On Saturday, I was supposed to go to the library again to return the books and get new ones. But on the way there while on the train, my tiny heart said that it was closed that day, so I checked on Google and I found out that it was closed (the first Saturday of the month). The instinct was right. So I had to change my plan. I was contemplating whether I should go to find huge mahjong papers at the art store and a big brush to do painting exercises OR to go to KLIF which was held that weekend at GMBB. I was not mentally prepared to deal with the crowd, and it was a bit overwhelming to go the ..read more

  TMI but Important to Remember: I've been missing my period for almost 2 months (It was probably due to being underweight and stressed out and not eating much during Ramadhan). And so, I was trying my best, giving my whole effort in helping my body regulate all the imbalances that it was having these past few months.  I'm making an effort: Remember the crying week? (it was done, I cried, I let them out from the system). Then I went outside, I started walking, and in just a week, I walked for more than 40k steps, just to move, to manage the stress or whatever the things th ..read more

In trying to appear stronger than I am, I think I've been unconsciously pushing uncomfortable feelings aside, especially the ones that I don't have any power to change or control - you know, the hard lingering ones. And so, for that, the pain starts to leak out to my physical body, it starts from the back of my head, the neck, shoulder, yes, the honorable stiff muscles on my upper body. When it started to explore the upper part of my head, the familiar feeling of pre-migraine, I knew, I just knew that I was keeping something inside of me that needed to come out - my body was telling me, if I i ..read more

  The Reading Campaign There is a small campaign made by local libraries in Selangor that urges us to read for 10 minutes today, from 11 am to 11.10 am. I don't know what to feel when the campaign is to invite anyone/everyone to stop doing other things and just read anything for 10 minutes.  10 minutes? :F In school, if the teacher gives us a free slot to do anything we like, I would read, during recess, I would spend time in the library to choose which book to read next, after school, if I had to stay back for extra hours class, I would spend more time in the library before that ..read more

I cleaned up my book collection. In that process, I sold, donated, and gave away many books that I know I don't want to own anymore (they deserve to be read by others). So upon analyzing these books, I decided that it was time for me to actually read the books that I bought but kept for years because I was not in "the right mood". Tapi yelah, sapa nak baca buku classic lit waktu2 tengah serabut kan. So then, that is how I started to read both these books that I've had since forever on my Raya weekends: The Double by Fyodor Dostoyevsky, 1846 The White Castle by Orhan Pamuk, 1985 I was gl ..read more

Ever since the last stretch post, a lot of things happened to me. I am still processing the hiccups and turbulences, it was hard and confusing at times - that explained my hiatus. But most of the time, I was just too busy surviving the chapter. My brother asked me why I'm not updating anything - I couldn't, I am still processing. - ☾₊ ⊹ First Week of Raya Raya was triggering, as per usual. I was back at my mom's and it wasn't that great (because I couldn't avoid it this time, I had to go through it without any distractions). I think both my younger siblings can agree that this Raya was a bit ..read more

Note: I'm back from my Raya holiday quite early, so to end my hiatus I will finish up drafting this post and actually click the 'publish' button. Salam Aidilfitri ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⋆⁺₊⋆  Books I Consumed in March - April : The Days of Abandonment by Elena Ferrante - loved it. Would read more books by Elena Ferrante. My Husband by Maud Ventura - A French woman obsessing about her "ideal" husband and how to make their marriage more passionate even after 15 years together. It was annoyingly obsessive, would question where is the line between love and obsession. Strangers by Taichi Yamada - heyyy ..read more

Intense final week: I dreamed of my work last night, in my dream, I was managing which task to do first. Lining up all the tasks in their order and priority, thinking about how on earth to manage multiple tasks concurrently so I wouldn't be late to submit everything. Whole day working and I continued working even in my dream. But despite that, because it is week 8 of the training, I have managed my expectations and possibly my stress as well.  BUT, I might be in denial - maybe I am just not as hysterical as before, but the stress is still really high. Or else, I wouldn't be waking up la ..read more

  I'm continuing back this book: The Courage to be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga. I bought this book last year and have been trying to finish this up (but it is taking too long). The issue with this book is how it is written, the penyampaian of these philosophies - it is boring, well not as boring as reading a textbook, but boring enough. In this book, the philosopher is having a conversation with a youth, explaining the philosophical theories by Alfred Adler. No stories, just a really long conversation so it felt like ideas were being preached to me instead of reading a s ..read more

A couple more weeks to survive this crazy work phase (17 days to be exact) - of working full-time with 2 companies. At the same time, I managed to officially finish all my client work yesterday and that felt like a burden being lifted off my shoulder - a bit.  I slept through the night for the first time - last night.  - I work on weekdays and weekends, early morning until night time, which includes public holidays. None respected my time because apparently as a "freelancer" I made myself available all the time (because I always work odd hours to manage multiple projects, so I ju ..read more