The elder who did communion at our church last Sunday said something very interesting. He said communion is a practice, not a ritual. A ritual, he explained, is something done to try to influence God. A practice, he said, it’s something we do because of who God is to us. I’d use the word incantation rather than ritual. But either way, I’d like to apply this idea to our marriages. Do you ever say or do things with your wife in a ritualistic way? Do you follow a script because you think it will get you what you want? Are you looking for the incantation that makes her stop being mad? Or the inca ..read more

It’s been awhile since I’ve mentioned Sabbath. If you’ve missed it, after playing with the idea for years, a decade ago Lori and I started making Wednesday our Sabbath. It’s a day of rest for our bodies and our minds. It’s a day to rest, and to love each other, family, friends, and God. I recently missed Sabbath for the first time in ten years! I was attending an out-of-state preaching workshop, and was gone from early Monday to midnight Friday. There was just no way to do Sabbath that week. And let me tell you, I really felt not having it! I was fine on Wednesday and Thursday, but by Friday I ..read more

It’s been almost twelve weeks since Valentine’s Day. Have you given your wife a gift since then? And if her birthday or your anniversary were in there, did you give her a gift for any other reason? Tuesday is a great reason to give your wife a gift. Oh, look, tomorrow is a Tuesday! Who knew? Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with stockdreams.ai Shop Amazon ♦ Shop to give links page We’re donation supported Thanks for your help! This post may contain affiliate links, see my disclosure for info. The post Spontaneously Giving Your Wife Gifts first appeared on The Generous Husband ..read more

I warned you recently about the problems that can come from putting your marriage into autopilot mode. But what about doing sex on autopilot? It’s easy to slip into sex autopilot. You find something that works, and you stick with it. The more trouble you had arriving at something that works, the less inclined you are to risk making a change. Or perhaps you do the same thing over and over because by the end of the day, you’re both physically tired and brain-dead, and doing the same old thing is easy. Few of us enjoy doing the same thing the same way over and over. This is true of most things, i ..read more

In her book The How of Happiness: A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want (Kindle), Sonja Lyubomirsky mentions a study done by Pennsylvania State University. A group of students was told to hug at least five times a day for four weeks, and record their hugs. A control group was asked to record how much time they spent reading over the same four weeks. The hugging group became much happier, while the control group did not. Both men and women were happier when they hugged more. Other studies have shown similar results, finding that hugs can reduce stress, fear, and even pain. Hugs also ..read more

I’ve talked about busyness a good deal here, with some of it being a confession. And apparently plenty of you worry about this; my post “The Sin of Busyness” was the fifth most read post the year I wrote it. I’ve talked about how a lack of rest harms our bodies. But it’s also destructive to our minds. In fact, it’s probably worse for our minds. Dr. Richard A. Swenson, the author of Margin, said the strain of mental busyness has a huge negative impact on the body. There’s a growing body of research that shows always being busy mentally is far more harmful than always being physically active. W ..read more

The maxim that people don’t change is wrong. I’ve changed over my 39 years of marriage, and so has my wife. And I’ve seen plenty of other husbands and wives change. Some big changes, some small, and some ongoing. Real change, significant lasting change, doesn’t usually happen quickly. When a husband or wife realises not changing will cost them their marriage, you may see fast change, but it’s rare for most of that change to stick long term. For the most part, change is slow. Often painfully slow. But slow change is more likely to result in deep and lasting change. If you want your wife to cha ..read more

Mixing it up a bit sexually can be a good thing. But it’s important to make sure what we do is good for our wife. So let me suggest something different that most women can enjoy. Simply put, you sit behind her and make her orgasm. There’s a lot of possible variation with this. You can do it in bed, or in a big chair, or on the floor. You can do it with her fully dressed, partly dressed, clothes open, or naked. Start by whispering loving things in her ear and nibbling her neck. The latter drives many women crazy. Then move your hands down to her breasts. Eventually, slip a hand between her leg ..read more

Let’s talk about your marriage and sex life as self-care. If your marriage and sex life are a source of stress, this may not make sense to you. But when your marriage is healthy, it can be a great source of calm. It can be a place of refuge where you can rest and recover. And sex can be far more than physical release and pleasure; it can provide comfort, deep intimacy, and strengthen you emotionally.  I’m convinced this is how God intended marriage to be. Yes, He will use our marriages to challenge us and bring growth, but I think a place of refuge is a higher priority in God’s plan.&nbs ..read more

We hear a lot about “self-care” these days. Some scoff at it as weakness or a waste of time that could be better used in other ways. Thing is, the Bible is all about self-care. The 23rd Psalm would be one example. One pastor writing about this issue said that Americans both overvalue and undervalue self-care. And he’s right. And each side can easily point to the other to justify going too far in the other direction. Self-care is usually defined as taking care of our physical and mental health. Eat right, exercise, get enough sleep, and do things that relax us or that we enjoy. But what about ..read more