How do you know you have a body?
Restful Insomnia
by Sondra Kornblatt
1M ago
It’s December. The solstice is approaching. You wake in the dark, see the sun set before 5, and deal with rain, winds, fog and snow. Despite the dark and cold that calls for rest, this can be a busy time of year — parties, families, buying or making gifts, urgency at the grocery store.. As you run around trying to create happy holidays, you may be leaving something behind: your body. Sure, your body goes everywhere with you, but it’s like you’re asking your body to Uber your mind around. And if you’re like many of my clients, you may give your body below-minimum wage. (What’s the least amount ..read more
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Help when you’re caught in a sticky web
Restful Insomnia
by Sondra Kornblatt
2M ago
Have you ever been in such a spin from your inner terror/ panic/ anxiety that you feel like you’re a bug ensnared in a sticky web… with no way out? You may be able to distract yourself at moments with a good book, friend, or movie. But little things like an election sign, horn honking, or a certain song can trap you back in the web. I was there before the election. Lifelong terrors felt imminent. The fact that I was safe in the moment made no difference to my clenching stomach, racing heartbeat, and blood pressure. I was so enmeshed, my anxiety toolkit seemed useless. I didn’t have any perspe ..read more
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Don’t say you’re okay
Restful Insomnia
by Sondra Kornblatt
3M ago
Sometimes (okay, maybe all the time) your harshest critic is yourself. My sister, worn down by negative self-talk, will respond by saying “I’m okay” to herself. Sometimes she’ll modify it and say, “Honey or sweetie, you’re okay,” making her voice sound like the caretaker she wishes she had. Hearing “sweetie” and the caring intonation created moments better than the usual walk of shame. While this helped, it didn’t get her off that treadmill of shame—the perpetual loop of self-badness pervading the mind, body, and moods. I know it too well. Do you? Interrupting the treadmill, like my sister doe ..read more
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Rest is your right as a human bean, not your reward
Restful Insomnia
by Sondra Kornblatt
3M ago
My whole perspective changed with this new book, how to keep house while drowning. Cleaning, self-care, and cooking can be overwhelming, says author KC Davis… especially when we ascribe them as moral choices. “If you have been viewing care tasks as moral, it is likely you’ll either (a) never stop moving, feel anxious and overwhelmed, and are constantly exhausted or (b) lack motivation, feel paralyzed and overwhelmed, and are constantly exhausted. They are two sides of the same coin.” That coin is shame, which becomes the motivator when care tasks are moral (instead of functional ..read more
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My little monkey makes me feel more love
Restful Insomnia
by Sondra Kornblatt
5M ago
A few weeks ago, I left my little stuffed monkey at a family reunion. He belonged to my long gone friend, Michael, and though he’s a physical object, he makes me feel love. I took the courage to explain to my sister-in-law that the little monkey was a comforting travel companion. She got it—and not only sent him back home to me, but crafted him some personal travel accessories. That little monkey increased the love between people as well. When my kids were young, they would only volunteer “I love you” when they felt loved. Maybe after an ice cream treat, a little foot massage, or reading ..read more
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Why you shouldn’t sleep
Restful Insomnia
by Sondra Kornblatt
6M ago
Some people consider this the worst word: Should. “Shoulds are the inflexible, authoritarian, joyless rules for thinking, feeling, and behaving,” says therapist Michael Schreiner. Shoulds represent non-negotiable, impossibly high standards. They appear at various levels of conscious awareness, leading to guilt, shame, self-ridicule when these ideals are not met. Fun, right? I’ve coached many clients about the jabs of shoulds that interrupt their days and nights. But I was surprised to realize that shoulds were the cause of my own intense emotional pain this summer. Myriad imperfections I don’t ..read more
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Grieving Supreme Court Nights
Restful Insomnia
by Sondra Kornblatt
7M ago
On the one hand, this news is no surprise. There was the leak several weeks ago and senatorial obstruction of the Supreme Court nomination process for decades prior. But still the news is horrific. Not just the ownership of women’s bodies by men, but also hearing about the 10 year old girls and women with stillborn babies being denied abortions. It’s anguishing. During the day, you might get support from friends, replenish your mental strength with sunshine and barbecues, and donate to fund those needing abortions. At night though, the clenching in your stomach can become an unending ..read more
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Do you worry about useless things?
Restful Insomnia
by Sondra Kornblatt
7M ago
Do you uselessly worry? Maybe it’s worrying about: What someone thinks about you… Whether your house is too messy… How you look… Whether your pets are safe at home… If you have a brain amoeba… Five hundred years ago, Michel de Montaigne said: “My life has been filled with terrible misfortune; most of which never happened.” When worry gets in your way For me, needless worry has definitely gotten in my way. Making the “right” decision on a minor purchase like a shirt. Worrying if people will be mad if I’m a few minutes late. And feeling overly anxious about characters in novels—imaginary thing ..read more
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Restful Insomnia
by Sondra Kornblatt
8M ago
My whole perspective changed with this new book, how to keep house while drowning. Cleaning, self-care, and cooking can be overwhelming, says author KC Davis… especially when we ascribe them as moral choices. “If you have been viewing care tasks as moral, it is likely you’ll either (a) never stop moving, feel anxious and overwhelmed, and are constantly exhausted or (b) lack motivation, feel paralyzed and overwhelmed, and are constantly exhausted. They are two sides of the same coin.” That coin is shame, which becomes the motivator when care tasks are moral (instead of functional ..read more
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You do not need to know what comes next
Restful Insomnia
by Sondra Kornblatt
11M ago
I wish I read more poetry. When I encounter beautiful word art someone has posted, I feel moved by a current to new ways of being. (I’m entertaining suggestions for beginning more poetry in my life, if you have any!) This one by Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer in Naked for Tea, held my worrywort self in a woven blanket of comfort. It reminds me that being as present as possible in a precarious world creates safety. I hope it soothes your nights and days as well. Note to Self Above the Paradox Valley You do not need to know what comes next. There is always another storm, and you canno ..read more
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