Alison Chao is not being heard in the family court system so we must amplify her voice ..read more

Learn how to navigate the uncomfortable and sometimes downright scary dynamic when your ex brings new partners around your children. You already know the unpredictable, irresponsible, and abusive parenting tactics that your narcissistic ex brings to the table. But what about when they’re introducing your kids to new partners? At best, it’s confusing for kids to meet a revolving door of “daddy’s new friends.” At worst, we may fear for our children’s safety.  Teach Children Boundaries, Self-Advocacy, & Emotional Health It’s very understandable that so many of us have felt completely pow ..read more

Learn how to strategically battle the narcissist’s attempts to discredit and undermine A survivor shared with me that her children came home from visits asking her why she was “keeping them from dad.”  This pervasive and subtle abuse tactic is frustrating and almost impossible to navigate if you don’t have the correct tools - so let’s dive in. Narcissistic and high conflict individuals are really good at creating confusion and weaponizing the kids. Regardless of how meticulously you follow court orders, they are often excellent at finding ways to spin and twist things to confuse the kids ..read more

What do you do when your narcissist cancels last-minute or simply doesn’t show up for his (or her) parenting time Disappointment. Frustration. Self-blame. Sadness. My girls and I are all too familiar with missed and canceled visitations.  When your ex cancels or misses last-minute, it’s a good idea to have some tools in your arsenal, to be able to meet your children where they’re at, and help them cope with the difficult emotions they may experience. Radical Acceptance and Missed Visitations In a blog post many years ago, I shared about how the girls and I arrived at Seth’s pick-up locati ..read more

Summertime is notoriously difficult for protective parents.  I can still remember the hollow, aching, fearful anxiety in my stomach when I’d hand the girls over to Seth.  I am grateful that we did not have extended periods of time without contact  like many of you are facing, but any deviation from the normal schedule is difficult. From getting their basic needs met, like food and hydration, to concerns about physical violence and exposure to inappropriate material, the anxiety of Seth’s visitation took a major toll on my mental and physical health.  The limited time he had ..read more

A quick Google search will take you down rabbit holes and show you how narcissists want to be viewed by others or what patterns you may be able to predict if you are dealing with a narcissistic individual. But here at OMB, we know from experience what narcissistic, high conflict individuals truly crave.  It was a few years after my battle ended that I created the post separation abuse wheel. The term, “post separation abuse” was the most accurate description of what I was experiencing while fighting for my children.  Like most people, I just assumed that divorce was the solution for ..read more

If you’re preparing for mediation or court with a narcissistic individual, it’s important to be ready for the infamous “Narcissist Smirk.” What does it mean and how can you respond in a strategic way? Isn’t it downright disturbing that narcissistic abusers share so many similarities? The “Narcissist Smirk” being one of them. The “Smirk” itself is a patronizing, condescending, cold smile. I see it most often in court. Even when they’re shackled and wearing prison garb, they still often manage to smirk at their victims if given the opportunity.  Why is the Narcissist Smirking At Me?! For vi ..read more

If you’ve been accused of “Parental Alienation,” know that you are NOT alone. Parental alienation accusations are not only predictable, they are one of the most common legal tactics employed by narcissists during child custody battles.  Every protective mother in the family court system needs to learn how to safeguard against alienation claims. What Is “Parental Alienation”? Let's start with what it looks like in family court:  if the children prefer you over the abusive parent, the abusive parent  will immediately accuse you of “Parental Alienation” (junk science - not a real t ..read more

Father’s Day can be a triggering holiday for moms on the battlefield. Let’s make sure you’re dealing with Father’s Day in a way that will help your case AND aid you on your healing journey. During my decade-long custody battle for my daughters, I went from completely dreading the month of June, to embracing Father’s Day as an opportunity to strengthen my relationship with my daughters, remind them of the powerful male role models in their lives, and yes - “celebrate” Father’s Day in a way that was authentic to who I am as a mother (and a co-parent) while strengthening my case to protect my dau ..read more

Usually I’m asked what it takes to win against the narcissist - but another important question is what it means to win against a narcissist. The tactics and strategies we use to protect our children (as much as possible) throughout the process of family court are absolutely important. But I think it’s almost important to talk about other battles that we fight - and can win if we offer ourselves the right tools. The Invisible Battles We Fight While divorce and family court are very visible - sometimes even public - many of the battles we fight are invisible. The fight for our dignity. The fight ..read more