Sleep
Enough for Now
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2y ago
People keep asking me if I am sleeping. I lie and tell them I am. Well, it's not really lying. I do sleep. Maybe not enough.  Every night I lie in bed and read until I nod off. My book (or Sam's kindle, or iPad) will fall onto my chest, and startle me into the realization that I am no longer reading but I am, in fact, sleeping. So I set the book (or device) aside, and burrow down under the covers next to my husband, and wait. Pretty much every night without fail my brain springs back to life, and the broken record of Sam's last hours, minutes, and moments begins.  I tell myself I d ..read more
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How to help the newly bereaved
Enough for Now
by
2y ago
The death of Superman Sam has had me thinking. Although my own Sam has only been gone 56 days, or maybe because he's only been gone 56 days, I feel like I can offer some advice to those that love and want to support the Sommer family. I don't have advice on what to say. I haven't figured that out yet. I do know that it does not help to talk about G-d's plan, heaven, angels, being in a better place, etc. There is nothing you can say that will make them feel better. There is nothing you can say that will make them feel better. Just be with them. Hold hands. Tell them you love them. Say his name ..read more
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Small plans and lowered expectations
Enough for Now
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2y ago
I've been sitting in this spot on the couch since 7am. It's almost 10:30am. It's Sunday, so if you're lucky enough to have a day off and have no plans, which occasionally happens to most of us, you could get away with this. This doing nothing. Thing is, I did the same thing yesterday. Yesterday I folded half of the clothes in a laundry basket that's been sitting here since Friday night. I'm still in pjs. I haven't brushed my teeth. I do have plans. They're not big. I keep them small on purpose-being gentle with myself: Finish folding the laundry, get dressed (no shower), brush my teeth, read ..read more
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Our Memorial Day
Enough for Now
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3y ago
May 29, 2013.  Four years ago today we sat in Dr. Brown’s office at Children’s Hospital of Los Angeles waiting for the results of the MRI scan.  Our “scanxiety”—as they call it—was high.  Three weeks prior Sam’s behavior had taken a subtle, but noticeable turn for the worse.   His balance was off, his focus was diminished, and there was an increased amount of “glazed eye” episodes—times he just wasn’t paying attention to us.  None of these things, of course, were normal for Sam.  He had been a healthy, energetic little sparkplug, and a highly attentive, focus ..read more
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Birthdays & Black Holes:
Enough for Now
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3y ago
Today our son Sam would have been 12.  When I originally sat down to write this blog I had plans to make it cheerful or at least upbeat—really.  After all, a birthday should be a celebration of life.  But the truth is…that’s really not where my heart is right now.   The struggle between how you’d like to think and feel—in contrast to the reality of how you think and feel having lost a child so young—is palpable.  Bereaved parents don’t want to be “Debbie Downers”; we don’t like feeling sad; but sometimes that’s just our own personal reality.  The “new normal” as ..read more
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Three Years
Enough for Now
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3y ago
Three years ago today our son Sam died.  He was eight years old.   Just 13 months prior to that he was diagnosed with a brain tumor out-of-the blue.  He had been a bright-eyed, energetic, loving and highly intelligent little boy.  After a brief but brutal fight he succumbed.  Cancer took his precious life. Over the course of those 13 months we saw Sam develop a tremor in his hand that bothered him both physically and emotionally.  We saw him gain nearly 50 pounds from steroids, lack of exercise and little else to do but eat.  We suffered along with him ..read more
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Diagnosis Day
Enough for Now
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3y ago
Today marks the 4-year anniversary of Sam’s diagnosis with brain cancer.  Just a little over four years ago, we were a happy family of five, and everything seemed nearly perfect in our little corner of the world.  Everyone was healthy, happy and had their entire lives to look forward to.  And then, in an instant, our lives changed—permanently.  Future Scholar We will never know what our Sammy could have grown up to be.  Instead of a world of possibilities Sabrina and I now have only a world of what might have been.  Cancer robs so much from the world w ..read more
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05 29 2013
Enough for Now
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3y ago
May 29.  The day before Memorial Day, the day we honor those who died while serving our country.  May 29, 2013 replays in my head over and over like a broken record.  Dr. Brown’s words drip on me like water torture.  “There’s nothing more we can do.”  How can that be?  Three weeks ago we talked about holding back radiation—our cannon—for when we need it.  What about now?  “It’s too late”.  Too late!?  “It’s growing too fast.  There’s a third tumor and it’s getting big.  Quickly.”  Boom. That was just five months and 9 days afte ..read more
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April 2, 2016
Enough for Now
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3y ago
Today, Sam would have turned 11 years old.  For those of you who might be reading this for the first time, Samuel Alexander Jeffers was born on 4/2/2005.  Suddenly, and out-of-the blue, on 9/20/2012 he was diagnosed with a brain tumor.  On 10/20/2013 he died. Certainly a lot of things happened in those intervening years between Sam’s birth and death:  some mundane; many truly spectacular, precious and cherished; and some ghastly and tragic.  April 2nd, 2009-Sam's 4th birthday. He asked for a cow. Sam should have had many, many more years to his timeline.&nbs ..read more
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October 20, 2015
Enough for Now
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3y ago
Two years ago today our Sam lost his battle with brain cancer.  Often it seems like it was just yesterday when we held his hand, hugged him, kissed him, whispered “I love you” over and over again softly in his ear.  We wanted Sam to know—desperately wanted him to know—how much we loved him, before he was gone.  Before it was too late.  It is of course trite to say “love them while they are here”.  We know that.  But it never really hits you with its full magnitude until you lose someone so special, and so very dear to you.  Someone that you fe ..read more
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