Hovis’ Friday diary: ‘Go forth and capture’
Horse & Hound Blog | Top riders blogs and opinions
by Hovis
2d ago
Hovis is unimpressed with his current situation. Dear diary, Right, enough is enough. I am fed up to my still-amazing-and-frankly-the-only-part-of-me-that-still-works back teeth of this flipping rain. It’s as if someone has given Mother Nature a Guinness Book of World Records (other beers are available, I believe) and she’s trying to outdo herself every month. It’s about as funny as the mothership trying to tell a joke – which is to say not very at all, and often verging on positively painful. The only time mother is actually funny is when she claims she can ride… So, I have a plan. I’m sorry ..read more
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Hovis’ Friday diary: ‘This, my friends, is revenge time’
Horse & Hound Blog | Top riders blogs and opinions
by Hovis
1w ago
Hovis is unimpressed with his current situation. Dear diary, I know that I am blind as a bat in my right eye, but I could have almost sworn I saw some blades of grass in among the sea of mud in the fields the other day. Now, I could have been wrong, and it could have been an Irish worm en-route to supporting the rugby, but for a brief second there was glimmering hope that spring might be around the corner after week 34,573 of the British winter. There is little other hope as the mercurial one continues to drench us on a daily basis; I actually think the only time I was ever this wet was during ..read more
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Hovis’ Friday diary: ‘Braving the latest round of Mother Nature’s tizz-woz’
Horse & Hound Blog | Top riders blogs and opinions
by Hovis
2w ago
Hovis is unimpressed with his current situation. Dear diary, I’m not sure this year can get any worse – which bearing in mind it’s only February and my mother is well, you know, my mother, is saying something. So far, I have been the subject of illegal prawn photos distributed by my mother and Crazy Self-employed Lady, been scalped within 10mm of my life, nearly lost an ear due to mother sneezing while trimming my fluff and been buffeted by every type of weather due to someone upsetting that mercurial mad woman, Mother Nature. AND that’s without mentioning being made to hack around the village ..read more
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Hovis’ Friday diary: ‘I have more emotional baggage than Heathrow’s left luggage office’
Horse & Hound Blog | Top riders blogs and opinions
by Hovis
3w ago
Hovis is unimpressed with his current situation. Dear Diary I don’t even know where to start describing my last week and I am concerned that even trying to, will result in me needing therapy from the horror of reliving it or have me arrested for sharing indecent content. For once, it’s fair to say I am literally lost for words. The weekend had seen us actually manage a small amount of time outside in between Mother Nature having yet another fit of the vapours and for me it was peaceful as the Mothership was up a mountain with her best mate and partner in crime in Saint More-zits supposedly wat ..read more
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Hovis’ Friday diary: ‘To come between a woman and food is like sticking your tongue into an electric socket’
Horse & Hound Blog | Top riders blogs and opinions
by Hovis
1M ago
Dear Diary, Once again my apologies for not writing last week but the blubbership was in Mum-bye (sadly more of an au revoir than a final goodbye), and as always was too tight-fisted to pay for me to have a secretary. She says that she won’t let me have another laptop after I trashed a couple – which is grossly unfair; you try typing with big feet (and you know what they say about big feet ladies… yep, big shoes…), so the only way I can get my musings to the masses is if mother types. Mind you, I suppose it proves she has some skills – let’s face it, riding was never one of them… Her return h ..read more
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Hovis’ Friday diary: ‘I am much maligned’
Horse & Hound Blog | Top riders blogs and opinions
by Hovis
1M ago
Dear diary, Thankfully I’ve just got the mothership to write this down for me before she ships out to Mum-bye (lord, if only!) for a week, but it’s likely I won’t be able to write to you next week as she will be busy being a smorgasbord of culinary delights for the resident mosquito population. As she woefully points out, she’s at an age where the only things that think she’s attractive are the ones who want to eat her, but hey how does she think I feel when she suggests retiring to France…? Anyways, I see like mother you’re all being stubborn and refusing to deal with the issues you have cau ..read more
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Hovis’ Friday diary: ‘genuinely, what the flip is wrong with her?’
Horse & Hound Blog | Top riders blogs and opinions
by Hovis
1M ago
Dear Diary, Happy New Year to all of you and I hope you had a good Kissmuss. Apologies for the lack of diary for a few weeks, but firstly the mothership bobbed off to see a big canary, and then to hog-her-mane in Scotland. Personally, I didn’t think she had the cheekbones to rock the shaven look and it appears the clipping person thought the same, as she’s come back with exactly the same length head bush as she left with, but there we go. Anyways, due to her selfishness I didn’t have a scribe, so hence radio silence, which I can only imagine has caused untold distress and possibly ruined more ..read more
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Hovis’ Friday diary: ‘The water table is higher than mother’s debt’
Horse & Hound Blog | Top riders blogs and opinions
by Hovis
2M ago
Dear diary, I’m writing this from in hiding after my missive last week led to an awful lot of people wanting me lynched and strung up for being anti-Christmas. A lot of people also implied I was a Karen, which was very confusing as I am not Karen, my mother is Karen? I iz confuddled. To deal with this immense reaction, I am organising a search party to look for the UK’s sense of humour, as well as installing an early warning detection system for irony. I am assuming the current bad weather meant that the steady drip of sarcasm wasn’t heard, but I am scared to hack out for fear of finding out ..read more
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Hovis’ Friday diary: ‘Decorate trees, not horses’
Horse & Hound Blog | Top riders blogs and opinions
by Hovis
2M ago
Dear diary, I am writing this from within my stable as mother nature continues to ensure that we don’t so much have fields as swimming pools, with mud patches so deep we are in danger of re-enacting the snot-inducing scene from The Never Ending Story just trying to get to the yard. I last saw white on my legs some 456,980 days ago and my rugs won’t need a wash – the mud will need to be chiseled off. In essence, it’s a wet, muddy, grim time of year. Talking of time of the year, I find myself sighing as I write this because I feel that I repeat myself year after year at this time, like some sor ..read more
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Hovis’ Friday diary: ‘we are now freezing our nickynackynooes off’
Horse & Hound Blog | Top riders blogs and opinions
by Hovis
3M ago
Dear diary, Oh wow. Wow, Wow, Wow. I think I have finally met the woman of my dreams! Cute, blonde, well dressed, a smidge on the short side, but I can work with that – that’s what mounting blocks are really meant for (clue is in the title, peoples) – generous and I think RICH! The other week she sent me a lovely rug and a haynet, which I took to be code for a desire to have me in the hay barn. This week she sent me even more incredible gifts of a new headcollar (so she can lead me astray), another rug (this girl clearly wants me well dressed), a grooming bag (so I look my best for her), a st ..read more
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