The couple sit down and as she starts to talk, her husband looks away. He seems more interested in the books on my shelf. The more emotional and pleading she gets, the more withdrawn and shut down he gets. He says he wants the relationship to improve but he can’t handle her critical complaining. Why is it that this young man, who professes love, seems to withdraw emotionally just at the moment his partner so deeply needs his love and reassurance? She looks back at me hurt and angry whilst he remains unmoved, withdrawn and determinedly casting his eye away from his distressed partner. What’s ha ..read more

Connection is the corner stone of all good relationships. I have worked with so many people who often sit in my room and talk about the fact that they are not particularly unhappy but they feel like they are living parallel lives. There is nothing as painful as feeling alone within a relationship. Loneliness and isolation has the same impact on our lives and our longevity as being a heavy smoker according to research. Isolation fundamentally impacts our well-being. Feeling connected is the corner stone of being human. The moment we take our very first breath we are in a relationship with our m ..read more

Sometimes with the best will in the world our partner refuses to do couple therapy. You know that the time has come to make some changes as your relationship is in trouble. You have asked nicely, you have cajoled and still your partner wont budge. There are a number of reasons they may not want to join you – too busy, tried it before and it didn’t work, they hope that things will just blow over or perhaps they cant see how a stranger can help. Before you start thinking you are sunk with no way out of your situation; there is another way and that is to go by yourself. There is simply no upside ..read more

Family loyalty is such a complex thing. Blood is thicker than water. Our family of origin is where we learn the many unwritten rules of how we relate. We can often hit a snag when we form our own families and new rules and loyalties need to be forged. Many years ago I met a woman who felt her marriage was in tatters. It became clear that she had never been accepted by her mother in law and to compound matters her husband, in her eyes, never supported her. She was distraught. She had been married close on thirty years and this feeling of not having her husband’s loyalty had coloured her marria ..read more

So you are experiencing some problems in your marriage and you have decided that it would be useful to have some couples counselling. This is may be a turning point in your relationship. Deciding on who you are happy to work with and trust is imperative. Finding a well trained and accredited therapist who has experience is key to the process being useful. Therapist are trained to ask questions but here are some questions you need to ask and why. Is your therapist experienced and trained in couples counselling? Counsellors sadly are not all made equal and the term is not protected. Couples coun ..read more

From the time we take our first breath we are relational in nature. Relationships are vital for our wellbeing and happiness. I work with all relationships including those that are seeking one. I work with people who are stressed anxious or isolated. Couples who are perhaps no longer communicating or are feeling like the relationship is falling into a rut or perhaps need to resolve bigger issues around infidelity, money or children. Families who are going through a divorce. When we are feeling good about our relationships we are able to manage life’s stresses better. How rewarding is relationsh ..read more

“Help we might as well be talking different languages!” “We just don’t communicate very well” One section in my intake form is on communication. This is often the part that causes the most discussion.  Each person brings with them a different style of communication and it can often feel like our partner might as well be talking a different language! If we start to feel like our partner is either not “hearing” or if we just can’t understand what our partner needs things can start to come adrift. Couples find ways to short circuit the tension by avoiding certain subjects or by simply not ta ..read more

The couple sit down and as she starts to talk, her husband looks away. He seems more interested in the books on my shelf. The more emotional and pleading she gets, the more withdrawn and shut down he gets. He says he wants the relationship to improve but he can’t handle her critical complaining. Why is it that this young man, who professes love, seems to withdraw emotionally just at the moment his partner so deeply needs his love and reassurance? She looks back at me hurt and angry whilst he remains unmoved, withdrawn and determinedly casting his eye away from his distressed partner. What’s ha ..read more

Connection is the corner stone of all good relationships. I have worked with so many people who often sit in my room and talk about the fact that they are not particularly unhappy but they feel like they are living parallel lives. There is nothing as painful as feeling alone within a relationship. Loneliness and isolation has the same impact on our lives and our longevity as being a heavy smoker according to research. Isolation fundamentally impacts our well-being. Feeling connected is the corner stone of being human. The moment we take our very first breath we are in a relationship with our m ..read more

Sometimes with the best will in the world our partner refuses to do couple therapy. You know that the time has come to make some changes as your relationship is in trouble. You have asked nicely, you have cajoled and still your partner wont budge. There are a number of reasons they may not want to join you – too busy, tried it before and it didn’t work, they hope that things will just blow over or perhaps they cant see how a stranger can help. Before you start thinking you are sunk with no way out of your situation; there is another way and that is to go by yourself. There is simply no upside ..read more