The move from “I have to” to “I want to” is a move from duty to delight How often do we view meeting the needs of our spouse as an obligation, yet another item on our already crammed-full to-do list? The problem with seeing our spouse as a duty, through the lens of “I have to,” is that it steals our passion. Obligation creates a passionless marriage because duty is a passion-killer. From “Have to” to “Get To” The first step in moving your marriage from duty to delight involves changing from a mindset of “I have to” to a mindset of “I get to,” where we start to view serving our spouse as a priv ..read more

Intimacy, that sense of being deeply connected, reaches its pinnacle when we are fully known and completely loved. The Bible calls this being “naked without shame,” and it’s how God designed marriage to operate. If we go back to the first marriage, way back at the dawn of creation: For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. 25 And the man and his wife were both naked, and they were not ashamed. Genesis 2:24 For intimacy to thrive in your relationship, both parts of that equation must be present. Getting Naked Nakedness, th ..read more

Stay connected and in tune with each other with this simple little trick. No, we’re not talking about enneagrams. One Simple Question Jenni and I have a simple technique we use to check in with each other that helps us stay connected and in tune with each other. We simply say, “On a scale from 1 to 10, what is your stress level?” Or we could use the same idea to ask about any negative emotion like anxiety, anger, frustration, fear, etc. The shorthand version for us has become, “What number are you?” Quickly communicating what’s going on this way can serve as the basis for further conversation ..read more

When you Keep Score, Nobody Wins There’s a popular notion today that the best marriages are 50-50. Equity and fairness are the measuring sticks people use to judge a good marriage. The problem is that’s just not the way God designed it to work. Scorekeeping Always Separates Especially when we are stressed or struggling, we tend to run for the scorecards. We think the best way out of a difficult spot is to make sure we “get our fair share” in the relationship. So we begin to keep track of what we’re getting from our spouse, how much we are giving, how much he or she is or isn’t doing, and how o ..read more

We started Season 2 of Heaven Made Marriage Moments on our YouTube Channel with an episode called Big Changes and New Beginnings. In case you missed it, be sure to check it out, as it sets the context for the series we’re currently doing, sharing our recent personal experience dealing with big transitions and how these impacted our marriage. Facing the Loss of Identity Today, I’m sharing about how our sense of identity can be shaken whenever our life circumstances change. Whether it’s the birth of children or children leaving the nest, whether a job change, moving, or the death of a loved one ..read more

It feels strange to be typing out a post for the first time in a year. Where do I begin? In my last post, New Beginnings from January of 2022, I told you about my retirement from the company where I’d worked for 38 years and our move to the mountains from our suburban home of 28 years. With the help of some trusted advice, a few really good books, and prayerful consideration, we decided to take 2022 as a “sabbatical” year. As tempting as it was to jump right into everything, we knew this was a season to seek the Lord, to connect deeply with him and each other, and to do the inner work of trans ..read more

It feels strange to be typing out a post for the first time in a year. Where do I begin? In my last post, New Beginnings from January of 2022, I told you about my retirement from the company where I’d worked for 38 years and our move to the mountains from our suburban home of 28 years. With the help of some trusted advice, a few really good books, and prayerful consideration, we decided to take 2022 as a “sabbatical” year. As tempting as it was to jump right into everything, we knew this was a season to seek the Lord, to connect deeply with him and each other, and to do the inner work of trans ..read more

Whether you are moving through big life changes or hoping for small improvements in your marriage, every day is a chance for new beginnings. Here in the North Georgia mountains, every sunrise greets us with a different display of God’s handiwork. Some mornings it’s a kaleidoscope of brilliant colors painted across the horizon, as in the photo above. Some mornings, a glorious fireball creeps slowly into view. Occasionally, as happened over the weekend, we awake to a snowy winter wonderland landscape. Other mornings the clouds roll in and we can’t see more than a few feet beyond our deck, comple ..read more

Attention is the starting point of devotion. In Upstream, Poet Mary Oliver said, “Attention is the starting point of devotion.” How can you love and adore that which you do not even notice? The point is you can’t. Attention is the starting point of devotion Mary Oliver, Upstream I’m reading John Mark Comer’s The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry.  (It’s a fabulous book for the times in which we live, and I highly recommend it for anyone who is worn out, burned out, or stressed out, which is pretty much everyone these days.) In it, he says that distraction is the biggest threat to our spiritu ..read more

It was 2010 when I first came across a Scripture that has since become my favorite piece of marriage advice. I had been blogging for less than a year, but I had been studying marriage for many years beforehand in my attempt to understand God’s heart for our marriage. I had even read the verse – of course I had – it’s in the opening to Paul’s famous chapter on marriage in Ephesians. But I’d never read them in The Message translation, and the rendering struck me at my core. Mostly what God does is love you. Keep company with him and learn a life of love. Observe how Christ loved us. His love wa ..read more