Financial Advisor Reminds New Parents It's Never Too Early To Start Saving Up Money For Legos
The Babylon Bee
by Babylon Bee
5h ago
U.S. — Parents across the nation are diverting funds typically allocated for college savings into a new, equally demanding investment: Legos. Top advisors are urging expecting parents to prioritize saving for Legos as soon as possible, assuring them that it's never too late or too early to start ..read more
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Absolute Psychopath Lets Microwave Count Down All The Way To Zero
The Babylon Bee
by Babylon Bee
6h ago
CRAIGSVILLE, VA — According to sources, a local man has cooked his food in a microwave and allowed the timer to count all the way down to zero. Locals reported being disturbed by this clearly psychopathic behavior ..read more
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In Bonding Moment, Father Teaches Son How To Call Handyman To Fix Faucet
The Babylon Bee
by Babylon Bee
6h ago
MADISON, WI — Another stitch in the fabric of a local family's tradition was created this week, as a father bonded with his son by teaching him how to call a handyman to fix the faucet ..read more
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New All-Female 'Pirates Of The Caribbean' Movie Just Two Hours Of Boats Backing Into Rocks
The Babylon Bee
by Babylon Bee
8h ago
LOS ANGELES, CA — A reboot of the popular Pirates of the Caribbean film franchise will feature an all-female cast backing into rocks for two hours, says Disney ..read more
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Aides Wake Biden To Play That Fun 'President' Game Again
The Babylon Bee
by Babylon Bee
9h ago
WASHINGTON, D.C. — A team of White House aides awoke Joe Biden from his slumber Thursday and reportedly encouraged him to play that fun "president" game again ..read more
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MLB Votes To Add Hip-Drop Tackles To Liven Up The Sport
The Babylon Bee
by Babylon Bee
10h ago
U.S. — On the heels of news that the National Football League had instituted new rules regarding physicality in an effort to promote player safety, Major League Baseball voted to add hip-drop tackles to liven up the sport ..read more
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Dad Lands Dream Job At Brewery Coming Up With Puns For Naming Beers
The Babylon Bee
by Babylon Bee
12h ago
AUSTIN, TX — Local dad Mark Carson landed his dream job this week at a brewery coming up with clever names for new beers ..read more
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In Last Ditch Attempt To Save Job, Ronna McDaniel Gets Lesbian Haircut
The Babylon Bee
by Babylon Bee
1d ago
NEW YORK, NY — NBC's termination of its newly hired political analyst was put on hold today as, in a last-ditch attempt to save her job, Ronna McDaniel got a super lesbian haircut ..read more
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DeSantis Kicked Out Of Republican Party For Accomplishing Too Many Things
The Babylon Bee
by Babylon Bee
1d ago
TALLAHASSEE, FL — The political landscape was rocked to its core today, with reverberations sure to be felt for several years, as Governor Ron DeSantis was kicked out of the Republican Party for accomplishing too many things ..read more
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Not To Be Outdone By Trump, Biden Releases Own Version Of The Quran
The Babylon Bee
by Babylon Bee
1d ago
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Not to be outdone by Trump releasing the "God Bless The USA" Bible, President Biden announced today the production of his very own "Allahu Joe Biden" edition of the Quran ..read more
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