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In a devastating story emerging from San Francisco, CA, 24-year-old Tiara Wilkins just deleted TikTok from her phone for the sake of her mental health, but now she has, like, nothing left to talk about.    “I was spending hours on TikTok every day,” Tiara told reporters gathered at the scene. “And it was starting to take a toll on my mood and wellbeing. I knew I had to delete it, but I didn’t realize how much space TikTok videos and trends take up in my conversational lexicon. I have nothing left.”   Tiara realized this was a problem when her friend asked what she’d been up to ..read more

While some individuals maintain the same favorite movie over countless years, others, like 27-year-old Monica Lawton, claim their favorite movie is whichever one they just saw.   Wow! How open-minded!   “I don’t know how some people never have a new favorite movie,” Monica told reporters. “Whenever I watch a movie…that’s my new favorite movie. Maybe I just have a short memory or something, but walking out of the theater, having just chilled for an hour and a half and consumed a large popcorn and slushy, it’s like…yeah, that’s the best thing I’ve ever seen.”   Makes sense!   ..read more

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Long-assumed to be a fruitless endeavor, joining a conversation without bringing up your cats has left cat-owners everywhere sidelined for years. But no more! Recent sociological breakthroughs have now made it possible to jump into the conversation without bringing up that cute thing your feline companion did the other day. Just follow these simple steps, and you’ll be engaging in cat-free small talk in no time, for better or worse!   Ask questions. If you can’t talk about what you want to talk about – your beloved cats – then ask questions about what other people are talking about! It’s ..read more

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In uplifting news coming out of Brooklyn, NY, Alissa Norman has finally quit vaping by only smoking cigarettes instead.   Way to go, Alissa!   “I always knew that vaping was bad for me, but quitting is obviously easier said than done,” she told reporters. “Plus, the jury is still out on exactly how bad the long-term effects of vaping are, but it obviously doesn’t look good. However, last month, I finally got the courage to throw away my puff bar, and I’ve never looked back! Now I just smoke cigarettes, which is great because I know exactly how they will negatively affect my health in ..read more

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