Roll the Dice..........Who will come?
Misadventures of an Adoptive Dad
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9M ago
Childhood Challenging Violent and Aggressive Behaviour is complex, it's emotive, its scary. It's challenging for professionals to walk into a home and unpick the murky soup of trauma, behaviour, biology, history, family etc.  It seems like a little overstatement but picking up the phone to ask for help can be one of the hardest things we do as a family. Beyond the usual barriers, shame, guilt and embarrassment, the uncertainty of what the response will be can strike absolute terror into the heart of any parent or carer.  This picking up the phone and 'rolling the dice'  ..read more
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System Literacy
Misadventures of an Adoptive Dad
by
1y ago
I'm being chased by a metaphoric and actual storm. On my bike heading to the station to catch a train a day early as LNER have informed me it's all gonna go 'Pete Tong' due to storm Eunice.  The phone rings, I pull up and take the call.  It's early help, the duty social worker is calling back after we called the duty team to ask them if the duty social worker that came out to see us after the allocated social worker had been unavailable after they'd not come out for two weeks after they had promised cos a thing had happened to them, anyway this duty worker has spoken to that duty wor ..read more
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Adoptee Representation
Misadventures of an Adoptive Dad
by
1y ago
In most every way it's obvious, any group that has a significant life altering legislative and policy framework dedicated to them which has lifelong fundamental implications for them and their dependents and forebears should have some influence over it.  Well, apparently it's not so obvious.  Adoptee representation within the system has been missing, of course there's individuals that have worked within the system and brought personal experience and perspective to bear but rarely do we see systemic representation of adoptees in policy context.  We do get 'adoptee of the month' i ..read more
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First day at a new school for a fostered or adopted kid - A guest post by Phil Watson
Misadventures of an Adoptive Dad
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1y ago
Kindly re posted from Phil Watson's blog which you can view here- Fostering & Adopting with Phil “I’m not going”. My wife and I were not surprised that The Little Man didn’t want to go to a new school. Anything new, anything different, anything out of the ordinary set his ‘survival brain’ into overdrive. We’d learnt his preferred response to ‘anything new’ if he was in public was ‘to freeze’ or ‘to flop’. If a stranger spoke to him, for example in a shop, he’d simply stare until they went away. It’s quite effective, even if it appears a bit rude. If the stranger continued to probe, he’d pu ..read more
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Absolutely
Misadventures of an Adoptive Dad
by
1y ago
As the parent of six children who have traversed the care system, tracking unique paths to it and through it  I feel like I can speak with a level of confidence in relation to a few things.  I'm not an expert by experience and don't pretend to be but I can speak as a witness to what I've seen.  There's few certainties when I consider my children's early lives and them now, the correlation between early adversity and trauma, short, medium and long term effects is frankly really complicated. There are few straight lines between cause and effect but I can talk about risk and the ..read more
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A difficult conversation
Misadventures of an Adoptive Dad
by
1y ago
I recall a friend sharing the difficult experiences they were facing with their child who's behaviour was increasingly difficult. The police and social services were involved and moments of parental self defence and defence of younger children had slid into allegations against a parent. Thats a well worn narrative with issues of perception, language and recall often being at the centre of many allegations within adoptive and SEN families.   I raise this story because it highlights the impact of adverse parenting and parenting in adversity on adults. My friend shared with an inves ..read more
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#YouCanAdopt: a Reflection on Slogans
Misadventures of an Adoptive Dad
by
1y ago
A guest post by Andrew Taylor-Dawson You can read more of his writings on his blog here The realities of adoption can’t be boiled down to a simple marketing slogan Recruiting adopters is essential, but this must be balanced with more and better support for families and a serious focus on life story.  At a time when there seems to be more stories in the mainstream press about adoption than ever, it’s worth reflecting on where we are and where we seem to be going. For me, the #YouCanAdopt recruitment drive gives a candy-coated partial view of adoption. As I’ve said before, ‘you can’ adopt ..read more
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Stock Photos and Hills to Die On.
Misadventures of an Adoptive Dad
by
1y ago
To start with I'm very happy to see the upward number of professionals, practitioners and organisations that are raising the profile of children's violence to their parents and carers. That's good but I fear my inner pedant is struggling. It's perhaps petty or pick but I just feel really uncomfortable with the use of stock photos of angry children to illustrate or advertise some training or event.  Yes, that really is the hill I'm prepared to die on.  It's been winding me up for years! I've privately messaged organisation and laid out my rationale. The pictures of 'angry' teenagers o ..read more
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Adoption, recruitment, media messages and that #
Misadventures of an Adoptive Dad
by
1y ago
‘Nearly half of the 2030 children currently waiting to find adoptive families are in sibling groups. On average, children who are in a sibling group wait 135 days longer to be placed than individual children.’ I've seen this written all over social media in the last few weeks in sponsored blogs and media clickbait. I get a strange feeling between righteous indignation and world weary resignation and consequently I’ve been keeping my proverbial social media head down. I don't want to have yet another tit for tat exchange where I try to add nuance to a determinedly un nuanced ..read more
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Awareness.........So what? Childhood Challenging Violent and Aggressive Behaviour next steps.
Misadventures of an Adoptive Dad
by
1y ago
I posted on my Facebook page recently: "Children’s violent and aggressive behaviour in the home towards the adults and families that love them remains defiantly illusive to simple reductive descriptions (CPA, CPVA, APVA, CCVAB, APV).  The risks for the behaviour are found at the intersection of children's life experience, biology and the systems the children inhabit and are influenced by (Family, parents, school, community). Regardless, as children they are vulnerable but this does not reduce the impact of the behaviour on adults and families and the potential to make those families vul ..read more
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