Ruth (fictitious name) had been unable to set boundaries with her 33-year-old daughter for decades, but her daughter simply wouldn’t agree to Ruth’s boundaries. Then Ruth realized she had the same problem with her mother and her husband. No matter how many times Ruth explained how hurt she’d been and what she needed, they wouldn’t accept her reasoning, explanations or cries of pain. It was as if they didn’t care how she felt or what she wanted. Those narcissists continued to control, bully and abuse her. They used her as their personal servant. Her job was to serve them and make them happy. He ..read more

Paula (fictitious name) realized she’d felt alone and lonely all her life. She’d been the designated scapegoat in her family. Her father had been verbally cruel and physically abusive all her life, even on his death bed. Her narcissistic mother had rejected her and allowed her siblings to do whatever they wanted to her. The siblings, narcissists themselves, had bullied and tormented her, blamed everything they did on her and convinced her that if she resisted, they’d punish her more. No matter what she did, she could never please them enough to get any caring, appreciation or respect for who s ..read more

Olive (fictitious name) thought she’d been a loving and devoted parent but her 38-year-old son told her differently. He was critical, sarcastic, mean, cruel and abusive. Any time he wanted something, he repeated all the times she’d disappointed him or hurt his feelings, all the deprivation and pain she’d caused him growing up, all the times she’d yelled at him. She knew there was no deprivation; actually, she’d given him everything. She was sorry she’d yelled at him, but he’d provoked her repeatedly with his complaints, demands and resistance to doing anything she wanted. Simply put; he was a ..read more

Nelly (fictitious name) thought she didn’t even know her 26-year-old son anymore; he was so different since he’d gotten married. In his senior year of college, he’d met a girl and within two months they’d gotten married. He said he couldn’t say, “No,” because she’d pursued him desperately and relentlessly; she loved him so much. Her mother had been very eager for them to get married. Her mom said she was sensitive and fragile, and he had to give her whatever she wanted. Nelly met her for the first time at their wedding, which was a fiasco for Nelly. The girl and her mother had arranged everyth ..read more

Mary (fictitious name) couldn’t believe her 33-year-old daughter’s lies and “false memories.” She accused Mary of abusing her when she was growing up, of being hyper-critical, of depriving her of birthday and Christmas presents, of never supporting her through high school and college. At first, Mary defended herself factually, reasonably and logically, kindly and compassionately. She showed her daughter pictures of parties and presents, and reminded her daughter of the times she bailed her daughter out of the trouble she’d gotten herself in, and of the time, effort and money she’d spent to get ..read more

Kari (fictitious name) was successful when facing difficult, bullying, narcissistic people in her business life but couldn’t stand up to her selfish, entitled, abusive, toxic adult son. After she’d divorced his alcoholic, bullying, selfish, abusive father she’d worked hard to prove that she could make it in life without him, to give her son everything he wanted. Her son had demanded and taken everything she’d sacrificed for but once he didn’t need her money, he attacked her cruelly and viciously. He cursed her when he was unhappy and because she ruined his life. Even though she’d given him eve ..read more

Janis (fictitious name) worried constantly about her grandchildren. Her daughter had turned against her and was brainwashing the three grandchildren, aged 4-9, to hate Janis. Despite all Janis had done for her daughter before and after her marriage and motherhood, her daughter had yanked the three grandchildren away from Janis. Unless Janis apologized for the thousandth time and did her daughter’s bidding every moment, Janis would never see the children again. Janis’ daughter had always been difficult and demanding. When she didn’t get what she wanted, she’d throw temper tantrums. She’d yell ..read more

Iris (fictitious name) was tired of being verbally abused by her 40-year-old son and especially tired of feeling guilty. He was negative, critical and bullying. He claimed she’d ruined his life; his problems and failures were all her fault. Nothing she ever said or did quenched his anger and, therefore, relieved her guilt. No apologies or gifts were ever enough. He told her, “You deserve whatever I want to do to you as long as you live.” He felt entitled to say or do anything he wanted to her. He could punish her in any way he wanted (verbally, emotionally, physically) and she was supposed to ..read more

Hanna (ficticious name) finally let herself accept the truth of what her toxic, narcissistic 34-year-old son told her. He’d been living a terrible life of his own choosing in another town for 13 years, texting or calling when he wanted money or to criticize, bully, abuse and rage at her. He called her the worst names she’d ever heard, and blamed all his self-inflicted problems on her. His life was ruined, and it was her fault for not giving him everything he needed and all the emotional support he demanded. Even though she knew she’d given him as much as she could, and had done everything she ..read more

In the previous post, [http://bulliesbegone.com/blog/2023/2/22/healing-scapegoats-of-narcissistic-parents-and-abusive-golden-children-part-1], I described Gena’s (fictitious name) life as scapegoat-fixer-enabler. She was bullied and abused by her toxic parents and narcissistic golden-child siblings. She grew up as the person designed to make everyone else happy, to fix their problems and to be blamed for everything. Even when she succeeded, she was always labeled selfish and not good enough. Of course, they claimed they loved her and they were only trying to help her see the truth about hersel ..read more