4 Tips to Handling Pain
Reflection Counselling Services Blog
by Stephanie Huls
2M ago
There is so much pain in individual lives as well as the world at large. So what do we do when we are holding and witnessing this kind of pain? ​ Feel your Feelings​ If this sounds terrible, I get it. Why would you want to feel pain, loss, anger, hopelessness, and uncertainty? Unfortunately, the only way out is through, and the reality is that we do better when we allow space for our feelings rather than fight them. While avoidance is tempting, it can prolong the pain and leave us feeling stuck. (Not sure what you're feeling? Check out Four Steps to Identifying Emotions to help figure it ..read more
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Preparing Your Mental Health for the Winter
Reflection Counselling Services Blog
by Stephanie Huls
4M ago
I know, I know. Who wants to talk about winter when summer just ended? But the winter months are hard for many reasons (shorter days, less sunshine, and that darn cold) and it can be helpful to plan ahead rather than have those low moods sneak up on us. I recognize that not everyone has the means or feels the need to meet with a therapist to navigate the upcoming season. As an alternative support, I’ve created an e-book as an affordable option for some basic information on how to take care of yourself and get through these winter months. Whether you are new to exploring strategies or need remi ..read more
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Can You Gaslight Yourself?
Reflection Counselling Services Blog
by Stephanie Huls
6M ago
A lot of social media has picked up on therapy lingo, but it doesn't always get the definitions right - including professionals. The term "gaslighting" is frequently used incorrectly (if you're not sure what that is, you can read about it here) and more recently the term "self-gaslighting" has been gaining a lot of traction. So can you gaslight yourself ..read more
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Were Ross and Rachel on a Break?
Reflection Counselling Services Blog
by Stephanie Huls
1y ago
The Recap Ross and Rachel are in an argument that they've had several times before. Rachel says that she wants to take a break and Ross leaves without a word. He then receives support from Chandler and Joey and shares his interpretation that Rachel wants to break up. Ross ends up having a one-night stand with another woman, and Rachel reaches out to repair their relationship the next day. It comes out that Ross slept with someone else and he defends it by saying he and Rachel were on a break, so he did nothing wrong. Problem #1: Were they on a break or were they broken up? It would have been ..read more
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What Exactly is Gaslighting?
Reflection Counselling Services Blog
by Stephanie Huls
1y ago
While I’m so happy that mental health conversations are becoming more mainstream and many people are finding information and validation through social media, there are some terms that are getting misused. Gaslighting is one that I keep seeing online that is not always being used correctly. So what is it? Gaslighting is a “psychological manipulation of a person usually over an extended period of time that causes the victim to question the validity of their own thoughts, perception of reality, or memories and typically leads to confusion, loss of confidence and self-esteem, uncertainty of one ..read more
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How to Give a Good Apology
Reflection Counselling Services Blog
by Stephanie Huls
1y ago
I think it’s fair to say that we’ve all had an apology that either didn’t feel sincere, the person didn’t take full responsibility, or they deflected to another issue. This might sound like: “Fine!!! I’m sorry!" “You know I didn’t mean it.” “I’m sorry, but you dropped the ball yesterday too.” “I was just kidding.” “If I apologize, you have to drop it.” “I'm sorry, but I’m just being honest.” “I’m sorry if I did something wrong.” Or even like this... (Sorry, David, this didn’t quite cut it).    These versions are dismissive, conditional, avoid responsibility, and don’t acknowledge th ..read more
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When Your Grief "Doesn't Count"
Reflection Counselling Services Blog
by Stephanie Huls
3y ago
When your grief “Doesn’t count” To be honest, the Western world is generally not great at acknowledging or supporting grief.  Many of us get uncomfortable because we feel helpless to make our loved ones feel better, we don't like reminders of mortality, and it requires a lot of vulnerability and discomfort to just sit with someone's pain. This means we tend to emotionally exit pretty quickly with dismissive comments that are meant to be helpful ("At least you had them for as long as you did." "It'll get better.") or no longer checking in with the person's grief after the initial loss. Tha ..read more
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Bodies change. They are supposed to. (April newsletter)
Reflection Counselling Services Blog
by Stephanie Huls
4y ago
Our bodies. They bloat, they stretch, they lose weight and gain muscle, lose muscle and gain weight. They sag, get injured, they scar and recover, they scar and don't recover. They protect us, they hold emotional pain, they play, they climb, they pump oxygen and blood. In other words, they do a lot and it's all part of the joys of having a body. But when it comes to changes in weight and/or appearances, I hear a lot of critical language being thrown around. While this is a common conversation for me to have with clients, I've been having it a lot more with people because of the pandem ..read more
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Four Types of Self-Care
Reflection Counselling Services Blog
by Stephanie Huls
4y ago
“Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.” — Audre Lorde“Self-care” gets thrown around a lot, but what is it? Basically, it’s anything you do to take care of your mental, emotional, and physical health, and allows you to show yourself the compassion and time that you show others. The most common ones we hear about are massages and bubble baths. Now, I’m not knocking those types of self-care, but one date with a rubber ducky isn’t going to offset the entirety of a stressful week. Most of us are better at reactive self-care (whe ..read more
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The Art of Self-Compassion
Reflection Counselling Services Blog
by Stephanie Huls
5y ago
“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” What is it? Self-compassion acknowledges our struggles as normal and valid, and extends kindness to ourselves, especially when we perceive that we failed. It’s choosing to understand our experience and focus on validation rather than on judgment and shame. The opposite is self-criticism. It’s pretty easy to slip into self-talk that sounds like this: “I can’t believe I messed that up - I’m such an idiot!” Imagine the impact that would have on your child, partner, colleague, friend, parent, student, if y ..read more
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