The Complexity of People-Pleasing
Doctor Ilene
by Dr. Ilene
6M ago
I have encountered many individuals who identify as people-pleasers throughout my therapy career. This tendency can manifest in diverse ways, yet the underlying process is strikingly similar. People-pleasing often arises to manage anxiety about others’ reactions or disapproval. It involves altering one’s inner world to align with what might soothe a situation. While this may ..read more
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Understanding the Roots of Intolerance
Doctor Ilene
by Dr. Ilene
6M ago
Today, hate is almost pervasive, permeating different forms of media, creating a sense of division and coldness. People express hate for various reasons, often hiding behind their screens to lash out at those who disagree with them. It’s challenging not to absorb their anger and rage. However, understanding is a potent tool that can bring ..read more
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Breaking the Pattern of the Need to Please
Doctor Ilene
by Dr. Ilene
6M ago
Many people believe that being kind, gentle, and agreeable will guarantee love and acceptance from others. They avoid confronting destructive behaviors, thinking that by being nice, they can help others lead better lives. However, this approach often leads to feelings of disrespect and disconnection from life, other people, and oneself. People-pleasers often endure ongoing invalidation ..read more
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Repairing Family Patterns in Romantic Relationships
Doctor Ilene
by Dr. Ilene
6M ago
In our romantic relationships, we often find ourselves repeating or attempting to repair the interactional patterns established in our family of origin. According to Bowen’s family systems theory, these patterns can significantly influence the dynamics within our partnerships, marriages, and even future generations. However, recognizing and addressing these patterns is not a daunting task, but ..read more
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Embracing the Slow Journey of Real Change
Doctor Ilene
by Dr. Ilene
7M ago
Imagine Barbra, a young professional who has struggled with procrastination for years. She expects that one day she’ll wake up different, ready to tackle her to-do list with newfound efficiency. But change doesn’t come overnight. Instead, Barbra notices small shifts in her habits—choosing to complete a task right away rather than delaying it, setting short-term ..read more
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Understanding Emotional Overreactions
Doctor Ilene
by Dr. Ilene
7M ago
Sarah had always prided herself on her meticulous attention to detail and ability to manage multiple tasks efficiently. One day, during a routine team meeting, her colleague, John, casually mentioned that there might be an error in one of her project reports. Despite his calm and constructive tone, Sarah felt an immediate surge of anxiety and defensiveness. Believing her ..read more
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How to Navigate Unsolicited Advice
Doctor Ilene
by Dr. Ilene
8M ago
As a therapist, I frequently encounter individuals who struggle with navigating interactions with opinionated people who offer advice instead of listening. For instance, you might share a personal experience with a friend only to be met with unsolicited opinions and instructions on handling the situation. And you may wonder, “How can I effectively respond to such situations without compromising my boundaries or losing my peace of mind?” You might also be thinking about how to quickly exit the uncomfortable conversation without insulting the other person. Hearing advice can be incredibly frustr ..read more
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Harmonizing Family Relationships Post-Baby Arrival
Doctor Ilene
by Dr. Ilene
8M ago
As couples become parents, managing relationships with in-laws often becomes a significant concern. Dealing with differing opinions and expectations from grandparents can stress the relationship between new parents. This becomes even more prevalent when grandparents seek to influence parenting decisions that may not align with the parent’s views. The period following the birth of your baby is a time of intense conversations, especially for first-time grandparents. As children become parents and parents become grandparents, profound shifts occur within family structures. These shifts trigger a ..read more
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Managing Chronic Complainers
Doctor Ilene
by Dr. Ilene
8M ago
We all know someone with an endless list of complaints, turning almost every conversation into a platform for airing grievances. These chronic complainers focus on the negative, exaggerate situations, and rarely seem satisfied. But have you ever stopped to wonder why this behavior persists? The Science Behind Chronic Complaining Research indicates that chronic complaining can have significant physiological effects on the brain. The repetitive indulgence in negative emotions such as frustration, anger, and powerlessness can lead to a rewiring of neurotransmitters. This neural rewiring reinforce ..read more
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Nurturing Healthy Sibling Relationships in Adulthood
Doctor Ilene
by Dr. Ilene
8M ago
Sibling relationships are some of the most important relationships you’ll have. They’re family but can also be your friend, confidant, and biggest fan. They’ll be some of the only people to know you for most of your life. However, rivalry, comparison, and sometimes emotional distance can complicate and strain sibling relationships. You might have grown up in the same home with the same parents and family but have different views of your upbringing and the world, which can create conflict between you. When it comes to adult siblings, creating and maintaining healthy relationships can be challen ..read more
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