I’m the Best Detective in the World, So Why Do You Keep Second-Guessing Me?
Points in Case - Enlightening and Irreverent Comedy
by Adam Dietz
3h ago
I believe I have, at long last, cracked the case wide open. By taking into account the fact that all of the victims were English students, the orthopedic shoe treading found at the crime scene, and the continued references to Blake and Lord Byron in their braggadocious letters mailed to the local newspaper, I have deduced that the killer is none other than Ms. Withers, the aging and embittered librarian! Damn! How did I not see it sooner? It all makes perfect sense now. Of course, it was Ms. Withers– Oh, you’re not sure? You think there might be some holes in my theory? Interesting. I guess my ..read more
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Are You My Future Boyfriend or a Personal Injury Lawyer?
Points in Case - Enlightening and Irreverent Comedy
by Kendra Stanton Lee
2d ago
You’re willing to fight for what I deserve. And I think we can agree, the least I deserve is a new Benz. You categorically accept my claim that “This is not entirely my fault.”Like I told you, I was looking down at my phone at the stoplight. It turns out I had ordered my Starbucks at the WRONG Starbucks. Imagine finding out you were driving in the opposite direction, away from the venti salted caramel brulee no whip you believed would be waiting for you steaming hot, and then you had to pull a U-turn quickly so that said beverage would not be ice cold by the time you arrive. Yes, I should hav ..read more
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So Who’s the Real Monster in All This?
Points in Case - Enlightening and Irreverent Comedy
by David Guzman
3d ago
Dear Lord, look at you people. Holed up in this warehouse for what, five days? How quickly you turned on each other. Really makes you think: who is the real monster here? The tentacled creature lurking in the vapor outside that you hid out from… or were you all the real monster this whole time? No, Tentaco, as we called the creature down at the military base where we created it, was not the real monster here. Neither were we at the base the real monster for creating Tentaco, as part of experiments we conducted involving otherworldly realms, and tentacles. All we were doing was pushing the boun ..read more
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It’s Very Postmodern
Points in Case - Enlightening and Irreverent Comedy
by Jennifer Kim
4d ago
If I had to describe this piece in one word, I’d say that it’s very postmodern. What’s interesting about postmodernism is that it’s not before modernism. It’s not even during modernism, like while it’s happening, but it’s after modernism. Some people might ask, how long after modernism is it? A few hours? A few days? Let me put it this way, it’s so past modernism that if you looked back, even with high-quality binoculars, all you would see is a tiny dot. You’d have to squint, and even while squinting, you’d still be like, huh, that is honestly crazy how tiny that is. Speaking of, I’d have to s ..read more
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Hello, I’m Lord Byron Castleface, of the Castleface Castlefaces
Points in Case - Enlightening and Irreverent Comedy
by James Knapp
5d ago
Charmed to meet you, I’m sure I am. Afraid I can’t stay at this adequately society-type party long, as I have plans to do something elaborate with horses this evening. But I did think I should make an appearance, being who I am and all—I know what is expected of me. And yes you did hear me right. I am Lord Byron Castleface. Yes, of the Castlefaces. Now now, no need to be polite or offer to kiss my golden socks at all. I don’t like sycophants. All I ask is to be treated like anyone else here in this room full of untouchable royalty—I do presume all of the servant class are kept safely out of si ..read more
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Prenup for Hipster Dirtbags
Points in Case - Enlightening and Irreverent Comedy
by Hallie Pritts
6d ago
This agreement (“Agreement”) between Lora Cuccaro and Nate “Fritzy” Smith defines how their assets and liabilities shall be divided in the event of their divorce. WHEREAS, neither Cuccaro nor Smith has been married before unless you count submitting cohabitation paperwork to Whole Foods (“Inc.”) to get the partner discount, which for the purposes of this document, we will ignore. Agreement prepared by their buddy Kurt, who did a year of pre-law before dropping out to drum fulltime in a sick hardcore band. Witnesseth the Following: The bandmates of both Cuccaro and Smith shall have their longst ..read more
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If Classic Literature Had Ad Breaks
Points in Case - Enlightening and Irreverent Comedy
by Julien Perez
1w ago
Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the best sleep I ever got thanks to Helix Mattress. It only takes two minutes to get matched with the perfect mattress for your sleep preferences. Try it today!” The Adventure of The Red Circle by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle “'Education never ends, Watson. It is a series of lessons, with the greatest for the last. Say, have you ever considered signing up for Masterclass?' ‘Masterclass? You mean the online schooling platform?' ‘Precisely. Why, yo ..read more
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A Guided Meditation for Moving Out of Your Walk-up Apartment
Points in Case - Enlightening and Irreverent Comedy
by Carrie Pinkard
1w ago
Start by taking a moment to tune into your body. Notice how you have no lower back pain. This won’t last long once you start moving, so cherish the feeling. Bring your hand to the soft flesh of your bicep. Ask yourself, when is the last time you lifted a dumbbell? Will it be physically possible to carry your JOKKMOKK IKEA table down the stairs? Feel the sensation of the unused gym membership card burning in your pocket. Reflect on all the times you were winded from just taking out the trash. Know in your heart that this will be so, so much worse than that. Take a few breaths, now a few more br ..read more
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Writers, Please Avoid Using the Following Forbidden Literary Devices
Points in Case - Enlightening and Irreverent Comedy
by Lillie Franks
1w ago
Postshadowing: The author leaves clues that something is about to happen, but after it’s already happened. Metafar: The author compares two things without using the words “like” or “as,” but it’s frankly a bit of a stretch. Gallegory: Everything in a story represents something else, but only for the ladies. Men still have to read it literally. Reverse Euphemism: The author says something that’s fine, but you wish they didn’t say it that way. Double Personification: An author treats an inanimate object as if it’s two, equally important people. Flashdown: The author briefly leaves the action fo ..read more
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I’ve Traveled Back in Time To Be on the Forbes 30 Under 30
Points in Case - Enlightening and Irreverent Comedy
by Matt Corluka
1w ago
My dear Forbes Magazine! I’ve come back in time to apply to be on the Forbes “30 Under 30” list. An orphan and lifelong reader of Forbes, I graduated with a degree in theoretical physics only to face a world ravaged by climate change, videos where standup comics destroy hecklers, and the Costco Wars. With the last dregs of humanity, I became one of the lucky few to be invited into a reinforced bunker (along with my pal Mike, who is not as grateful as I would be if I was someone’s bunker plus one). We all occupy roles to ensure the survival of the human race. Mike was offered “Fertility St ..read more
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