One part of me wanted to play around with the idea of giving up all diets.   Play around with the idea that my body could be trusted.  That I could be trusted.   But I believed I was wired wrong and always hungry…..and I had a lifetime of evidence that appeared to back that up   Maybe it was possible, though, that all of that came AFTER I was born rather than being INBORN as part of me.   How it came ‘after’ didn’t seem to exactly matter.   Years of psychoanalysis had proven interesting but not especially useful.   But the curious idea that  I…   ME ..read more

I can still remember the day that I realized an action cannot satisfy a thought.   It’s like I knew it intellectually but on this day it just really hit me deeply.   I was driving up Bulverde Rd coming back from Starbucks and boom. It hit me.   I was dealing at that time with recurring urge thoughts to go get breakfast tacos. No big deal except that it happened habitually every single morning and I began to suspect at that time it wasn’t really about the tacos. It was the habitual thought repeating itself over and over.   I thought to myself that I could go get a taco but w ..read more

I’ve never been the person that can go for a drive.   When I was married, I remember my ex husband always being that kind of person.   “Let’s go for a drive” he’d say to which I’d always reply…”To WHERE”   He liked going for drives.  To no where in particular. But not me.  I needed a destination.   I remember once in college a psych professor asked the question…   “What do you do when you’re stressed?”   And a student said “I love to just drive down the highway.  Just drive”   I never could relate.   If I’m going for a drive, I need a dest ..read more

I’ve been thinking lately about thoughts as they relate to food. Let me know what you see about it.   It occurs to me that no food ‘thought’ can ever really be satisfied with actual food because a thought is formless and food is form. So even if we have a thought of ice cream and we then eat ice cream…did we do anything really?   Sometimes it seems we have ‘answered’ the thought or ‘solved’ something because maybe we appear satisfied for a moment. Eventually however a new thought appears such as ‘more ice cream’ or maybe now another type of food. Maybe nothing for a time but eventual ..read more

I know we are all ‘bad asses’ in our own way . I mean you can’t tell me that going on a diet, losing weight, resisting temptation and killing it in the gym isn’t something to be proud of, right?   IT IS.   It takes massive amounts of willpower, work, effort. blood, sweat and tears!   I know.   I pushed myself to the absolute limits.  Through injury.  Through pouring down rain . I was going to fight for it.   And I did.   But MY POWER had limits   That is the reason we kick butt for awhile and then slip back down the slippery slope.  If you’re l ..read more

  I used to believe that the key to change was  in understanding the content of our thoughts and then managing that content.   Out of all the branches of psychology and self help, I always found Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to be by far the most helpful.    I learned many great tools and techniques.  Reframing thoughts.  Dismissing thoughts.  Exploring different cognitive distortions such as all or nothing thinking, jumping to conclusions and my personal fave ‘catastrophizing’!  It was by far the most helpful.  If you look back on my blog, I’ve ..read more

Hello Friends!  I hope you had a wonderful holiday but if the holidays were rough then just know you are not alone.  My mother passed away on New Years Eve several years ago but it still feels like yesterday at times.  I always think of those for whom holidays hold more sadness than happiness.   It can be very difficult and yet the way we experience those feelings and memories can grow and evolve over time.  I’m linking a piece I wrote back in 2012 about my mother passing away because it was every bit of raw emotion, guilt and deep sadness that I felt at the time.  ..read more

    I always hated when people would try to tell me ‘it’s all in your head’.  It almost sounds like that’s what I’m saying.  So to that I would say “yes but not the way THEY mean it”.  To be clear, when people who don’t struggle with food on the level that we do say “It’s all in your head” they mean something different.    When they say “I have the same issue.  It’s hard but I just don’t eat the cake”….with all due respect, they are WRONG.  They do NOT have the same issue.  If anyone for even one second could feel the overpowering urge to overe ..read more

Hello Friends!   I’ve often joked with my kids that I need to change the name of my blog from 300 Pounds Down to “300 Pounds Back Up” or “300 Pounds Up and Down and Up and Down…..(infinity symbol)”   The logo I had of a woman walking from a bigger body into a smaller body needed to be replaced with a woman on a loop I would say.  Instead of featuring her walking into her thinner self it would be a woman walking back and forth between the two bodies repeatedly because it seems that’s what my whole life has been!   I named my whole blog after a weight loss goal.  A numbe ..read more

  HEB brand Texas Pecan is my go-to coffee in the morning.  I always have others on hand but this is the main one I always grab.  Even though this is my fallback, I love to explore different kinds.  Whenever we go in Ross or TJ Maxx, they’ll always have coffee by the checkout . Some brand or flavor I’ve never heard of.   Once I found a spicy Mexican coffee there and it was absolutely delicious.  Every morning I couldn’t wait to drink it.  Texas Pecan?  Who are you?  I was completely enamored with my new found morning spice of life.  And then th ..read more