Being human.
Life as a Widower Blog
by Ben Brooks-Dutton
3y ago
I wanted to share this podcast that I recorded with Jess Mills right around the eight-year anniversary of Desreen’s death. The Human series was created to share stories of things human being are capable of overcoming and achieving. I rarely listen back to my interviews, but this one felt different - I was able to hear the life and energy that I find in me all these years on even when talking about death. I hope it gives hope to others who are struggling with their own challenges right now ..read more
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Lost words.
Life as a Widower Blog
by Ben Brooks-Dutton
3y ago
Click on the image to download Lost For Words over at manalive.life This is a preview of the foreword of Lost for Words, a new book created by the Life Matters task force – a coalition calling for better support for bereaved families – to mark Children’s Grief Awareness Week 2019. The book is made up of advice and insights by children across the UK, bereaved from infancy to teenage years. Each hopeful page is designed to be screen-grabbed and shared on social media to help others in need. Download it for free below. My son, Jackson, was just two years old when his mum died. I remember ha ..read more
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Invisible children.
Life as a Widower Blog
by Ben Brooks-Dutton
3y ago
My little boy turned seven a few weeks ago. His birthday is always incredibly bittersweet for me. With every year that goes by, I'm reminded of how much further he moves away from his mother's physical being. She was killed just after his second birthday. Clearly, as a single parent, he is the main focus of my life and the centre of my universe. He's such an incredible child: funny, clever, spirited and so emotionally intelligent. His presence is what strikes me most, though; he's just so incredibly alive. That's why I was so shocked to learn that - as a bereaved child at least - my son doesn ..read more
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About time.
Life as a Widower Blog
by Ben Brooks-Dutton
3y ago
Exactly 1,641 days ago I wrote several hundred words that would ultimately shape my life for the next four and half years. I sat staring at my laptop's screen, desperate to find other men trapped in a similar situation to mine - widowed young and suddenly facing an intimidating and unwanted new life as a brokenhearted single parent. I searched and searched and found nothing, and so I decided to take things into my own hands. I began writing. One post became two hundred and sixty-nine and a small audience of loving family and friends soon swelled to a million people I had never met.One other w ..read more
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Darth vader.
Life as a Widower Blog
by Ben Brooks-Dutton
3y ago
After the immediate shock of my wife's death had abated a little, I started making calls to childhood bereavement charities to find out how to handle my son and his unfathomable infant grief. I needed to understand how to talk to him about his mother's death and what to expect from the future. I needed to know he was going to be alright. Grief can make you question the future in a way that probably wouldn't happen in a life without bereavement. Am I going to be okay?  Imagine asking your doctor that open ended question without any specific timescale or diagnosed ailment. Can you jus ..read more
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In conversation.
Life as a Widower Blog
by Ben Brooks-Dutton
3y ago
My son just threw me a question after I'd said goodnight that I decided I shouldn't just leave hanging. It was late, he knew he should already have been asleep, but sometimes you just know when it's time to pause and have a proper chat. 'If you get a new wife would I be able to call her 'Mum'?' he asked. 'Would you want to?' I replied, slowing bringing myself to sit on the bed next to where he lay, somewhat taken aback by his completely unfamiliar line of questioning. He nodded softly but quickly went quiet; it was time to talk. 'Do you actually want me to get married again?' I asked.  A ..read more
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Apply pressure.
Life as a Widower Blog
by Ben Brooks-Dutton
3y ago
When my wife, our son and I left our little London flat on 10th November 2012 it seemed like a normal day much like any other. We had plans to see friends, make some Christmas decorations and catch up before the craziness of the festive season kicked in. Under normal circumstances I probably wouldn't even be able to tell you exactly what we did or where we were that Saturday. But some days are life-changing. One minute you're blissfully unaware of quite how happy you are with your lot, then the next that happiness has all crumbled away around you. That's what happened to m ..read more
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Talking heads.
Life as a Widower Blog
by Ben Brooks-Dutton
3y ago
Early last summer I received an invitation from Prince Harry to attend a barbecue in the grounds of Kensington Palace. The event would bring together a number of people who had been affected by mental health issues and bereavement including Rio Ferdinand, Dame Kelly Holmes, Victoria Pendleton and Iwan Thomas. I was expecting little more than a chat and a burger, but a conversation that happened amongst us that day went on to make headlines all around the world. Prince Harry discussed his deep regret for not speaking about the death of his mother for the first 28 years of his life and how, as ..read more
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Rio ferdinand.
Life as a Widower Blog
by Ben Brooks-Dutton
3y ago
A few months ago I had memorable lunch with a great group of guys whom part of me wishes I had never had to meet. Some of us knew each other already, while others were getting together for the first time. We spoke openly about our lives, shared a few beers and laughed at each others jokes. On the face of it, it was just a few lads getting together attempting to have a barbecue on a slightly rainy afternoon. There was sadness in the air, though; it was recent tragedy rather than old friendship that brought us all together. The gathering came about simply because w ..read more
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Driving change.
Life as a Widower Blog
by Ben Brooks-Dutton
3y ago
In November 2015, I launched an online petition through Change.org calling for the introduction of compulsory age-appropriate retesting every three years once a driver turns 70. Over the course of the next couple of weeks, the petition generated much debate through widespread broadcast, print and online media coverage and went on to receive over 200,000 UK signatures. Knowing that media attention and signatures alone wouldn’t drive change, I approached the then Secretary of State for Transport for support through the petition and appeared on the Daily Politics show to address MPs directly. On ..read more
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