It’s been 62 years since JFK historically announced his intention that the US would put a man on the moon before the end of the decade.His inspiration succeeded. And since the first one did so in 1969, we’ve put 11 more of them up there on the lunar surface.I’ll bet you can only name the one.Am I right? Neil Armstrong is the only one most of you can name (Interesting aside, to me at least ..read more

 (508 words)With an eeriness I doubt I’ll ever shake, I’d been obsessed with the Simon & Garfunkel 1970 classic “Bridge Over Troubled Water” since at least five days before a Baltimore bridge became fatally troubled by what was happening upon waters it was built to bridge. I’ve tried in vain to find a way to cajole the song — maybe the most flawlessly recorded pop song ever — into a ..read more

  I woke up the other day with a wild hair up my ass that went clear to my brain and now the wild one is about the only hair I have left.I shaved my head and now I’m bald as a baby, albeit a baby with chest hair and pubes.It’s not uncommon for empathic souls to shave their heads in solidarity with someone they admire, someone battling disease.But it’s been a long time since I’ve hung ..read more

 (1237 words)Nobody asked me and I’m not sure what I would’ve said, but they went and put a snazzy pool table in the 3rd floor rec room in the Tin Lizzy. It’s just 15 steps from the desk where I spend so much time trying to concentrate so I can maybe earn a living.Its pull on my attention is strong and I confess I spend at least an hour a day trying to sharpen my game.I’m consumed by a drive ..read more

 I saw one head peeking out the window — and it was just a quick peek, like if it had lingered for too long it might have drawn gun fire. A Pennsylvania state trooper had pulled over a dilapidated vehicle with a shifty looking motorist and it was all going down in our driveway. This was convenient for me ‘cause it was my car and I was the suspect. Home, sweet home! Frankly, I was ..read more

 I've been compiling these best-of lists for like 15 years now and no one not once has ever said, man, am I glad you take the time to list all those tweets 'cause I read every one of 'em.But they're useful to me to have them all in one place.'cause you never know when someone's gonna say, "We're putting together a 'Use All The Crayons! III.' Do you know where we can find another couple ..read more

 • That I can't recall ever having spent any quality time at a popsicle stand, yet have blown hundreds of them, leads me to believe I have some serious commitment issues. • The Irish word “bejesus” is a mildly profane expression of surprise and is not to be confused with “Bee Jesus,” the latter referring to a messianic insect who can turn honey into wine and struggles to reconcile how a noted ..read more

 • Men who fantasize about giving themselves oral sex are chasing pipe dream• Engaging a popular search engine just to find out if some former child star or other B-list celebrity is still alive ought to be called, “Ghoul-gling"• When I was a young heathen, I feared my choices meant I’d be going to Hell. How naive. I read the news and realize my foolishness. I’m not going to Hell. Hell’s coming ..read more

 For clearing house reasons, I find it helpful to adhere to the calendar when posting my tweets of the month.So if you're a stickler, hold off a day or two befir reading.I was railing against this world of woe to some friends who advised me to embrace the wisdom of the Serenity Prayer — “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. The courage to change the things I can. And ..read more

 (717 words)I’m aware of many unfortunates who lament being flat broke. They’re barely getting by,. They live lives of quiet desperation.I envy them. I aspire to being flat broke.I’m a whole different and exotic kind of broke. Mine is a life of shrill desperation.I’ve maxed out my credit cards, bummed what I can from family and until, say, Oprah gives “Evan & Elle” a 5-star review there is no ..read more