Move Down the Street from My Ex?
Bonus Families
by Jann
1M ago
Q. There is a great house for sale three houses down from my ex-husband. I want to buy it and my new husband is okay with it. I do not have a fabulous relationship ..read more
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Becoming a Bonus Parent
Bonus Families
by Jann
1M ago
All the things I thought I knew, I’m learning again, I’ve been trying to get to the heart of the matter, But my will gets weak and my thoughts seem to scatter, But I ..read more
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Grandma Favors HER Grandchild
Bonus Families
by Jann
2M ago
Q.My son recently married a woman with four children. They also have a baby together, my only grandchild. We are expecting a lot of company for the upcoming holiday, and I have asked my ..read more
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Long Distance Parenting Tips for the Holidays
Bonus Families
by Jann
2M ago
It’s difficult for kids to go back and forth between their parents’ houses, and what makes it worse is when one house feels more like “home” than the other. This sometimes depends on how ..read more
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Should My Bonus Kids Call Me, “Mommy”?
Bonus Families
by Jann
10M ago
Q. I married a man who shares custody of his four-year-old son with his ex-wife.  My stepson, Billy, has begun calling me “Mommy.”  This thrills me, because it makes us feel more like a family.  But it drives his biological mother crazy.  How should I respond, and what should Billy call me?  A. The name issue is a common problem among bonus families, especially when biological children are also in the home and call parents “Mom” and “Dad.”  If most of the family calls you “Mommy,” it’s natural for your young bonus son to want call you that too.  It’s also nat ..read more
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Open Mother’s Day Letter From a Bonus Mom
Bonus Families
by Jann
10M ago
Bonus Families was founded in 1999. This letter was written by our very first Support Group Coordinator, Wendy Vainauskas, right around that time, but it’s just as poignant today as it was when it was originally written. These are her words… “As the Support Group Coordinator of Bonus Families®, I hear many nightmarish stories about bio moms and bonus moms not getting along. Some of the stories break my heart as I think about how destructive  they are–not only to children involved, but also to the women that have to live with the craziness, day in and day out. It’s helped me appreciate ho ..read more
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What to Do When Your Child Calls the Girlfriend, “Mommy”
Bonus Families
by Jann
1y ago
Q. My son and daughter-in-law have been separated for a year. They have shared custody of their 4-year-old son. My son was very unhappy but chose to put up with it until he met someone else. Daughter-in-law did not handle the break-up well. There was lots of crying, screaming, threats, accusations, and harrassment by phone, text and email. As a result, my son will barely talk to her. They minimally co-parent. Son originally came up with a unique nickname for the child to call his girlfriend but in the last week I have heard the child and my son refer to her as Mommy. When I spoke to my son abo ..read more
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Bonus Mom/Bonus Dad of the Year Award, 2023!
Bonus Families
by Jann
1y ago
We know how difficult it is to combine families while everyone retains their individuality, but that’s the key to being bonus. This year we are congratulating a special Bonus Mom and a Bonus Dad who have gone over and beyond to set aside their own concerns and put the kids first–all the kids in their care, bio or bonus. Anyone can nominate the Bonus Mom or Bonus Dad of the Year. It can be a bonus kid, an extended family member, a friend who has watched you lead the way, anyone who knows your story…let us know how you feel about the Bonus Mom or Dad in your life. NOMINATE THEM FOR BONUS MOM or ..read more
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Bonus Family TV Show!!!!
Bonus Families
by Jann
1y ago
Have problems navigating stepfamily life and need Dr. Jann’s help? Contact us immediately! What’s a Bonusfamily? Technically, a bonusfamily is a stepfamily, only a bonusfamily is not dependent on the parents being married. They can be, as in a conventional stepfamily, but more importantly, “bonus” is a state of mind, embracing cooperation on the part of all the parent figures (that means ex’s, too) for the sake of all the children in their care. The term bonusfamily is not just a fluffy sweet word for stepfamily. Each member of the family has to make the commitment to work together to achieve ..read more
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Parallel Parenting: Why? Are There Benefits?
Bonus Families
by Jann
1y ago
Research has shown that children do best when their divorced or separated parents share custody after a break-up. This becomes more of a challenge if the break-up is regarded as “high-conflict.” A high conflict break-up usually includes some sort of resticted interaction between the parents based on their past behavior–perhaps language demanding peaceful contact is added to the custody order or there is a restraining order in place that disallows common parental interaction. These kinds of restraints prevent parents from co-parenting and a “parallel parenting” approach is a logical alternative ..read more
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