Honoring Tyre Nichols & Why People With Empathy May Never Understand Those Who Lack It
Lissa Rankin
by Nicolay Kreidler
1w ago
Once again, we are grieving the loss of yet another apparently innocent young Black man who is crying out for mercy and his mother. Even though parts of me think I should force myself to watch the video of the murder, my empath parts can’t stomach it and just feel helpless and powerless. I know watching the violence will not answer the question I would want it to answer- “Why? Why would five Black police officers murder one of their own? Why would they not stop when they realized they had gone too far? Where are their hearts? Where is their humanity? Where is the dignity for human life? If ..read more
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“Nervous System Privilege”- How To Navigate Reciprocity In Relationship When One Of You Is More Traumatized Than The Other
Lissa Rankin
by Karoline
1w ago
Over the course of my life, in my romantic partnerships and friendships and business partnerships, I have sometimes been the more traumatized person, tended to gently by someone less traumatized or further along in recovery and I have sometimes been the less traumatized one. I’ve been known to ask my elders how they tolerate me, when they seem so much further ahead of me in their own recovery journeys. And I’ve also heard from many clients and experienced it myself that it can be quite challenging when you’re trying to relate with someone with a heavier trauma burden than your own. When the ..read more
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The Racial Reckoning of 2020 Needs To Be More Than A Sometimes Holiday Remembering: A Dream On MLK Day
Lissa Rankin
by Nicolay Kreidler
3w ago
Today is Martin Luther King, Jr Day and the kids in California are off school. Today we remember one of our brave and imperfect Civil Rights heroes who had a dream that the ancestors of that generation are still fighting to fulfill. When George Floyd was murdered in front of all of our aghast and horrified eyes, I remember having some parts that were so angry that it took something so obviously brutal to actually make white people care about the injustice and oppression of BIPOC. Just like when police water gunned the children in their Civil Rights March in Selma, there are degrees of oppre ..read more
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Why We Need Our Trauma Stories Validated (When Abusers So Often Minimize, Deny & Gaslight)
Lissa Rankin
by Nicolay Kreidler
3w ago
Why We Need Our Trauma Stories Validated (When Abusers So Often Minimize, Deny & Gaslight) In spite of every pretzeling attempt his child self made to be obedient to abusive fundamentalist parents growing up, my partner Jeff’s family shunned him, making up a scapegoating story about his essential badness that left big scars on his good, good heart. No amount of protest or trying to set the story straight on his part worked. His family just didn’t believe someone so fundamentally bad could possibly become a doctor or a medical school professor at Harvard or the author of a bestselling boo ..read more
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How Jeffrey Rediger & I Are Choosing To Heal Together – A Love Story
Lissa Rankin
by Nicolay Kreidler
3w ago
Since I’m gearing up to teach the Memoir As Medicine class with Nancy Aronie, I wanted to take a moment to write you all a love story. It’s about my long term friend and now romantic partner, who you all may know from his work as the medical director of the inpatient psychiatric hospital at Harvard or for his divinity school studies at Princeton or for his bestselling book about spontaneous remission, CURED. But none of those accomplishments have anything to do with why this is a love story, other than how we met. Jeff (Jeffrey Rediger, MD, MDiv to be nerdy about all his academic degrees) a ..read more
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Why Your Memoir Is Worth Writing For Medicinal Purposes, Even If Nobody Else Reads It
Lissa Rankin
by Nicolay Kreidler
3w ago
I used to hate being asked “What do you do?” I learned that if I told people I was an OB/GYN, the next half hour would result in people telling me about how their vagina got ripped all the way open during childbirth or asking me for free medical advice. When people found out I was a doctor, they made up a lot of stories about me, some of them accurate, some of them not, about where I fit on the wealth, power, and privilege continuum or whether I should be admired or disdained. Their tone of voice would change as many people automatically assumed a “one down” submissive stance, as if they bot ..read more
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Why Memoir Writing Can Be Medicine & Some New Year’s Journal Prompts To Help You Reflect
Lissa Rankin
by Nicolay Kreidler
1M ago
I had known my current partner as a dear friend for two and a half years before he felt safe enough to tell me the real story under his polished, accomplished, “I’ve got it all going on” image. He drip-fed me the story of his trauma history via text while I was in Hawaii, stringing plumeria flowers into leis in preparation for a retreat I was teaching. Text by text, he wrote his story, unfolding the devastating tragedy of his young life, one paragraph at a time. All of this was a surprise to me. I had known him- I thought very intimately- for years by that point. But it turned out there was ..read more
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Honoring The Ten Year Anniversary Of Sandy Hook: Some Thoughts On Forgiveness & Accountability
Lissa Rankin
by Nicolay Kreidler
1M ago
Honoring The Ten Year Anniversary Of Sandy Hook: Some Thoughts On Forgiveness & Accountability Today is the 10-year anniversary of the Sandy Hook shooting. It’s also the 8-year anniversary of when I met Scarlett Lewis, whose 6 year old son Jesse would have been 16 now had he not been gunned down in that school massacre. I have been thinking of Scarlett and her family a lot as I write a manuscript about spirituality without spiritual bypassing and consider how we might both forgive those who destroy the lives of others, while also holding them to account when that’s possible.   Sc ..read more
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10 Red Flags Signaling That Your Healer, Therapist, Spiritual Teacher, Psychedelic Guide, Or Coach May Be Untrustworthy
Lissa Rankin
by Nicolay Kreidler
3M ago
10 Red Flags Signaling That Your Healer, Therapist, Spiritual Teacher, Psychedelic Guide, Or Coach May Be Untrustworthy We’d all like to believe that someone we entrust with helping us heal when we’re vulnerable can safely protect our tender hearts, confused minds, and beautiful bodies. Yet sadly, some of the most traumatized and unapologetically ruthless people hang up a shingle and call themselves a spiritual teacher, therapist, shaman, psychedelic guide, lightworker, or life coach. The red flags can be easy to spot, once you know what you’re looking for, but as my wise sage daughter said ..read more
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Interrupting The Irresistible Appeal Of The Seductive Narcissist
Lissa Rankin
by Nicolay Kreidler
4M ago
*Art by Jennifer Bruce Interrupting The Irresistible Appeal Of The Seductive Narcissist People love to hate on the narcissists, and no wonder. It can feel like whiplash if we override all the warning signs and red flags and jump headfirst into those relationships, only to watch the love bombing flip on a dime to abuse and exploitation, leaving our heads spinning and our hearts feeling blindsided and crushed. It’s no wonder there are hundreds of books about how to spot narcissists and how to read the red flags of sociopathy so we can get out before the worst of the abuse leaves us at rock ..read more
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