My Fellowship report is complete.  There's a lot to unpack in terms of what I've learnt and one thing that strikes at the heart of what many families live with is how do we access support, that that support even looks like and for how long? An example of this could be adoptive families in crisis, as a little experiment I asked a couple of closed FB groups what was the influence of children's challenging and violent behaviour on the level of challenge that they experienced. O being not at all and 10 being the overwhelming influence.  You'll not be surprised to hear that of 50 respon ..read more

Well, it feels like quite a moment, I've drawn a line in the proverbial sand and there'll be no more interviews for my Fellowship research. I say that but if I get made an offer I can't refuse I won't. I will not miss the late nights and early mornings for sure.  It would seem like an appropriate moment to steal the words of Churchill himself: 'This is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning'  Now its seems like a very different but very real work is set before me as I draw out from the many interviews the cle ..read more

"Oh, you need to speak to someone I know in................." Now I've started speaking to people for real I feel like Alice in Wonderland disappearing down the rabbit hole, in a good way of course.  When all us Fellows met in July we were told of the serendipity that often occurred when meeting people who would then open the door to someone who would be able to open another and so on.  Well, it's clear that doing the Fellowship online puts that serendipity on steroids. Over the last 10 days I've spoken to the US thrice, Canada once, been pointed back to Ireland, hopped over to N ..read more

  Safeguarding Families In Adoption Online Conference 24th Sept 9:30 to 1pm Involvement with safeguarding systems is difficult for all families and can often be stressful upsetting and incredibly challenging. Of course, we need systems to keep children safe but many adoptive (and Foster, SGO and Kinship) families find that children who have lived thought early adversity, are incredibly vulnerable and have been through the Looked after System can often be drawn back into safeguarding processes. Services can struggle to manage the complexity and many families feel that the system need to be ..read more

So, rubber is hitting the road and my first interview is arranged! Oh, it was all fun and games now it seems really real.  I'm in a Churchill Fellowship WhatsApp group and one Fellow has already left the country, it's like a stage version of the Whacky Races.   Anyway, there seems to be a lot of preparation that needs to be done. Mainly getting a clear consent form drafted up and watertight. You'd think after nearly 500 episodes of the Fostering & Adoption Podcast I'd have one in place but we've done it all on a spit and a handshake so far and there's only been one wobble and tha ..read more

So, what on earth does that mean?  For several years I’ve bumped into ‘Churchill Fellows’ in different places here and there and the short answer is that the Fellowship is:         “to connect to leading experts internationally in a fellow’s field of interest, to gain insights and knowledge and to then use that to drive positive change in the UK.”   Simple, or so it seems!?   Born from my families experience and all of the learning, studying, research etc. I’m quite comfortable with the notion that helping families/parents/carers to support and manage ..read more

She dug him in the ribs with her elbow and he gave her the side eye.  I ignored them, though it was clear across the room other couples were giving each other knowing, withering, disapproving, ‘see I told you that you were wrong’ looks.    I’d been explaining, so one parent looks at the other and thinks:  ‘They’re far to soft on our kid, how are they going to function in the real world, I’ll tighten up some boundaries, rules and expectations to get the kid back on track.’   The other parent looks back and thinks: ‘They’re like a camp commandant, I’ll cut the kid a ..read more

Sitting with parents of children with challenging, violent and aggressive behaviour this week was an absolute pleasure in the worst sense of the word.  I wish we did not have to be there, but we were and we made the most of it.   It’s an easy group to facilitate, in that people just talk to one another and that is often enough. We supply the coffee, biscuits and a roof over their heads.  We don't need to begin because immediately people relax and start to talk to one another and genuine and warm connection happens.  The moment of eye contact and the ..read more

The desire to be heard seems fundamental to who we are. In the book 'Sapiens' Yuval Harari explains that the telling of stories defines us and sets us apart from all other animals. It allows connection and helps us organise and co operate.  It's clear to me for that to be true then our stories need to be heard, we need to be heard, we need to be able to tell our stories.  Scrolling and occasionally doomscrolling through the various social media feeds I’m connected into and the need to be heard and to be listened to bounces off the screen. So many of those that post articula ..read more

 This was originally posted by Mumdrah nearly 10 years ago, it remains heartbreakingly prescient. I've reposted with permission but also with a request.  If you've cared for and parented children with additional needs, complex beginning and more then the idea that you become lost in that is too familiar. Mumdrah is a solo carer and looking for a little help you can see her just giving page here.  I remember it like it was yesterday.  Clear and distinct in my mind. My social worker during my prep phase sat on the brand new sofa that had arrived and said “And what happens ..read more