Conflict is a part of life. We've all had disagreements, arguments, and moments when we’ve been hurt by someone we care about. But here’s the thing—conflict doesn't mean toxicity. In fact, when handled with love, care, and mutual respect, conflict can be an opportunity for growth and deeper connection. The key? Resolution. However, if you’ve been in a relationship with a covert narcissist, you’ve likely experienced conflict that feels endless, irrational, and emotionally overwhelming. When they get angry, it’s not about resolving an issue—it’s about controlling, manipulating, and keeping powe ..read more

 Conflict is a part of life. Everyone has faced a disagreement, an argument, or a situation where things got heated with another person. It’s a natural, sometimes uncomfortable, but ultimately vital aspect of human relationships. But what if the conflict you’re experiencing isn’t just about two differing viewpoints? What if it feels like you’re walking on eggshells, constantly trying to prevent a bomb from exploding? What if the anger you face from the other person doesn’t make any sense at all? If this sounds familiar, then you might be dealing with a covert narcissist. As a somatic expe ..read more

For decades people understood PTSD or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder where one traumatic event could reverberate in a persons nervous system causing them to be flung into flashbacks that kept that traumatic event alive even decades after the event was over. For example: A soldier that underwent battle comes home and a car backfires sending them to the ground, heart racing, sweating and ready for a battle that has been over for years. A victim of assault hears a similar voice or smell and suddenly their mind is flung back to the most frightening, traumatic event of their life.  It's awful ..read more

One of the hardest parts about healing after childhood trauma, narcissistic abuse and/or cptsd was the fact that after breaking out of the mental fog, confusion, disbelief and pain; and after detoxifying my life from all toxic people that seemed to make it their mission for me to believe about myself what they projected onto me... the beliefs that were planted by the abuse and emotional trauma did NOT update easily. Childhood trauma, whether it stems from narcissistic abuse, emotionally unavailable parents, parents with addictions, emotional neglect - regardless of the cause, all of these dyna ..read more

At some point along the way, a child of a narcissistic parent sees that they are not loved unconditionally. The child picks up that no matter how hard s/he tries - it's just never enough to get the narcissistic parents love and approval. This is a hard reality for a child. Especially considering that the person whom they are seeking approval from is also responsible for their safety and survival. But the child's brain does something interesting to help the child to cope with the emotional trauma: Rather than view their parent as the problem, rather than blame their parent ..... the child views ..read more

Have you ever heard me say that narcissists regulate THEIR nervous system with YOURS??? Looking back, I realized this was happening way before I understood the why. It had become so apparent with the passing of time... why is s/he so angry when I'm just sitting here feeling happy? The second... and I mean the second I sit down to relax and feel just grounded in the moment - there's this crisis, or I'm dodging emotional daggers. Yet the second I begin reacting to their abusive and aggressive behavior - it's as if my anger has provided a sedative for them. It's easy to spot this strange reaction ..read more

There is no right or wrong when it comes to feelings. Feelings are 'ours' and everyone has a right to feel whatever comes up in their body. We are not robots to be programmed as to what we 'should' or 'shouldn't' feel - that is the beauty of free will.   Unfortunately narcissistic abuse trespasses into the God given gift of free will as the malignant narcissist attempts to 'program' you to do, be, think, feel, react and/or suppress pieces of yourself according to what suits THEM. You can feel happy and talented.... as long as they can take credit for it. You cannot feel sad or upset no ma ..read more

'Cptsd is impossible to heal - you will be battling this forever!' Have you ever heard anyone say this? Have you ever uttered these words yourself? I will admit that there was a time when I truly believed I would never break out of the cptsd. In a very frightening way it was as if I was no longer me... I was taken over by the cptsd and it had become my identity. The person I knew that I was, had become deeply buried under trauma, coping skills, fear, a harsh inner critic, and a hypervigilance that wouldn't let me feel comfortable in my own body, let alone comfortable around others.  It wa ..read more

Covert narcissists operate very much like a lion seeking prey. The lion, as strong as it is, prefers to attack prey that is wounded, sick or weak. Just because it CAN take down the strongest member of the herd, doesn't mean it wants to have to exert that much energy in doing so. Covert narcissists are the same in the sense that they seek emotional prey in much the same way. They CAN take down someone that is healthy, secure, has boundaries and a strong sense of identity - but it would require more time and energy than they care to exert.  They prefer to hone in on individuals with the fol ..read more

There is an account in the bible where someone sows fine seeds in a field while his enemy sows weeds among those fine seed in an effort to ruin the harvest. Isn't narcissistic abuse just like that?   You are trying to be the best person you can be, yet the malignant narcissist sows things within you - anxiety, low self esteem, fear, lack of confidence, negative self image, in an effort to ruin your personality in your eyes and your reputation in the eyes of others.   Now don't get me wrong - I've always been a big believer that we are all responsible for our own feelings, and action ..read more