Words are so incredibly powerful. Assuming that they are the precursor to action, the words at yesterday's  inauguration suggest the welcomed return to civility, kindness and unity.  May it ever be so.     The carelessness with which words have been used in recent years has made me quite anxious. At the beginning of the last presidency, I was concerned about the inattention to tone, which seemed to diminish the dignity of the office.  Many people attributed this rough delivery to the inexperience of a political outsider. There were excuses for ..read more

For the two years since Brent died, I have been trying to find my place in the world.  More accurately, I have been trying to find myself, because I do not recognize this life.  It  is so radically different from what it once was. For many years, I found my identity primarily as a mother, advocate and caregiver. I was a fixture in our local hospital, living there with Lauren and Brent during their various cancer treatments.  Beyond those walls, I was always looking to expand my scientific contacts because I never knew who I would next need to help my children.  I had become accustomed to the ..read more

It has been a very full week, one that began with funeral services on Sunday for a cancer friend.  During our last stint on the oncology unit in late 2017, while Lauren was in treatment for osteosarcoma and Brent was trying to bridge to his 18th birthday in order to be eligible for an adult clinical trial for relapsed leukemia, little Viv and her family lived in the hospital with us.  She was receiving a bone marrow transplant for her own aggressive leukemia. This tiny child brightened those dreary halls and filled a room with joy and hope, just by being there. Vivian Rose was beautiful, sassy ..read more

Brent spent over six years dealing with multiple cancer diagnoses and serious medical conditions that were caused by the cancer treatments.  Some years, he spent more time in the hospital than he did at home. After a spending long day waiting to be admitted in the outpatient clinic, or a long night in the emergency department, or after a long stint in the pediatric ICU, he would yearn to go to his hospital "home" unit, where the nurses knew him best. Hugs and high fives go out to all of the nurses working under difficult circumstances every day. Please know that you matter. While the oncology ..read more

It has been a quiet summer.  While July is littered with dates that trigger difficult memories for me,  I remained very present during my daily communion with the hummingbirds and my obsessive planting of flowers. Gardening became a fixation, perhaps because the flowers bring an uncomplicated tranquility, just like the butterflies and birds that they attract. As the summer wound down, Olivia became nervous about going to a new school.  I tried to reassure her and told her about the kind teachers and supportive environment at the middle school. Still looking to her siblings for guidance, Oliv ..read more

As I dug up the explosion of wild onions in my iris bed this morning and I also weeded through my tangled thoughts. I need this kind of work sometimes, the sort that keeps the hands busy but allows the mind freedom to wander, to prioritize and to process. Weeds are always a good metaphor for cancer.  We are backed up against scans in my home, and the comparisons are unavoidable.  We are being vigilant, in case a seed was left behind and a new tiny shoot needs to be plucked. I welcome your prayers, because I don't know if I can yet form my own.  God and I have had some bewildering interactions ..read more

I was sitting at the kitchen table with Olivia last night.  Glancing at the paper that I had been marking up, she asked me what I was reading.  Rather than a piece of poetry, as she might have hoped, it was a research paper on cancer disparities.  "Oh, this is to just to help me for my work in Washington DC in a few weeks."  It is sometimes difficult to explain the latest in cancer research. Olivia is 11 but she is curious and asked a million questions.  I have been asked to serve on a workgroup at the FDA for tumor agnostic clinical trial design. She really wanted to understand what this was ..read more