My girlfriend got a shitty haircut and she’s crying. I don’t know what she’s crying about, I’m the one that has to get a new girlfriend. #joke #short Read more on page https://jokesoftheday.net ..read more

Instructor: You would be a good dancer except for two things. Student: What are the two things? Instructor: Your feet. #joke #short Read more on page https://jokesoftheday.net ..read more

Glasgow boys Archie and Jock were sitting in the pub discussing Jock’s forthcoming wedding. ‘Aye, it’s all going like magic,’ said Jock. ‘I've got everything organized already: the flowers, the church, the cars, the reception, the rings, the minister, even ma stag night.’ Archie nodded approvingly. ‘Hell, I've even bought a kilt to be married in!’ continued Jock. ‘A kilt?’ exclaimed Archie. ‘That’s grand, you'll look pure smart in that! And what’s the tartan?” ‘Ach,’ said Jock, ‘I imagine she’ll be in white #joke #wedding Read more on page https://jokesoftheday.net ..read more

I was once served French pancakes in a haunted house… They gave me the crepes! Dentist: "That's the biggest cavity I've ever seen. That's the biggest cavity I've ever seen." Patient: "I heard you the first time. You didn't have to say it twice." Dentist: "I didn't. That was my echo." I got fired from Pepsi after working there for 20 years. I tested positive for coke. Dung beetle walks into a bar.... "Is this stool taken?" What do you call a man with a toe on his knee? Tony. It's ironic how funeral directors have raised the price of funerals. And blamed it on cost of living. Save money when buy ..read more

Question: What do you get when you mix vodka, orange juice, and milk of magnesia? Answer: A Phillips' screwdriver. #joke #short #fruit #orange #drinks #milk #juice #vodka Read more on page https://jokesoftheday.net ..read more

A man running late for his once in a lifetime dream job interview is frantically trying to find a parking spot in a packed lot... Time is not on his side, and he starts to panic. In his last ditch attempt, he turns to the skies, and begs: “God, please, help me out here. I’ll do anything… I’ll quit smoking. I’ll stop drinking. I’ll donate money to charity.” As soon as he finishes his plea, the skies open up, and the bright light shines on to an empty parking space. The man holds up his hand, and goes: “Never mind, I found one”. #joke Read more on page https://jokesoftheday.net ..read more

A man jumps the fence into a tiger enclosure, saying God would protect him. He is quickly eaten and finds himself at the pearly gates before God. "Why did you not protect me from the tigers?" the man asks. "I tried to," God replies. "What did you think the fence was for?" #joke #short #animal #tiger Read more on page https://jokesoftheday.net ..read more

The person sitting next to me on a flight was a woman. Ever the charmer, I used one of my pick-up lines on her. I asked, “Does the airline charge you extra for sitting next to good-looking men?” “Yes,” she replied, “but I wasn’t willing to pay.” #joke #short Read more on page https://jokesoftheday.net ..read more

The plumber assesses the situation and says, "I can fix it today for $800." The lawyer, surprised, asks, "How long will it take?" The plumber replies, "I'll need about an hour to get a part from the supply house and another hour to do the repair." The lawyer, smirking, says, "Two hours for $800? That's $400 per hour! I'm a lawyer, and I charge $350 per hour!" The plumber nods and says, "Yes, I understand. That's why I left my law practice." #joke #lawyer Read more on page https://jokesoftheday.net ..read more

George Phillips, an elderly man from Walled Lake, Michigan, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turnoff the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things. He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" He said "No," but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me ." Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy, you should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available" George sa ..read more