I am sorry that I haven't been updating my blog recently, at the moment I am struggling so I am taking a bit of a break from doing my blog but will be back soon. Gem x ..read more

Being such a young age and in a unit was very scary. I would get very home sick and want to go home, there was a time I tried to make my mum ask if I could become a outpatient but the doctors wouldn't let me. I had several hard times there, times where I wanted to get better and other times where I didn't want to get better. At times when I saw my weight going up I would start to panic which would make me anxious about getting better. Still to this day I panic if I see I am putting on weight but I know how to deal with it a lot better. When you are recovering and your weight goes up quick it i ..read more

Hey guys sorry I haven't updated my blog recently, I have been really busy with work and have started a counselling course at college. Food to me at that point was the devil, I couldn't look at any kind of food because it would make me feel really anxious and annoyed inside. It was like I saw red every time I would see food infront of me or if anyone tried to give me food. The ana (anorexia) would make me think everyone around me were trying to feed me up,which I at that stage started to believe. It made me fall out with my family as I would have the ana inside my head telling me they were tr ..read more

On this page I am going to go into more detail about my experience with anorexia and some stuff could be triggering for people currently battling through eating disorders or those who are in recovery. If you find it too much just skip the page. As a child I loved food and loved baking, but as I got older my relationship with food changed. I always remember how everything started when I got ill. Sometimes I would get so hungry in school but at the same time I would feel guilty, I would eat a cake but I would always spit it out in tissues. The feeling of guilt would hit me as soon as food went ..read more

The first year of being out of the unit was tough but I got through it. I had counselling every week, to discuss how I was doing and how I was feeling. I also had to be weighed every time I went so they could keep an eye on my weight. Every time they would say well done or tell me I'm looking good just made me feel like I was getting bigger, I still struggled with putting weight on. I told the doctors that I wanted to maintain my weight rather than gain, to this day it still panics me if I see my weight going up. My mum was told to hide the scales from me as I was obsessed with taking my weigh ..read more

I think I have mentioned somewhere in my blog that I have a box full of diaries and cards from when I was at my worst with anorexia. I have taken a few photos of my the first food diary I had to keep. On days where I am finding things hard I always go through my box to see how far I have came, which makes me feel positive and shows me I will get through the bad days. Sometimes I do get a little emotional reading letters and cards from family and friends, reading through my diaries and seeing how unhappy and ill I was. Below are some photos from my first food diary: I remember pulling down ..read more

Hi guys sorry I haven't been up to date with the blog as I've had a few things going on but that's all sorted,so I am back to carry on telling my story about recovering and dealing with anorexia and depression. The start of 2012 was much better than 2011, I was happier and was doing well. I started speaking to a boy near the end of 2011, and was still speaking to him coming into 2012. We had been speaking for a while, I never met up with him but we would video chat. He was the first boy I had properly spoken to. A few months passed I didn't know where I stood with this boy as I found out he ..read more

September 2011 This month was my next big step, the day I started at my new school. I was excited but nervous at the same time, the teachers introduced me to a girl in my registration class. She was really nice and showed me where to go, I recognized a few people that I went to primary school with. At that point I was quite anxious to go to them incase they didn't recognize me. The first day went well, I made a few friends and got on well with the teachers. Few months went by and I was really enjoying school, I had came off my meal plan in that time. At first I found it difficult becaus ..read more

After just over three months of being an inpatient in the unit my parents decided to take me out of there as I wasn't getting any better and was picking up tricks. It was difficult getting better at home, I found it easier to get away with stuff. I would weigh myself every time my family went out and I would exercise in my bedroom when everyone was asleep. I remember feeling so low that I didn't want to live anymore, I thought of ending my life but the thing that stopped me was my family. I couldn't think of putting them through that. Sometimes I would get so low I would harm myself, I would ..read more

Few weeks after being ill with pneumonia I started struggling and picking up new tricks from other patients. At that point I no longer wanted to get better, I had lost hope. Knowing I had put on weight had started to get to me, I really didn't want to put anymore weight on. Every meal time started to get harder, I would start to take my time eating again. I would start crying because I didn't want to eat and was scared. The nurses would sit and watch me eat, I hid food in my mouth but the nurses caught me out and would take me back to the dining room to swallow the food. My mum was informed t ..read more