How to Avoid the Chaos of 'Winging It' by Leading with Intention
Mike & Kim Coaching Blog
by Kim Anderson
3y ago
Over the years, I've had a mind-set shift about what it means to lead our family forward — with intentionality.  I'll admit that my natural tendency is to 'wing-it', doing whatever seems best in the moment.  I tend to deal with stuff as it comes up.  I'm not much of a planner. Mike is the opposite. He's a skilled planner and he likes to be one step ahead — especially when it comes to the challenges of parenting.  Even though I'm the opposite, I've learned a lot from Mike around the benefits of intentionality, leading our family forward and keeping the end in mind. Start with the End Starting ..read more
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How to Make Good Decisions when Negotiations with the Ex Get Heated
Mike & Kim Coaching Blog
by Kim Anderson
3y ago
We've all heard the saying: 'There's two sides to every story'.  If you're co-parenting with an Ex, there's likely more than 'two sides' to every story or situation.  You've got your current partner's input PLUS the kid's side of the story too!  For those of us who live in complex blended families there are a whole lot of opinions and requests to contend with…maybe even a few demands.When a decision needs to be made, it's easy to get overwhelmed…and confused.   How do you stay true to your own values and remain focused on what's best for the kids when everyone around you is weighing in with th ..read more
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How to "Feel" Your Way Through Difficult Conversations
Mike & Kim Coaching Blog
by Kim Anderson
3y ago
When Mike and I were dating, I firmly believed that we were GREAT communicators.  We talked about everything and seemed to always be on the same page.  We were able to honestly express what was on our minds and we were skilled listeners.  We both felt heard and affirmed in our conversations.But about 7 years into our marriage, all the pressures and stressors in our stepfamily reached a boiling point and it all fell apart.  We found ourselves unable to communicate effectively.  We were quick to disregard each other's viewpoint and jump straight to defensiveness.  Communication was painful and w ..read more
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How to "Get Over Your SELFie"
Mike & Kim Coaching Blog
by Mike Anderson
3y ago
"GET OVER YOUR SELFIE"Maybe you've seen this billboard campaign warning us about the dangers of distracted driving……the message is simple.  Our fixation on staying "connected" is costing lives.The campaign is focused on the very real danger of choosing distraction over diligence when we're driving.  Yet their clever statement is pointing to another danger all together:  The Age of the Selfie!Did you know that today, June 21st is officially National Selfie Day?That's right!  Now we have a whole day dedicated to showing off our best selfies.  Sure, it's all in good fun.  But just like anything i ..read more
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3 Simple — But Powerful — Things to Say this Father's Day
Mike & Kim Coaching Blog
by Mike Anderson
3y ago
Stepdads and Bio-Dads in a stepfamily are some of the least encouraged and under-resourced leaders in our society.These men shoulder some of the most challenging responsibilities in caring for their family.  They work to provide for everyone's needs in their own home.  Beyond that, many pay to provide for their children in their other home.  Stepdads are caught between wanting to love and support their step kids while holding back just enough so that they're not a threat to the kids bio-dad…often feeling like a third wheel.Bio-dads are caught between wanting to make their kids happy and wantin ..read more
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To the Adult Who is Struggling with Their Parent's Remarriage
Mike & Kim Coaching Blog
by Kim Anderson
3y ago
Mike and I were recently having dinner with some friends of ours, Bryce and Denise.  We've changed their names to protect the innocent…or is it guilty? :-)We decided to pick their brains about an aspect of stepfamily life that doesn't get much press — but is significant to many.  Bryce and Denise each have parents that have remarried later in life after their spouses had passed away.  Bryce's mom recently remarried.  Denise's dad has been remarried for many years.  Typically when we talk about stepfamilies, we focus on young kids struggling to adjust and accept the presence of a new stepparent ..read more
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My Step Kids Are Ruining My Marriage
Mike & Kim Coaching Blog
by Mike Anderson
3y ago
"…it felt torturous…as the stepmom, I was starting to doubt there would ever be a solution that could make it bearable…"This stepmom was hopeless.  Her anxiety was growing every time her step-daughter was around.They just couldn't connect.  She felt disrespected and dismissed…like she didn't belong.Not knowing what to do, she began finding ways to stay busy, looking for excuses to leave.  She just wanted to create a little separation, but that came at a cost.She told us that she felt "closed off".  The real problem was that it wasn't just her step-daughter she was 'closing off' to…she was pull ..read more
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To the Parent Who's Always Feeling "Trapped" in the Middle
Mike & Kim Coaching Blog
by Kim Anderson
3y ago
In a game of tug-of-war, the teams on both ends of the rope are passionately fighting to win.  They're pulling with all their might, in opposite directions and have no intention of ending up in the mud pit.I personally don't enjoy playing Tug-of-War (except with our dog) — but I can relate to the struggle of the tug-of-war battle.  Why…  Because I've been the rope!Here's what I mean…there have been countless times over our 18 years of stepfamily life when my husband and my daughter were in opposition.  Each holding firming onto their position and competing for my allegiance — pulling on me in ..read more
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5 Proven Lifelines to the Step-Parent Who is "Stranded"
Mike & Kim Coaching Blog
by Mike Anderson
4y ago
There I was…my head in my hands.  I felt lonely, angry and dejected all at the same time.When Kim and I walked down the aisle, this just wasn't what I pictured.  I thought we were going to be inseparable.  It was going to be me and her…her and me…constantly connected and tackling life together!But now it felt like it was her and Annika (my step-daughter) — oh yeah, and that Mike guy too.  I was the tag-a-long…the third wheel.I didn't feel like this all the time.  The weeks when Annika was at her Dad's house it was a different story.  Kim and I talked, laughed and connected more.  But it felt l ..read more
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How to avoid Mother's Day Disappointments for Stepmoms
Mike & Kim Coaching Blog
by Kim Anderson
4y ago
Lisa was so excited…she didn't have any kids of her own yet and this was her first official Mother's Day as a stepmom!  She had good reason to have high expectations - over the past year, she'd poured herself into her five-year-old step-son, Lucas.   Lisa fixed Luca's favorite meals, played the games he loved, read him bedtime stories and surprised him with special gifts.   Not to mention washing his dirty clothes, cleaning up messes and struggling through parenting issues with her husband.  It was a lot of hard work, but it was clear that Lisa was devoted to Lucas and loved him. The big day a ..read more
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