The Simple Triggers… I just wanted new clothes… something nice.. colorful.. simple… I have always been that way. I have never dressed extravagant… shopping shouldn’t be that hard. I mean who doesn’t like to go shopping for clothes? It wasn’t until I realized that everytime I even thought about going to the mall… my chest would tighten and my spirit was in turmoil that I realized “shopping was one of my triggers.” As a survivor of domestic violence, I had been stripped pretty much of everything that matters in life… “life itself.” My identity and confidence in myself; in who God made me to be ..read more

Yo fui- Rescatada para su reino. Me preguntan, "de que fuistes rescatada?" Dejame contarte- Que tu conoscas de mi rescato. Fui rescatada de mi pecado- mi orgullo. Fui rescatada de mis heridas profundas- dolor que como espada- atravezo mi alma- de las mentiras que me llevo- a perder la esperanza en la vida. Fui rescatada de los murmullos- que no tenia valor. Fui rescatada por alguien, que dio su todo por mi. Murio por mi. Su preciosa sangre me rescato- Su amor sano mis heridas. Susurro palabras que penetro mi mente- mi ser- con sus palabras El declaro quien soy yo. Su voz quebro las viejas cad ..read more

By Kathy M Finley For 15 years, I was in an abusive marriage. I never knew when my husband would explode. Sometimes it was over a silly joke I told. Sometimes it was because I called my mother. Sometimes it was because he claimed I embarrassed him at a company party (and embarrassing him meant I merely talked to people who were talking to me). He would call me names, tell me I was fat (I was maybe 10 pounds overweight), and say I was the ugliest and stupidest person he ever met. He played on my insecurities and lack of self-esteem. He would kick me in the back and punch me in the arm (so no o ..read more

With this post I'll be sharing how God finally helped me escape the 7 years of domestic violence that I endured. In case you are wondering, I will be going forward with a book about my life of domestic violence. For now, enjoy this last post for now. Just continue to keep me in your prayers for God to help me write this book and to endure any backlash that will come with it. Thank you all for reading my posts and following along on my journey. God is a God of miracles and nothing is impossible to Him! Yes, I lived 7 years of hell, but because of God's mercy and grace, today I am a strong woma ..read more

The end of my six months of bed rest finally arrived. I went to the doctor for my final checkup. I was given the news that the D&C tore my uterus because of all the harsh scraping that had to be done to remove the fetal tissue. So, now there was a 1% chance I could bear children in the future. I was devastated!! I had always dreamed of being a mother. I remember crying all the way home. Not able to have children...me?? The eldest of 6 children, a Sunday school teacher….I couldn’t have children!!?? I was in shock. I went home and I was just angry! I was angry at him for causing me this hear ..read more

I wish I could say that things got better due to the pregnancy, but they didn’t. He was in denial even when the baby started kicking. He would say I was imagining it all. Despite being pregnant; the beatings, the berating and throwing things continued. One day he came home from work and I was exhausted from cleaning the house and doing laundry that day. He told me to remove his shoes and socks just like I had done since day one of living with him. I remember saying “Ay (his name) I’m so tired and exhausted.” I didn’t yell it, I simply stated it. I saw the look in his eyes when I said that and ..read more

As a newlywed wife, I didn’t have a job at the time. So I stayed home all day. I'd wake up at 4 am to make his burritos for lunch and they had to be made with freshly made tortillas (tortillas had to be perfectly round or else he would hit me with the rolling pin on my head, so I learned to cheat by using a dinner plate and cutting the pattern so that they were perfectly round). Which I never understood why since he usually came home for lunch around noon. Lunch had to be ready and hot for him when he walked in that door. I tried my hardest to please him, but some days he would walk in late an ..read more

We finally said our goodbyes to my mom and my siblings and headed on our way to the apartment where I would live with him. Upon arriving at the apartment, I was told to take everything off the car. So, there I was taking everything up two flights of stairs. I was tired and exhausted by the time I was done. He began to look through all my stuff that I had; clothing he disapproved he tore up with scissors and threw away. This was clothing that I wore throughout our dating and engagement stage. Mind you all my clothing was modest and decent. The church ministry I was in at the time only permitted ..read more

Finally the two weeks were over. We packed up our bags and loaded up the car to head back to Madera. I guess you could say I was still in shock from what had occurred in the past two weeks. The burn on my leg was now healing and my bruised face and black eyes were gone. My body still hurt physically and of course my heart was shattered into a million pieces. I was still trying to wrap my head around who this man was that I was sitting next to in the car. On the ride home, we did not speak to each other, instead he played Spanish Christian music on the radio. I remember thinking to myself that ..read more

Continuation: During the time we were in Anaheim, I stood in the hotel room nursing my wounds crying and praying, while he spent his time sightseeing and cheating. He would come back to the hotel room smelling of women's perfume, with lipstick on his shirt and with a very mean demeanor. He wouldn’t talk to me at all. He would just throw a McDonald's bag and a water bottle at me so that I could eat and drink. I would try to speak to him and even cry to him apologizing for my behavior. I apologized to him in hopes that he would think that we were good and we could go back home to, Madera . I was ..read more