Today I head back to the city. I discover there are certain things I can only find there. While I love my new home on the Hudson, there are just some experiences of my former life that are irreplaceable. This includes having a haircut with my Japanese hair stylist Jun. I’ve tried a few stylists up here, but they just don’t seem to know how to handle my stubborn, thick, and straight hair. My hair resists them. Another is a bagel shop close to the salon. A trip to Jun always involves a bagel and coffee. Today is no different. I’ve stopped having manicures because I can’t find a place like the o ..read more

It’s Sunday morning. Sleeping in for me is now 7:30 AM since during the week I am up at 5. Calvin is already up and I can smell the freshly ground coffee. I enter my “new/old” kitchen with its cheery buttercup yellow cupboards. Light streaks across the golden heart pine floor. The room glows. My hand curls around the green ceramic mug that holds my coffee. It’s the same color as the walls. Warmth flows from it into my hand. My eye is caught by the color of this week’s $3.99 Trader Joe’s bouquet. A small treat that brings pleasure all week long. The budget bunches of flowers last longer than o ..read more

let oneself go act in a uninhibited way. “you need to unwind and let yourself go” become careless or untidy in one’s habits or appearance. “he’s really let himself go since my mother died”   It’s that time of year when people take the opportunity of a new year, beginning to reset, change a behavior, develop a new habit, or achieve goals that have eluded them throughout the previous year. This upcoming year will be an eventful one for me. I will turn 70. My first book as a non-academic writer will be published. Caregiving for my grandson will no longer be five 6AM-4:00PM days a week an ..read more

I wrote a post on Instagram about Knots. So many women related to it, I thought I would write about it here too. I am usually so impatient when I try to unravel one that I end up making it tighter and harder to separate out the strands. The knot I am fingering and trying to be patient about getting undone is trying to sort out the difference between Purpose, Identity, and Work. I’m having trouble distinguishing between them. I have always functioned like work contained them all. My work has always defined my identity. When asked, what I do, the answer has always been, “I’m a social worker, I ..read more

Today I am getting dressed to go pumpkin picking with my granddaughter, grandson, daughter, son-in-law, and Calvin. It’s cool and overcast, so I’m happy to wear an oversized light grey, sustainably made sweater I recently received as a gift. The first I have not declined in a long time. What I liked about it was that it could be a sweater that any woman, playing any role, could wear. I add the softest suede Loro Piana loafers with a tassel, also light grey, a reminder of one of the last shoots I did for MyTheresa. I wear my oldest pair of jeans, they still fit comfortably. I got them before I ..read more

Well, it finally got me. I was feeling rather invincible. The IT being the Great Interrupter, aka COVID-19. It spread through the entire family, younger ones being done in three days; us older folks more like 10 before we were back to normal. But amid it came great joy, a new grandson! I’ve been writing away to meet my October deadline and we will publish the book next year. Once I submit it in October, next on my list is that community platform we’ve been discussing, alongside caring for my grandson, continuing the home restoration, and any additional writing/editing that may need to be done ..read more

Hello, my friends, It’s been a quiet and reflective last few months, while also researching and writing the book and finishing up the workforce development grants I am still consulting on with my social work hat. My mother’s death hit me hard triggering much thought about my own and my approach to how I am aging. I am being kind to myself about this, much kinder than I was when my father died. World and national events make it hard to think about things like what to wear or even to stay hopeful and optimistic. It feels a bit like skydiving without a parachute. I do get dressed up far less and ..read more

I wrote this essay five days before my mother died on Christmas morning. I was with her through her last hours and the moment of her death, a profound experience. I thank you so much for your comments as I have written about waiting for this moment, which gave me great comfort. I am sharing this post with you today as a way of also letting you in on some other important news, for which you have had a large part in making happen. These two announcements are so indicative of the nature of life in general and older life in particular in that we are always presented with challenges and opportunit ..read more

We set out in the car and take the local route. Following the river, we pass through small cities and towns in various stages of development. Some, like mine, once abandoned or left in disrepair, now show signs of life, propagated by the many transplants from Brooklyn and other boroughs. Thanks to them we will have a maker’s holiday market this year. Our new old car has heated leather seats that keep me warm. Slow jazz repetitions accompany us when we take this journey, lulling me into a tenuous sense of security. At the end of the drive is my mother. She is now in the last stages of dying. U ..read more

Blur (adjective) · make or become less clear or less distinct · a thing that can’t be seen or heard clearly  I live in a blur these days; literally and figuratively. Figuratively, it comes from spending time with my mother. It’s often unclear what she can see and hear. She doesn’t want to talk or engage. Books and crosswords puzzles have been put aside now forgotten. She sleeps most of the time and prefers a gentle touch rather than sounds or sights. She wants to sense you are near and not have you announce it. If she had a choice, she’d prefer to be naked under a light sheet. I leave th ..read more