ATLANTA, GA—Staring for hours at the 500,000x-magnified image of the novel coronavirus under his electron microscope, Dr. Henry Thomson of the CDC just could not believe his startling discovery: Imprinted at the base of one of the coronavirus’ crownlike spikes were the words “Made in China!” This shocking finding is being taken as definitive proof that the devastating virus originated in a Chinese lab. “I told you so!” shouted a gleeful Alex Jones of InfoWars, who for the first time ever may have had a conspiracy theory proven correct*. But instead of taking the win gracefully, Mr. Jones unfo ..read more

We are providing continuing coverage from the BestEver Hospital as the aftermath of this morning’s events unfolds. “Alright, sure, yeah that might have been how it went down,” said Dr. P. Rone, a first-year Pulmonary & Critical Care Fellow, “she might have done that, it’s all a bit of a blur. Now if you don’t mind, I have a Twitter feed I must tend to.” We were able to track down a family member of the patient involved, and they had this to say: “Well mom’s in for the Carona flu, so Matty ‘nd Betsy ‘nd Joel ‘n Ronnie flew in on an hour’s notice from NYC, spared no expense, to see how she ..read more

ATLANTA, GA – With point of care testing for SARS-CoV-2 drastically lagging behind patient demand, experts at the CDC are urging the public to help practice social distancing to help flatten the epidemiologic curve. In order to develop guidelines, the CDC has created a pathologist-led taskforce to utilize their specialty’s best practices in extreme social distancing. “Social distancing may seem like a new concept to many people, yet many Americans and healthcare providers don’t realize that pathologists have been mastering the art of social distancing for decades,” says Dr. Thomas Laikos ..read more

BROOKLYN, NY – An OCD Brooklyn pathologist, Anais Vernon, is starting to lose it, telling Gomerblog that she can’t deal with all these stains any more. “Gram stains, Ziehl-Neelsen stains, Pap stains, PAS stains, silver stains, Sudan stains, they’re everywhere, I can’t rid of them, no matter how hard I try!” said Vernon, who is on the verge of a breakdown. And yet she continues to scrub vigorously, determined. “And don’t even get me started on these H&E stains, they’re everywhere!!” Staining helps pathologists in the histological study of cells and tissues under the microscope. Though it’s ..read more

KNOXVILLE, TN – In the hopes of luring more patients, Knoxville General Hospital has setup an outdoor blood bank stand boasting that their frozen plasma is not only fresh but fresh-squeezed too. And it’s selling it for only 50 cents a glass. “The summer’s almost here and there’s nothing better to quench your thirst or stop that bleed than with fresh-squeezed frozen plasma or, as I call it, FSFP,” explained pathologist Dr. David Hammock, who is drinking a large glass of the stuff. We’re all familiar with fresh frozen plasma or FFP. FFP is the liquid portion of blood, which is collected and fro ..read more

“Now remember, don’t eat breakfast tomorrow if someone accidentally brings a tray to you” NASHVILLE, TN – In an effort to minimize aspiration and prevent any further delays in management, forensic pathologist Dr. Jason Martin has made his deceased patient NPO after midnight for possible autopsy in the morning. “The last thing we need,” Martin explained, “is for this guy to get up and eat something, have it go the wrong way, and then he develops aspiration pneumonia on top of his already-decaying lungs.”  Martin also added that postmortem antibiotics can potentially complicate the executi ..read more

CHICAGO, IL – A fascinating new report from the American Society for Clinical Pathology (ASCP) explains emotional scars are actually made up of the same protein found in physical scars, collagen, and not simply a metaphorical description or figure of speech. “I hope this event does create too much collagen in my brain” “We know that a physical scar is how the body repairs damaged organs or tissues, like the skin for example, by replacing the injured area with fibrous tissue made up of collagen,” explains ASCP President Dr. James Wisecarver.  “It was only natural then to wonder if emotion ..read more

BALTIMORE, MD – With each additional minute that Dr. Parathyrus struggled to log into PACS, the feeling of lethargy in the room became more and more palpable. “Gosh darn it, I think I’m going to need to ask for some technical support,” said the good doctor, who was the only one in the room not struggling against bilateral ptosis. “Here we go! Look at this neck CT. Does everyone appreciate the lesion here? Isn’t it impressive?” Dr. Rhett was not impressed. Instead, he was now in altered mental status territory, and could not distinguish what was real from what was imaginary. “Why does the pati ..read more

See what Google thinks of your medical specialty.  Don’t see your specialty listed?  Look it up and post away on our Facebook post!  We’d love to see more ..read more

Dolores Umbridge, Corenelius Fudge, Percy Weasley- Administration- you operate on a sliding scale of likability and we aren’t sure if you’re evil, rigid, or caught up in the wrong place at the wrong time. Either way, things get difficult   Gilderoy Lockhart- Anesthesiology– you’re great at what you do. You know your goal, and if you do it right, the patient won’t Rolanda Hooch- ATC– you enjoy the game, but know when to take someone to the hospital wing   Arthur Weasley- Biotech– we don’t know how what or how you’re doing, but you manage to contribute to it all   Molly W ..read more