Listen up, you green-beer-guzzling, shamrock-waving lunatics—I’ve had it up to my eyeballs with this St. Patrick’s Day baloney! Every March, the whole country turns into a bunch of giggling, emerald-clad nitwits, prancing around like leprechauns on a bender, and I’m madder than a wet hen in a hailstorm about it! This holiday is nothing but ... READ MORE The post MY AMERICA: “I HATE ST. PATRICK’S DAY” appeared first on Weekly World News ..read more

High Alert Over the High Seas The British Royal Navy found itself in deep water this week after mistaking a particularly gassy whale for a hostile Russian drone. Reports indicate that a routine patrol in the North Sea turned chaotic when sonar operators detected what they believed to be an “unidentified underwater threat” moving erratically ... READ MORE The post The Navy Blows It: Whale Fart Mistaken for Russian Drone 🚢🐋💨 appeared first on Weekly World News ..read more

Folks, I’m so steamed up right now I could melt the paint off a battleship! They’ve gone and done it this time. Plopped a 60-foot Kim Kardashian balloon right smack in the middle of Times Square like it’s some kind of national treasure! I saw the pictures, and let me tell you, I nearly choked ... READ MORE The post I’M MADDER THAN A HORNET IN A BEER CAN OVER THIS KIM KARDASHIAN BALLOON NONSENSE! appeared first on Weekly World News ..read more

A 39-year-old South Carolina man was acquitted of robbing 15 banks in the last twomonths on account of a jury buying his lawyer’s claim that his client had “moral dyslexia”– a condition which caused the defendant to view questions of right and wrong“backwards.” Jerome Shakey, the lawyer for Travis Walleye, explained it thus: “In normal ... READ MORE The post MAN ACQUITTED OF ROBBING BANKS BECAUSE HE HAS “MORAL DYSLEXIA” appeared first on Weekly World News ..read more

I’m madder than a porcupine in a balloon factory over this Zelensky-Trump-Vance circus in the Oval Office last week!  That meeting got my blood pressure higher than a cat’s back in a dog pound. I’m talking about that so-called “meeting” between President Trump and that Ukrainian fella, Zelensky. Now, don’t get me wrong. I love ... READ MORE The post MY AMERICA – GIVE ZELENSKY A GOOD KICK IN THE PANTS appeared first on Weekly World News ..read more

Sparking Joy, Losing Millions: Man Must Buy Landfill After Marie Kondo’d His Drawers, throws out Bitcoin Wallet Lost Bitcoin Wallet Turns Minimalist Dream Into Nightmare A man who once prided himself on decluttering his life now faces an expensive reality—he accidentally threw away a hard drive containing millions in Bitcoin. Inspired by Marie Kondo’s philosophy, ... READ MORE The post Man Must Buy Landfill After Marie Kondo’d His Drawers, throws out Bitcoin Wallet appeared first on Weekly World News ..read more

“Gary Holt Has Parted Ways with Gary Holt… and Also Welcomes Back Gary Holt” In what is being described as the most Groundhog Day-esque moment in thrash metal history, Exodus has fired its entire lineup—including and especially Gary Holt—only to immediately rehire itself. The official statement, released via the band’s Instagram page, read: “Exodus have ... READ MORE The post Exodus Fires Entire Band, Then Rehires Itself appeared first on Weekly World News ..read more

Police corgi Caught “SLEEPING” During Shift In a shocking turn of events, a Chinese police corgi has reportedly been disciplined for being “bored” on the job, proving that no one—not even man’s best friend—is safe from workplace scrutiny. The canine, a highly trained K9 officer, was seen yawning excessively and showing signs of disinterest during ... READ MORE The post Chinese Human Resources Punishes Police Dog for Sleeping at Work—The Internet Can Relate To A corgi appeared first on Weekly World News ..read more

A Shocking Discovery in an Unlikely Place Archaeologists in Greece were left speechless this week after an ancient woman—estimated to be over 2,000 years old—was discovered inside a discarded garbage bag. The bizarre find has stunned experts and left locals questioning how an artifact of such historical significance ended up treated like an empty yogurt ... READ MORE The post Recycling Gone Wrong: 2,000-Year-Old Woman Found in Greek Trash 🏺🗑️📜 appeared first on Weekly World News ..read more

In an unexpected move, the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia has reportedly approached late-90s rock legends Smash Mouth to compose a fresh version of the national anthem, hoping to infuse it with what officials are calling “unstoppable stadium energy.” A Bold Move for a Bold Nation Saudi cultural representatives stated that the kingdom is looking to ... READ MORE The post Saudi Arabia Asks Smash Mouth to Rework National Anthem, Citing “All-Star Energy” 🇸🇦 🌟🎸 appeared first on Weekly World News ..read more