To the stepmom who is struggling right now I feel you… I was there too. I too felt like an outsider, never feeling like I was part of the premade family. I wanted to belong and feel accepted too. I know what that pain feels like. I remember at a particularly rough time, feeling like I had been kicked in the gut and an elephant sized weight on my chest. My mind racing in shock and disbelief at what had happened. And my husband was stuck in the middle. I couldn’t control anyone else but me. So I did. It took intentional work. And to be honest, I wish I had a stepfamily coach to help me navigate ..read more

Once upon a time there was a woman who married a man who had kids. Despite her best intentions and best laid plans, things didn’t always work out as she had expected or hoped they would. She poured her heart and soul into nurturing his children because she love her husband. And then came the annual tradition of celebrating women who gave birth to children day. And then her story got worse. The end. Does that sound relatable at all? I know it does for tens of thousands of stepmoms across the globe. But I am going to give you 5 tips to help you through the tough day ahead so you can come out wit ..read more

photo courtesy of Andrea Piacquadio/Unsplash Resentment is like drinking poison, expecting the other person to die Malachy McCourt Resentment is such a GREAT and extremely important topic to talk about. It’s a heavy burden to carry. I did a quick poll in my stepmom groups to ask some questions about resentment. I wasn’t surprised by how many responded. Nor was I surprised by what were seen as the biggest sources of resentment. In first order it was money- either how much the steps got  or how much went to the ex and how much their own kids or their house had to go without, the next most ..read more

With our world still in disarray because the pandemic is still in play, we are faced with new challenges in our stepfamilies. Despite the uncertainty, time moves on. We are now entering the unknown of a pandemic during the rapidly approaching holiday season. Thanksgiving is right around the corner and we will be celebrating many more traditions and festivities with our family and friends come December.  What do we do? How can we handle more stress, more expectations, more opportunities with more at stake than the last 6 months? It really is so critical right now to focus on peace, pace an ..read more

When it comes to intimate relationships, it can take a lot of work to make them successful!  Especially when divorce or significant split is in the history books. Proble solving is key, especially if you can get ahead of problems before they become a setback you can’t return from. Because there are so many responsibilities, demands and noise that divert our attention and focus from our partners and our relationship, avoiding dealing with issues is not an option. We get less sleep, we work longer and harder for less pay, we are responsible for more things inside our home and outside our ho ..read more

We are in unprecedented times- so they say. I agree with this…but there is very little direction on what steps we can take to get through this time of big and sudden change that is impacting people across the globe. We are in a time of the collective consciousness shift. I love how Brene Brown describes this as we are moving from me to we; my to our; them to us. Fear and panic are seen everywhere and sometimes it’s vividly portrayed on TV as people are stockpiling toilet paper and hand sanitizer. We are bombarded by the images of people in hazmat suits and body bags. It’s frankly shocking and ..read more

This time of year can bring so much stress and can highlight struggles and losses. I have complied a list of resources below to help you navigate some of the challenges you may be facing. I have included my articles from previous years from Stepparent Magazine at the top. You will be seeing much more from them as I am now part of their editorial team! I’m super excited to be part of this free on line resource. Check out their link above! Here is the list from some of my favorite resources: Recapturing Christmas Magic Contending with Cha ..read more

12 days of Christmas: Quick Tips to Manage the Stress and Set Yourself up for Success Christmas is not always the most wonderful time of the year. Often we are dealing with extra stress, spending more money, more pressure, less sleep. And that doesn’t even include the stepfamily layers of competition between houses, missing kids because of custody disputes and threats, last minute schedule changes, and bad behaviour that doesn’t belong only to little kids.  So heading into the last 12 days of Christmas what are some good ways to handle the chaos and the crazy? I’m composing some of my o ..read more

“How do I set myself up for success with my new partner and his kids? We are thinking about moving in?” I’ve been having this conversation in a few different venues lately, and I get asked this question a lot!!! It”s an important topic and I love to talk about how to set your self up for success right away. Plus, a request came directly from a poll I sent out to my email list. And I even have some stepdads ask. So here are some tips on dating a divorce parent: Let him parent as good or as bad as he does.  You didn’t break it you can’t fix it and you shouldn’t try. If you do, there are a fe ..read more

For this blog, I thought that I would dig deeper into the Magic Seven (http://www.stepcoupling.com/the-magic-7/) from my last blog. In particular, I want to take a look at the last 2 points:  Learning to repair and letting it go. Here’s what I said in the last post on the two topics:  Learn to repair and say you are sorry: It’s important to own your mistakes.  And if you hold grudges against your partner, then there is no room for making amends. And then you msut learn how to say sorry in a way that your partner will hear it. Don’t know what I mean?  Check out the book by Gary Chapman calle ..read more