
The Secret Foster Carer's Blog
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We support our foster carers giving them the tools needed to help young people achieve their full potential and go on to live happy and healthy adult lives.
The Secret Foster Carer's Blog
1w ago
Mealtimes can be complicated in fostering. Food in every form is SO important to every foster child I've ever had. I can't overstate how valuable a piece of kit that food can be in the foster parents' toolbox.
Nobody enjoys feeling hungry, and it seems that most- if not all - children who come into care have suffered all sorts of deprivations in the food department.
Back in the day when I started fostering, the business of providing the family with food was a simple. Breakfast; cereal or toast. School lunchbox; a peanut butter sandwich, a piece of fruit, ready salted crisps. There were n ..read more
The Secret Foster Carer's Blog
2w ago
I'm fresh from a Blue Sky support meeting, where foster carers show up for a chat about how things are going.
Whether the frequest get-togethers are face-to-face or virtual is neither here nor there, it's brilliant to get a peek into other carers worlds.
Every foster child is unique.
Come to that, every foster parent is unique too.
You get stay-at-home mums whose children have left home, ex-squaddies, an architect, a cleaning person.
Plus you get a range of feelings about fostering; the newish carers who are often simply getting used to fostering, and fostering does take a bit of g ..read more
The Secret Foster Carer's Blog
2w ago
I've been fostering a transitioning child for several months now, she's becoming female having been identified at birth as male.
Her new name is Alicia.
Alicia has a couple of friends at her school who are on the same journey as her, and they spend time together. She tells me she and her friends are also included in other friendship groups, and that none of the pupils give them any trouble.
Kids today seem wonderfully cool about the whole thing.
No, it's some of the adults they have to deal with who often upset them.
There's one lady who works behind the counter in the convenience store ..read more
The Secret Foster Carer's Blog
3w ago
A neighbour and I got chatting in the street a couple of days ago.
She lives several doors down from me, I've said "Good morning" to her for years, without getting to know her, so it came as a surprise to her as we chatted for her to discover that I fostered.
It reminded me how seldom I raise the subject in conversation.
I noticed her mind working. Sometimes people change the subject instantly, hoping to steer the conversation away from fostering rather than risk feeling that they ought to think about doing it themselves.
This lady asked;
"In fostering, do you get any sa ..read more
The Secret Foster Carer's Blog
1M ago
Children coming into care have often had to teach themselves self-preservation.
I'll tell you about a dear, sad child we looked after, in a moment.
They often have had to learn to get by without enough love, support and care. Sometimes without even adequate food and drink.
We once took in a child who, aged five, had been left alone in the house all day with only a dog for company. The child had been told to put down a bowl of dog food around midday. The child was so hungy she routinely ate some of the dog food. True.
Now, when I say "self-preservation" I'm mainly thinking about the skill ..read more
The Secret Foster Carer's Blog
1M ago
I went to a Blue Sky Christmas dinner and found myslef sitting with a delightful couple. Came into the conversation that they were Muslim. I asked them what Christmas was for them and they replied with a gentle smile "Well, no disrespect, for us this year it's just another Thursday." Then they added; "Unless we are caring for a child who needs to celebrate Christmas."
Our current eldest foster child needs and deserves extra love and care over Christmas. I'm unable to elaborate why, their privacy paramount, suffice to say they find the Winter holiday a massive challenge.
Most children in ..read more
The Secret Foster Carer's Blog
1M ago
Lots of people ponder about becoming foster carers, and many, so I understand, end up browsing the Secret Foster Carer to get a bead on what it's like.
Fostering is hard work in many respects, but also one of the best things anyone can do in life.
It's up to you if that's a good deal.
It's definitely a good deal for the child/children you'll help along the way, and that's a big part of the good side of the deal.
Other people can be a bit strange when you tell them you foster. I suspect they're people who are wierdly embarrassed that they aren't doing anything to make the world a better p ..read more
The Secret Foster Carer's Blog
2M ago
Every day is a new day in fostering.
Everyone in fostering knows this.
It's not the big things, which can come along like unexpected hurricanes.
It's the little things, behind which sometimes lurk big things.
Take middle child, and yesterday.
Child had endured the school Nativity Play.
Child didn't have a part, but as the parent one shows up out of willing.
I've attended roughly every Nativity Play for every child in my care, starting as natural parent through to this year.
Jeez, I must be up there with the Guiness Book Of Records greatest number of school Nativity Plays ever seen ..read more
The Secret Foster Carer's Blog
2M ago
Our next door neighbour has passed away.
Ann was late eighties, and had been unwell for some time. Her passing was peaceful, her family at her bedside.
I popped round next day and offered our condolences, which was much appreciated. Her husband was weepy, but said how much he loved her. Then he said this;
"I'm ninety and I've got this far without ever seeing anyone die, and now I have, and it would have to be her wouldn't it?"
On returning I mentioned what he'd said and the children's ears pricked up.
Naturally they wanted all the details. I had precious little extra information, bu ..read more
The Secret Foster Carer's Blog
2M ago
Foster parents get asked;
How do I get into fostering?
What sort of person volunteers?
I can only speak on behalf of me and the many fostering folk I've met in my time.
We meet at training sessions, support meetings, supervision events, coffee mornings, social things, anniversary do's. Christmas dinners.
Sometimes, when chatting you find yourself asking other carers; "What did you do before fostering?"
It's not a question I like to ask or be asked, because there's so much more to people than their jobs.
But it occurs to me that potential carers might find my story helps them pick up the ..read more