Hit the Road, Jack
A Widow's Walk
by margieoh
5M ago
Grief hurts. It cuts, slices, maims, destroys, leaving bloody gaping wounds. We wait for something, anything to relieve it, make it disappear with a wave of a magic wand. Bandages of distraction offer temporary relief. When removed, a scar remains. Sometimes the wound oozes, infection sets in and threatens to poison the entire system. Medication , prescribed or self administered, takes the edge off. But the primary dis-ease persists. Our loved one has died, yet grief lives on. Like the clown in the gutter, it comes back to taunt us despite our best efforts to banish it. Like a cancer, it hid ..read more
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I Double Dog Dare Ya !
A Widow's Walk
by margieoh
7M ago
Prologue to a Pilgrimage (Hit me with your best shot – fire away !) Super Catholic Way back in the day when I was a super catholic Director of Religious Education in my parish, using nursery rhymes and songs to teach the faith to kids was very effective. One of my favorites, that my own kids can still recite, is sung to tune of “Old McDonald Had A Farm” and teaches the Sacrament of Reconciliation. "There are 5 things I must do to make a good confession Know, know know my sins (sing 3 times) Be sorry for my sins (3 times) then "tell my sins to the priest"(3 times) then "do, do, do my penan ..read more
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The Outer Limits
A Widow's Walk
by margieoh
9M ago
Let’s go way back to 60’s sci-fi TV. There was the very intelligent, well written “Twilight Zone” from Ron Serling. A time transcending classic series, each episode questioning reality without a firm and rational conclusion, but a question. Then there were the knockoffs, the Saturday afternoon fare lost in the static on UHF. The Outer Limits and One Step Beyond were the B class to the networks’ prime time line-up The intro to The Outer Limits told us what to expect. A god-like, sobering, authoritative male voice warned and instructed us: “There is nothing wrong with your television set. Do ..read more
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Grey Area: Either or/Both and
A Widow's Walk
by margieoh
2y ago
#gogreyinmay A Widow's Walk I was well into my thirties before I even heard this phrase. Not “either/or………….but both/and” It was spoken by a monsignor teaching a class I was taking for the RCAB (Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Boston) catechetical certification. The context had to have been theological, and although I don’t remember the topic I am sure his words enraged me. Because, remember, I used to be a “Super Catholic”, dogmatic, rigid, unbending in my beliefs and sure as hell that’s where anyone who didn’t share them would end up. The sense of moral superiority was a drug – but that ..read more
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Father, forgive them.
A Widow's Walk
by margieoh
2y ago
Forgiveness, forgiveness – even if EVEN IF…….. Healing and forgiveness go together. You can’t heal if you don’t forgive. What does it mean to forgive someone who has hurt you ? Intentionally hurt you. Treated you cruelly. Treated you badly. Ripped your heart out. Destroyed your self image, made you doubt your own sanity. Gas lighted you into thinking you were worthless. Tore you down. Cut you down. Told lies about you. Beat you with their hateful words. Left you to wallow in pain and suffering when you needed love and comfort. What forgiveness is not: ….pretending the hurt did not happen ….tak ..read more
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No Happy Endings
A Widow's Walk
by margieoh
2y ago
The onslaught begins around December 29. Stores clear out the refuse of Christmas and begin to fill the shelves. Suddenly there are red hearts everywhere you look. Like Phil the Groundhog, you see your shadow and face six more weeks of holiday heartache. This is the premium stuff, the high test, the kind of pain where you ugly cry in your car after your grocery runs. The aisles of red, the roses, the chocolates – it’s all just too much. Those lovely rounded hearts are a far cry from your own broken heart. Your heart looks and feels like a sledgehammer hit it relentlessly , smashing it to sharp ..read more
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You Are Here
A Widow's Walk
by margieoh
2y ago
My late husband loved maps. Physical paper maps. Not GPS, not Google directions – those were not to be trusted. Only a hard copy, the bigger the better, would do. Multi page fold out Trip Tick from AAA size. Getting from Point A to Point B with a map is just 2 simple steps : Choose a route , and go. Car, train, bus, plane, or hike. Just go. If only life were that simple. But it’s not. Things happen. Plans are derailed, postponed, cancelled. One day you’re cruising along, windows down, belting out tunes with the wind in your hair, not a care. Next day you hit a roadblock, run out of gas, get ..read more
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A yankee doodle dandy
A Widow's Walk
by margieoh
2y ago
Hell week is here, the first week of July . A week I used to look forward to with joy, now I face with dread. I haven’t used a real calendar since John died. No reason to. Nothing worth marking down. No days to anticipate or remember. Those are forever carved into my psyche, my body reminding me despite efforts to forget. I will turn 62 on July 4. I am a Yankee Doddle Dandy, a real live niece of my Uncle Sam, born on the 4th of July. I’ve always hated my birthday. Holiday babies resent being lost and overshadowed. Having had my fill of red, white, and blue birthday cakes by the time I reached ..read more
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FACEBOOK JOURNAL
A Widow's Walk
by margieoh
3y ago
2/19/17 I just split my first log. John would be proud after he stopped laughing. #pioneerwidow 2/19/2018 Oh the things I find when I clean. The notebook I kept during John’s illness, just a sampling of what life was like. I guess I am making progress, finding this and reading my notes didn’t send me into an emotional tailspin. I am grateful he didn’t deteriorate more and that his suffering was brief. And no more pain for him, now. 2/19/16 tough days. Coming home to an empty house still hits me hard. Carley’s love is wonderful but there is a big gaping hole in my heart and in my home where onl ..read more
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Lost in the game of life
A Widow's Walk
by margieoh
3y ago
To lose: To be unable to locate a missing item. As a widow, the phrase “lost my husband” sounds strange to me. As in, “he was just here a minute ago, now where on earth did I put him ?” To lose: to be defeated “sorry for your loss” -. Death as loss -a deprivation of life, something that cannot be recovered. Those overused condolences leave me wondering — Who won, then ? What was the score ? Any good plays ? Hail Mary passes ? What a game that was !!!! Lost: unable to be found; missing. Not in its right place. To be lost, first person: I am lost. I am unable to find my way. Five and a half year ..read more
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