It’s been about 4 ½ months since I saw you. I still often think to myself “my mom would love this”, but I catch myself before I get the words out. I guess that is a start. I know you wouldn’t want any of us to be sad. But some days, it hits me from out of the blue. I am sure you can see from Heaven, that Milo crossed the rainbow bridge a few months ago. That little guy LOVED his Grammie. A month ago, we adopted a new kitty. The first thing I know you would have said is “look at those eyes!” Marco Francisco! He’s a skittish little guy, but he is making progress in the past month since he came ..read more

Two and a half weeks ago, we said goodbye to our precious furbaby, Milo. I wanted to post soon after it happened, but his absence is palpable. Milo was the heart of our home. So active and energetic even into his later years, always poking Ken to be part of a conversation or to play, grooming Molly and snuggling with her, or asking for treats and cuddles from me. “Lolo”, as we often called him, was always “into something”. Even when he first came to us at a year old, he was super curious about evrything. He even had this little “curious face” which made us laugh whenever he did it. The “curiou ..read more

Today is my 26th wedding anniversary. K and I have now been married for over half my life. When we first met, it was on vacation. I was in Virginia Beach with my college roommate L, and K was visiting his cousin who was in the navy at that time. It was absolute fate that we met. L and I were in a souvenir shop, looking at hoodies and such, and K walks in. We spent the next 20 minutes making excuses to stay in the shop. I ended up buying a pair of plaid boxer shorts with embroidered “Virginia Beach” on the leg, and finally walked out. About 10 seconds later, K hurried out the door and caught up ..read more

I last posted about not being able to tell my mom all the things I would usually tell her. It had become this overwhelming ball of pressure like an overfilled balloon. The other day, I had a number of things to do. I needed a caffeine boost first, so I started by making coffee. The first thing that comes to mind when I drink coffee is my Mom. She’d make her morning coffee, then her afternoon cup, and sometimes even one after dinner. Growing up, we probably started drinking coffee earlier than our peers. I recall that my daily coffee habit had established itself during 8th grade. Yes, I still h ..read more

Dear Mom, It’s been 18 days since you left us. Eleven days since we said good-bye. I have to admit that even after the funeral, my wound felt as raw as I did when you drew your last breath. Usually, you get that first sense of closure afterward. It took another few days before I could take a deep breath without feeling like my heart was slowly being yanked out of my body. The tugging stopped, but left me with an open gash in my heart. They diagnosed you on Mother’s day. Six and a half weeks after losing Dad. My heart was already broken when we found out, and for the following 3 months, we coll ..read more

It’s about time we opened the closet doors, looked under the beds, and pulled up the blinds. A friend of mine had lost both her parents and was sharing with me the tedious and exhaustive process of cleaning out her parents’ home. I could feel the exasperation through the phone. It was a drawn-out physical feat, and one that took an emotional toll as well. The Realization It made me think, “who will do that for me/us when we’re gone?”. We do not have children. There is no one to rummage through the things we left behind, to settle accounts, to determine who is going to take ownership of any “tr ..read more

You bethcha. We all do. But there are some people who have to be nudged to do something solely for themselves. Do you know how on an airplane, while they are going over the safety precautions protocols, they tell you that if the auction in drops to always put your oxygen on first, and then help the person next to you? Do you know why? It’s kind of a metaphor for life. You can’t help someone else if you’re out of commission, yourself. The Giver Some people in this world who are just givers. Often to their own detriment. There is someone in my life who gives in 100 different ways to anyone that ..read more

Everywhere we go, there are signs. Traffic signs, exit signs, maps. Directories in buildings. Price tags. Name tags. They are designed to keep keep us safe, to provide important info, and to quickly tell us where to go. While there are many helpful signs to direct us from one place to another geographically or logistically, there aren’t many obvious signs to help us emotionally. Like in the middle of the night, when you just can’t sleep. Wouldn’t it be great to run up on this sign when falling down an internet rabbit hole? Altered stop sign that “Stop obsessing”. Or when making a big decision ..read more

I did something today that I have not done in a long time. I call it “hair therapy”. Now, given the slow-pacedness of my life, and the fact that I just honestly could not justify getting my hair hair “did” beyond roots and a trim every six months, it is indeed a treat to get it done. Time for some pampering With with spring coming, the fact that we’ve been really cutting back in extra expenses, and the past two years feel like I have been in hiding, I decided, it’s time for a little pampering! So off to the salon I went, where amongst the slightly intoxicating fumes of color treatment, I enjoy ..read more

I have always felt things deeply, even as a child. A lot of people called me “shy”. As I got older, some people thought I was angry, or even b**chy. It’s not me, it’s you So many times, I have had to tell people that I was not in a bad mood, not angry, or sad, that there was nothing negative that had happened. If someone else was crying, my own tears would well up. If someone else got the giggles, I’d catch them, too. If I walked into a room where people arguing, I’d suddenly start feeling antsy and defensive. Sometimes I felt so burdened that I had to retreat to somewhere quiet and dark. I gu ..read more