“What’s different in the MAGA Bible?” – 17 unholy ideas
The Poke
by Poke Staff
6h ago
You can’t have missed the news that Donald Trump is flogging ‘American’ bibles at $60 each. It’s going to take a lot of bibles to get him to the $175m he needs to pay in a week, but who knows? Perhaps he’ll be granted a miracle. With the not-exactly-pious former President peddling the amended Good Book, Michael Harriot wondered how the MAGA crowd might change the text if they could get away with it. What’s different in the MAGA Bible? I’ll go first: 1. Adam & Eve get off welfare by rejecting govt handouts & regulation 2. Noah’s Ark uses MERIT-based admission instead of Affirmative Act ..read more
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25 Favourite Funny Tweets of the Week
The Poke
by Poke Staff
7h ago
If you’re lucky enough to live in a place and work in a job that will allow you to enjoy the four-day Easter weekend, congratulations. Now all you have to do is hope the weather is decent enough to let you get some fresh air. Perhaps you might want to save this collection of excellent tweets so you can enjoy them on a rainy bank holiday, but we reckon they’re funny enough to read more than once – so have at it. Do us a favour and share any that make you laugh. 1. If I had murdered someone and Columbo turned up as the detective I would simply not waste everyone’s time trying to get away with i ..read more
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Tim Martin’s claim that Brexit helped Wetherspoons by restoring democracy is fooling nobody
The Poke
by Poke Staff
8h ago
You may recognise Tim Martin, founder and chairman of the Wetherspoons chain of pubs, from his many appearances on Question Time. You may also know the brash Brexiter because of the time he called for special visas for hospitality staff, so that Brexit work rules wouldn’t damage his business. Inevitably, his appearance on Robert Peston‘s show on Wednesday saw him answer this question about Brexit’s effect on Wetherspoons. “The EU had a democratic deficit… I thought the EU was heading in the wrong direction” Wetherspoons boss Tim Martin tells @Peston that Brexit has “restored democracy in the ..read more
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“What was affordable 50 years ago that now only the rich can buy?” – 17 neoluxuries
The Poke
by Poke Staff
11h ago
A question posted on r/AskReddit by u/Dash_Weh_Dat seemed really relevant to the economy we’re living in. Here’s what they asked. What was affordable 50 years ago that now only the rich can buy? Never mind 50 years ago – what was affordable before Liz Truss was PM that only the rich can buy now? There were far too many suggestions to include them all, but these were recurring themes. 1. Urbanredneck2 Via YouTube 2. Natural fibre clothing. Feels impossible to find anything affordable that has mostly cotton. I_Ally 3. Disneyland. Altruistic_kick2068 4. In the UK, the obvious answer to ..read more
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Simply 13 of the funniest and most brutal comebacks that went viral this week
The Poke
by John Plunkett
11h ago
If you like a winning comeback then you’ve come to the right place, our weekly round-up of the funniest and most brutal takedowns that went viral over the last seven days. 1. ‘Hail Mary!’ Happy Holy Week! Let’s Make America Pray Again. As we lead into Good Friday and Easter, I encourage you to get a copy of the God Bless The USA Bible. @TheLeeGreenwood https://t.co/1KK5QgVK85 pic.twitter.com/XoCIeGDpAg — Donald J. Trump Posts From His Truth Social (@TrumpDailyPosts) March 26, 2024 1) He’s never prayed in his life. 2) If that were a real bible, it would burst into a ball of flame. https://t ..read more
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People have been sharing the household nicknames they have for everyday things – 17 absolute winners
The Poke
by John Plunkett
11h ago
Here’s a lovely little insight into what goes on behind people’s closed doors – no, not like that – after idontknow-imaduck asked this over on Reddit. ‘Does your household have alternative names for every day things?’ And idontknow-imaduck had an example to get things rolling. Thanks to these cups we refer to coffee as ‘badgers’. Resulting in us frequently asking each other ‘do you want a badger?’ And it prompted no end of interesting and funny and occasionally totally bamboozling replies. Here are our favourites. 1. ‘One Christmas as a jokey stocking filler present my mum gave me a mini ..read more
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This hilarious ‘men writing women’ fail is surely a user’s guide how not to do this sort of thing … isn’t it?
The Poke
by John Plunkett
12h ago
Literature is littered – littered, we tell you – with abdominal instances of men trying and abjectly failing to write convincing women characters. So much so that there’s a Twitter account dedicated to it – @menwritewomen – and a subReddit devoted to nothing but (r/MenWritingWomen, since you ask). But we’re not sure we’ve ever seen an example quite so jaw-dropping as this, an excerpt which went viral after it was shared by author @JessGraceWrites on Twitter. @menwritewomen pic.twitter.com/IWoniINzKE — Jessica Grace Wright (@JessGraceWrites) March 18, 2024 And here it is again, just in case i ..read more
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Somebody put out a call for people to share their favourite jokes – 16 humdingers
The Poke
by David Harris
12h ago
Writer and podcaster Dan Schreiber was sharing his favourite jokes with a friend when they quickly came to that familiar realisation – jokes are often really difficult to remember. To ease his frustration he went onto Twitter/X and asked his followers to share their favourite jokes which they were more than happy to do. Here’s the original post followed by 16 of the best replies, including quite a few gems that are new to us. My friend Andrew and I are telling each other our favourite jokes, and our memories are failing us (we’ve run out after just 3 jokes) We can’t remember any more. Anyone ..read more
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This ‘favourite moment’ of James Acaster on Hypothetical is taking the edge off another long week
The Poke
by Poke Staff
12h ago
To the world of Dave panel show Hypothetical now, and this particular exchange which has been making everyone’s day better after it was shared by @springleaf over on Twitter. probably my favourite moment from hypothetical Ever pic.twitter.com/jSHxBTsmBj — annie ɞ˚₊‧ (@sprinqleaf) March 24, 2024 Boom. i keep coming back to this clip and giggling why is he just digging himself a deeper hole with everything he says — annie ɞ˚₊‧ (@sprinqleaf) March 24, 2024 His rants on Taskmaster were amazing — Melissa (@sagastaki) March 25, 2024 Still The Awkward Off is the best for me — pixietrue (@pixie ..read more
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This American ‘super commutes’ to beat paying New York rental prices and it’s basically some kind of living hell
The Poke
by John Plunkett
12h ago
You’ll be familiar with the concept of commuting, obviously. Back before 2020 you might even have done it five days a week (today probably less so, until Alan Sugar gets his way, obviously). But are you aware of the ‘super commute’? And we don’t just mean when you train turns up on time. No, the ‘super commute’ is what this American does in a bid to beat the outrageous apartment prices in New York. But if this really is the answer then we think we’d avoid answering the question entirely. Because, well, look. This should be illegal pic.twitter.com/cBWd15dQRQ — herbal left enjoyer (@SlurricaneH ..read more
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