Play back surveillance footage of the Glendale Americana parking garage circa 2009-2015 and you’ll have to scroll past hours of me stuffing cream puffs into my mouth before you’ll catch a glimpse of any perp. Ah youth, when I made the front seat of my car my dining room instead of ordering dessertS and eating them all indoors at a proper table like a proper gentlelady. But Beard Papa’s is just that good – it doesn’t make it out of the car. Always freshly baked with customizable cream piped on the spot, it is rare that any portion of a puff makes it home. How could it even get any better? I’ll ..read more

Loaf and lounge all you want, but do not sleep on this new lil cafe in Avondale. I know Loaf Lounge all about the bread (and so am I: the marbled rye and caramelized onion are chef’s kiss), but the not-bread desserts are oooooh so good and worth seeking out. Exhibit A: THE chocolate cake – made instantly famous thanks to The Bear. This is like if Portillo’s cake was denser, richer, less cloyingly sweet….basically less of an “add mayo to box mix” cake and more of a “let’s make the most legit chocolate cake possible” cake. I would wake up early from a nap to eat this cake. Exhibit B: the CHOCOL ..read more

Fulton market. Let’s talk. What a clusterfuck shit show. Not to sound too grandma, BUT back in MY day it was a bunch of hot dog product warehouse buildings just beginning to host the occasional edgy art opening where it was still sketch to walk back to your car after load out. Now it’s a disorienting 24/7 Uber surge construction zone with a Disneyesque façade of industrial chic. I’m not charmed. Be that as it may, let me let you in on a secret/not so secret respite smack in the middle of all this gourmetathleisurewearcorporate hood. Good Ambler. High ceilings, room to breathe, comfy seating ..read more

“Ok, ok, let me pitch you a surefire, lucrative business plan: Maybe let’s open a tiny cafe tucked away on the second floor of a hectic outdoor mall area and we’ll only serve desserts made with mango and also some drinks. We will be rolling in the dough as long as customers can find us and also they happen to like mango!” Sounds brilliant. Open 30 locations. Take all my money. What??! And yet, that is exactly what Mango Mango Dessert did, and it worked, and it was comfortably crowded with mango lovers, and I gave them all my money ($32.18). To be fair, they DO have some menu items without man ..read more

HEADLINE: CHOCO TACO IS DISCONTINUED What am I expected to get from the ice cream man now? A weeping zombie Sponge Bob? A dreamsicle AKA nightmaresicle? We can only hope that Klondike is pulling some Twinkies-circa-2013 bullshit here, but alas one cannot be too careful or carefree when it comes to something this serious. The future may be uncertain, and a “Historic Choco Taco” may currently be selling on eBay for $6,942, but fear not because (Chicago at least) I got you. First option: a taco of gargantuan proportions from Lonesome Rose. Horchata soft serve, peanut pretzel crumble, chocolate d ..read more

The following statements were made by actual people, not paid actors: “This is the best chocolate doughdough I’ve ever had in my whole entire life.” “This is the best apple fritter I’ve had.” Facts. Both facts. Old Fashioned Doughnuts’ apple fritter rivals that of Randy’s, and I witnessed the raised donut getting fried, getting glazed, getting put into my box. It may have truly been the freshest donut I’ve ever eaten! Rounding out our assortment was a custard filled, sugar dusted, heavenly puff. We only got one because there was only one left to be gotten, and, well, that makes sense ..read more

Possibly the perfect treat for a gemologist with a sweet tooth/a dessert glutton who loves rocks: a little jewelry box filled with edible gems. Misaky Tokyo candies seem as if they are pulled straight from the pages of a Chirri Chirra book. Though not confirmed, I’d be willing to bet the following was accidentally omitted from “Under the Sea”: —- Dring-dring, dring-dring! Chirri and Chirra see a shimmering cave up ahead. It is filled with crystals of all shapes and colors. They nestle into oyster beds and a smiling starfish says, “Please, choose the gem that suits you best!” Chirri chooses a ..read more

Never would I have thought I’d be scarfing beans in a parking lot for Pie Day, but here I am. Specifically in the parking lot of Southtown Health Foods, and specifically Imani’s Original bean pie. Yes, you read that right: I’m having bean pie for Pie Day and it’s so good I couldn’t wait the 3 min drive home to eat it. Imagine a spiced lighter version of sweet potato pie, and that’s what we’re working with here. Ingredient #1: navy beans! This personal size pie is great with a cup of coffee or tea, as breakfast or dessert, or eaten simply by itself surrounded by parked cars and shopping carts ..read more

Sometimes it’s messier to have manners. Case in point: trying to eat a lemon fluff cupcake in your car sans fork/plate. Sure it would be nice of you to share the cupcake with your 3yr old co-pilot, and sure it might be “more polite” to take several small bites, but really either of those avenues is just going to lead to a frosting facial for everyone involved. And so it is prudent to turn a regular sized cupcake into a two-bite affair. Wolf’s Bakery: serving up butter cookies, coffee cakes, paczki, etc since 1939, and now serving me moments of zen spa treatments in the form of lemon chiffon w ..read more

We all knew those people who would get Pop-Tarts out of a vending machine and eat them cold. I am not those people. I am those people who seek out 100% handmade artisan pastries and eat them for breakfast. Enter Hardbitten Pop-Tarts. Sold at various cafes around Chicago, including Foxtrot Market, either cold or quick warmed up in an oven works for me! Homemade compotes, curds, dulce de leche wrapped in flaky NOT CARDBOARDY pastry, drizzled with the 80’s frosting sprinkle art of your dreams. Rotating flavors like traditional cherry or mixed berry or Nutella raspberry or caramel apple or carrot ..read more