..read more

In an adorable story that highlights the triumph of love over all kinds of adversity, your loose acquaintances Jason Hedland and Amani Price just announced their three-year dating anniversary with an Instagram post that lists all the times they definitely should have broken up.   “Year three with this piece of shit, or as I call him, Jay-Jay,” Amani’s post began, immediately striking a tone that was at best confusing and at worst scary. “When Jay-Jay and I met, he made it really clear he didn’t find my ‘dumpy ass’ attractive, and that’s where our love began.”   Yikes!   Sources ..read more

..read more

..read more

For better or worse, our bodies are always communicating with us. It’s important to be in tune with your physical form so that you’re familiar with its signals and can be aware if something’s amiss. However, it’s also true that 90% of the time, your body is just spewing some bullshit. So, here’s how you can learn to listen to your body, even though, most of the time, it has no idea what it’s talking about.   Slow down and take time to connect with yourself. Ensure you’re really listening to your body by allocating time in your day to block out all other distractions and really focus on yo ..read more

..read more

In a devastating story emerging from a coffee shop in Bethesda, MA, 24-year-old Patti O’Neil is realizing in real time that she’s definitely told this story to someone before, but she can’t for the life of her remember whom.   The ordeal began when Patti’s friend Yuri Seminova told her that he was heading to Florida this month, which launched Patti on a long and winding tale about her own trip to Florida.   “I got about five sentences into my story about falling from a parasail when I realized I had maybe told him this already,” she told reporters from the coffee shop’s bathroom, whe ..read more

In a developing story coming out of New York University, where more than 150 protestors were arrested last night for demanding that the university divest from companies that profit from Israeli apartheid, a spokesperson from NYU announced that the institution “supports individuals’ right to freedom of expression,” despite the fact that he was already on the phone trying to reach the National Guard.   “No one should be scared to express themselves on campus,” NYU spokesperson Larry Houston told reporters, while momentarily holding his phone to his chest. “As long as you ask us nicely befor ..read more

Much to many absent fake plant parents’ dismay, a new report coming out of Cornell University’s School of Horticultural Science has declared that just because a fake plant doesn’t need water doesn’t mean it wouldn’t still really enjoy some.   Scientists at the university explained that this finding should come as no surprise.   “It’s just common decency,” Lead Researcher Dr. Cynthia Bello told reporters. “You’d offer a guest a glass of water, no matter how fake they were, wouldn’t you? So, why not extend that same courtesy to your fake house plants?”   The study recorded various ..read more

A ..read more