When my son Lucas was first diagnosed with autism and we learned he would be non-verbal, fear and uncertainty took hold of me. How would I communicate with him, understand his needs, and ensure he felt heard and loved? The idea of dealing with a non-verbal person seemed next to impossible. Most people reading this might think the same thing. After all, so much of our lives are wrapped up in words. We choose them, watch them, and carefully say them. Our communication seems to hinge entirely on verbal language. But does it really? Choosing words, watching them, and carefully using them imply the ..read more

Having a child with special needs means not dwelling in the past or fully living in the present. For those who constantly worry about tomorrow, the mind often drifts into the future. I know mine did. When my son, Lucas, was just a baby and I was first to spot certain “red flags”, I was already doing it. My mind tried to paint a picture of the person he was going to become. Keep in mind that we do this with all kids. I get that. His neurotypical sister is three years older than he is and I flash forward to future incarnations of her in my brain. The difference is that I feel more secure in what ..read more

When it comes to meals, my non-verbal son, Lucas, thinks they’re all a group activity. If someone brings themselves a plate of food, he perks up, looks over, and casually approaches. Fixing his gaze squarely on your plate, he’ll slowly reach his hand out. If you don’t stop him, he will attempt to take some for himself. If you do engage, he will slowly bring his hand to his chest as if to say, “Me?” Then, at the same speed, he will touch his lips as if to ask, “May I gobble it all down into my food hole?” Let me walk you through some possible outcomes of this situation and admit, right up front ..read more

Defending our children is an instinct every parent understands, but when your child has special needs, that instinct can become heightened. Even the most straight-laced of us threaten to start cutting people when a negative thought about our children is uttered. Mama bears. Daddy wolves. Caretaker dangerous animals. You get the template. When you have a child with special needs, that ramps up the simmering paranoia from the jump. The idea that someone – anyone – could try to harm my boy, a genuinely sweet soul with no ill-will towards anyone, takes things to a different level. You look around ..read more

Recently, I wrote about patience in special needs parenting. The gist was that my non-verbal son, often unable to voice his confusion or unhappiness, will make it through a function without incident. He might not be perfect every time, but whatever the percentage, it’s still a big accomplishment that we, as parents, tend to overlook. I also acknowledged that, as his parent, I need to be patient too. When you have a child like mine, you need to factor in that things may take longer to explain or might not be understood at all. This past week was a doubleheader in terms of that life lesson. My l ..read more

When you have a special needs child, the word “patience” pops up a lot. It’s like having Axl Rose playing in the background of your entire life. Said sugar, make it slow, and all that. For starters, people like to commend my patience. As the father to a non-verbal 13-year-old, many see what our days are like outside the house and notice that I’m calm in the face of a potential meltdown. They see me taking time away to understand what Lucas wants or needs. We take longer to get things done, but I don’t mind. For those watching, I appear to be a patient parent. This was the part where I was supp ..read more

When it’s time for Lucas to go to sleep, I have a way of making his bedtime less of a conflict. As a non-verbal boy on the autism spectrum, Lucas responds better when we find a routine for how we do things. He doesn’t need it to be the same every time, but it definitely helps. At bedtime, Lucas plays on his iPad in bed until it’s time to transition to calming music and dimmed lights. I give him a five-second countdown to hand it over. Depending on his exhaustion, this handoff can be easy or difficult. If he gets upset, I let him keep it for a few more minutes, ensuring he understands I’ll be b ..read more

As the father to a non-verbal child with autism, I know how important it is for our family to recognize where we were, where we are, and where we plan on going. Knowing Lucas’s strengths today versus his struggles of yesterday is fundamental is seeing him as more than a list of challenges. It’s why I write so much about autism appreciation and how his personality is beautiful, in many ways, because of, rather than despite, his autism. So much of what makes my son who he is comes from the unique way he interacts with the world. This is obvious to those who know and love him. When I write about ..read more

The first time I remember hearing about Occupational Therapy, I had no idea what it meant. Out of all the services my young son had compiled for early intervention, O.T. was the one mystery. Physical therapy? I knew that one. Fighters get that when rehabbing injuries. My little guy was a fighter. Speech? Special Education? Those too were old-school phrases that I could wrap my head around. Occupational therapy sounds like deep conversations you have with a skilled worker. In reality, it’s a professional who helps those struggling with daily activities. Think physical therapy, but not limited t ..read more

Certain things feel universal for all special needs parents. We experience commonplace interactions and, when one of us mentions it, we all understand. One such moment was when my non-verbal son, then a smaller version of who he is now, would do something socially unacceptable, but not Earth-shattering. We’d be among outsiders when he’d act out in a way considered “naughty”. Whether he snatches one of the cookies from the plate of an acquaintance or grabs a ball from the hand of another child, I’ve watched as my little man ignored all social graces. As a parent, it would cause embarrassment th ..read more