While 27-year-old Kayla Thompson says she had every intention of working out after work today, her plans went wildly awry when she made one critical error: sitting down on her couch.   “I thought it was only going to be for a second,” Kayla told reporters, while curled in the fetal position on her sectional. “I had just commuted for an hour and my legs were tired. Little did I know that once I sat down, it would be impossible for me to get myself to stand back up, let alone workout.”   Sources say Kayla should have seen this coming, as she has committed this same misstep approximatel ..read more

In a story that will certainly inspire others to dream far beyond their abilities, 23-year-old James Lockett, who just confidently said he “can’t stand small talk” while on a date with you, thinks he can handle a threesome.    Aww! Adorable!   Sources confirm when you arrived on the date and asked James how his day went, he shook his head dramatically and replied, “I just can’t stand that small talk stuff. I find it really hard to connect with people that way.” He then asked you if “you’re prepared for your parents to die,” which was objectively much worse than any small talk yo ..read more

Unfortunately, there comes a time in everyone’s life when they reflect on their flawed past decisions. For me, I reconciled my mistakes when it was too hot to install my air conditioner in my window, even though I had a solid three months when it would have been reasonable to do so.   It was simply too hot to put my A/C in, and it also happened to be too late.   Just yesterday, the temperature outside got up to 90 degrees Fahrenheit, and while I knew this was going to happen because I checked the Weather app every day last week, the thought of lugging my A/C unit up from the basement ..read more

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Gorpcore, a style inspired by tactical outdoor clothing associated with hiking and camping, has been one of the fastest growing trends of the last year. Los Angeles, CA resident Rickie Taylorson is one of the most loyal subscribers of the new trend, despite the fact that she hates hiking, or even going outside in general.   How beautifully full of contradictions!   When asked about what the popular fashion style means to her, Rickie told reporters that her obsession with gorpcore is primarily due to its aesthetics.   “Gorpcore is all about looking like you love the outdoors, eve ..read more

Dating in your forties can be tough. I’ve tried meeting men through friends, by going to bars, and trying just about every app you can think of. Still, I haven’t found anyone who I could imagine fitting into the life that I’ve curated for myself – which is why I decided to make a change. I stopped using dating apps and started dating my daughter’s childhood celebrity crushes, and I’m never looking back!   The idea dawned on me when I got stuck doing the most boring thing possible: going to the highly anticipated Coachella music festival with my daughter and her friends. I was prepared to ..read more

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