe. Mainland Europe has preserved far more than we have in Britain, and that bodes well for it, hopefully. The cultural destruction of the UK has been real, and at the hands of our own politicians over many decades, and I have littl ..read more

I think there are two sides to what I have learned throughout my life spiritually, and those two sides see things very differently, but ultimately they are one thing. It’s just a little difficult to see that when you’re immersed in the exploration. One relates to what I believe is referred to as the Oneness of Being. This is a deeply liberating experience, joyful, blissful but stable, free. You realise there is only one essential quality and substance of consciousness throughout everything (at least everything that lives), and that it is not separatively located in space and time. All your ide ..read more

Back in December of 2018 I uploaded a video to YouTube called “Art, Porn and Puritanism”. It was on the subject of increasing restriction by moralistic and puritanical tech companies and platforms, and what I considered the infantilisation of the internet public. We had just witnessed the creepy CEO of Apple talk publicly about “sin” on the internet, and the need to take a proactive stance on this. Note, not crime, but sin. This initially got hit by YouTube for being an adult video, despite there being only opinion and critique, plus mention of artistic blogs marked as adult, and how censorshi ..read more

What was it that I really loved about being in contact with the “kink community”? Mainly I’m thinking about being on FetLife if I remember rightly, though there are many conversations with people beyond that. I never liked the specifically LGBT websites. The “culture” always got to those, the politics, the conformity in the name of difference, the brittleness. But the general ones, they had something. It didn’t matter if someone was heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, transsexual etc. It was an individual, candid act of being, to share. I loved that possibility of unguarded communication. A li ..read more

It’s obvious that the media we use in our lives can have a profound effect upon the societies we live in. We only have to think of the impact of the moveable type printing press which Johannes Gutenberg invented in 15th century Germany. This alone wrested a kind of power away from centralised control, and would make the dissemination of ideas, knowledge and written creative output accessible to so many more people. Jump forward about five centuries, and think about Television. I’m old enough to remember it still being cool in black and white, and conjectured as being a destroyer of family life ..read more

I was born with Saturn in the 8th house, Scorpio’s house, ruled by Pluto, and I think it probably gives a certain bite to your view of life. As in, you’re very aware of the poisons that life could hold for you. It’s not the most trusting placement in the world, and I’m guessing it loads the reptile brain in a certain kind of way. I never feel very far from that reptile brain somehow. Childhood is another land, and a land I refer back to in myself often (as in the things that meant something to me during childhood, and adolescence, the time during which childhood is dying so fragrantly), but in ..read more

There are things which you can only see, or feel, over time. It takes time to see the ways in which you don’t change. Time, and experience that is rough enough to defeat your “self-fictions”. Thankfully the nature of experience itself is rough, so it’s just a question of living long enough. Your life, as it arcs towards its circle, is a dark glass into which you at times get to gaze, and there are times when you get to look in the mirror and say “oh, that’s what I’m going to look like”. And it’s funny, because something as literally superficial is the actual face of all the crises and irresolu ..read more

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