After ‘Mr Bates vs The Post Office’ loses £1m, ITV urged to check if their bookkeeping software is made by Fujitsu
NewsThump Magazine
by Andy Matthews
2h ago
ITV has announced that its hugely successful TV drama, 'Mr Bates vs The Post Office,' was far from a commercial success. It lost about a million pounds, resulting in many viewers urging them to check the software that gave them that figure ..read more
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‘I just don’t trust any jab’, insists woman who happily injects literal poison into her forehead every six months
NewsThump Magazine
by Andy Matthews
21h ago
A woman has today insisted she doesn't trust the government enough to get vaccinated against any 'made up disease', even though she's happy to let a beautician inject literal poison into her forehead three times a year ..read more
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Prison sentences to be introduced for grown-ups who clap when a plane lands
NewsThump Magazine
by Mark Molloy
21h ago
Grown adults who clap when a plane lands are to be given lengthy prison sentences under strict new laws being introduced by the government, it has emerged today ..read more
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Man quietly sings ‘fuck you I won’t do what you tell me’ whilst putting jam on his scone first
NewsThump Magazine
by Davywavy
1d ago
Local Rebel Simon Williams is channelling the spirit of anti-authoritarian rock by rejecting social norms and putting the jam on his scone first, it has emerged today ..read more
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Colleagues rally round Tory MP Hannibal Lector following cannibalism revelations
NewsThump Magazine
by Neil Tollfree
1d ago
The Tory MP Hannibal Lector, who has found himself at the centre of a cannibalism scandal over the weekend, has received fulsome backing from friends and colleagues ..read more
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Brave patriot highlights his love of country and St George by hurling traffic cone at policeman
NewsThump Magazine
by Andy Matthews
2d ago
Lovers of St George have gathered in London to express their patriotism using their preferred communication medium of mindless thuggery and violence ..read more
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Games Workshop further outrages fans by changing name of Corpse Starch to Snickers
NewsThump Magazine
by Davywavy
2d ago
Games Workshop have added to recent controversy in the popular Warhammer 40K line by changing the name of a well-established foodstuff to Snickers, it has emerged ..read more
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Laurence Fox demands Google ‘forget’ St. George was actually a Turkish migrant
NewsThump Magazine
by Andy Matthews
2d ago
Laurence Fox has made a submission to search giant Google via their ‘Right To Forget’ programme, in an effort to remove all online references to St George’s Greek nationality ..read more
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Oppressed English forced to meet in hidden underground locations to safely wish each other a happy Saint George’s Day
NewsThump Magazine
by Lucas Wilde
2d ago
The English are doing their best to celebrate St. George's Day in secret, as it's apparently illegal now ..read more
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Man who hates the concept of ‘self-identification’ delighted that Rwanda has self-identified as ‘safe’
NewsThump Magazine
by Andy Matthews
2d ago
Right-wing Tory voters are today celebrating Rwanda's self-identification as a safe country being enshrined in law, despite his staunch belief that self-identification for transgender individuals is 'absurd ..read more
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