After your divorce is finalized one more legal step needs to be taken: your will and trust after divorce. Newly divorced women (and men) should have their wills, trusts, and powers of attorney rewritten.  The new documents should reflect your new life.  You will want to provide for your children while ensuring that your ex does not receive any assets.  And, you will want to ensure a trusted friend or family member is in charge of ensuring that your wishes are fulfilled.   There are several reasons to prioritize a new will and trust after divorce. First, it ensures that you ..read more

What is a QDRO? When people with retirement plans get a divorce in Texas, they often assume their retirement plans are separate property, and they get to take their retirement savings with them. This is usually not the case. Because Texas is a community property state, the court can award part of one spouse’s retirement plan to the other spouse. When this occurs, a special order – called a Qualified Domestic Relations Order, or QDRO for short – must be prepared for the judge’s signature. The order tells the retirement plan administrator how to divide the retirement plan between the two sp ..read more

When couples are in distress and on the brink of divorce, their sense of urgency can lead to impulsive decision making, which can then result in both unnecessary and damaging outcomes. Some couples jump to divorce (which should never be treated as an emergency), and others jump prematurely into couples therapy. Either way, the premature decision contributes to unnecessarily bad outcomes. Impulsive Decision Making and The Premature Decision to Divorce There’s good evidence to suggest that couples often choose to divorce prematurely. In the early 2010s, Bill Doherty, the founder of discernment c ..read more

How to heal after being cheated on is complicated, but having been there, I can offer some advice that might be helpful. Though it was several years ago, I still vividly remember when my boyfriend told me he had cheated on me. I was utterly shocked. You know the feeling, the one where your jaw is on the ground and your body feels frozen while your brain tries to process what you just heard. Finding out someone cheated on you is like getting punched in the stomach. Hard. It’s a devastating experience I wouldn’t wish on anyone. The relationship you thought you had is gone, instantly replaced wit ..read more

Do you love yourself? He might not love you anymore. You might not love him anymore. The love is gone. But where is the love for yourself? During and after a divorce, that really  really matters. Let me explain.   I asked this question in the Divorced Girl Smiling Facebook group:   What is something you’ve done that says “I love you” to yourself?   Why did I ask it? Because I was curious to hear the responses, to know how much self-love was going on with a group of women going through a divorce. Turns out, there was a lot!   “Said ‘no’ to everyone and everything that d ..read more

How to attract a man over 50: embrace your age, no matter what that age is. Let me explain. I’m not sure why, but so many women I know who are dating after 50 assume that men our age–men over 50, only date younger women. While I do think there are some men in their fifties who prefer to date women in their thirties or forties, I believe there are countless men over 50 who prefer to date women their own age. Including this reader:   I’m a 53 year old male, healthy and active, and I would much rather have a 50ish lady than a younger woman. Why? Connection, experience, and freedom to do thin ..read more

The blended family. It sounds so perfect. After all, the Brady Bunch seemed pretty happy, didn’t they? What the iconic seventies sitcom never showed us was that Mrs. Brady almost assuredly got on the boys’ nerves, at times, and the girls probably wished they could spend some time alone with just their mom—without the rest of the clan. And, we would be willing to bet there were times when one of the girls said to their mother, “He can’t tell me what to do, he’s not even my real dad!” Get the picture? The blended family advantages and disadvantages are many.   We each understand the blended ..read more

Those of us who have been through divorce and those of us going through a divorce know all about divorce stress. Every moment seems filled with thoughts of what happened, what now, and what’s next? You worry about everything, from where will I live to who is going to get the kid’s photo albums. I haven’t even mentioned the sadness, grief, anger, loss, frustration, disappointment and broken-heartedness that may be an overlay to all of your divorce stress. It all builds on itself to form the perfect storm, thrusting you into an inescapable downward spiral of worry and overwhelm – the mindset tra ..read more

Running into your ex can be an emotionally taxing experience that throw you off your game. When you know in advance you’ll be in the same place, you can prepare yourself and manage your feelings. When it is unexpected, regardless of the location, such encounters can stir up a range of overwhelming feelings and really upset your equilibrium. Typically, the spectrum of feelings runs from shock to nostalgia, to insecurity, to scrutiny, and eventually discomfort or even competition. However, you can avoid discomfort and distress and handle yourself with grace and dignity if you keep a few things i ..read more

 Diving into the world of divorce is like stepping onto a rollercoaster you never intended to ride—no one gets married thinking it will end in divorce. It’s complex, filled with unexpected turns, and, sometimes, it can get really scary. The reasons people find themselves on this ride are as varied as the individuals themselves. Some reach the decision after countless nights of soul-searching, realizing the only path to happiness is apart. Others are thrown into the chaos, blindsided by a partner’s decision to leave. And then there are those who, hand in hand, decide that their journeys, w ..read more