I remember the major adjustments that came with adopting two children from Russia. These two kids came to us not having experienced much love, and it was our job to show them their value. But no matter how hard we tried, the early days were tough because of their childhood traumas. I remember being face to face on the floor with my son saying “I love you” over and over until his anger and fears melted away. My words mattered to him. Your words are powerful. We have written about that over the years many times and even discussed it on an episode of the All Pro Dad podcast. Words can build up or ..read more

I like to leave notes around the house for my wife, Susan. I’ve done it for years and she’s really appreciated them. I’d leave a sticky note with messages like “You caffeinate me!” on the coffee pot or “Checking you out…” on the bathroom mirror. My motivation was solely to make her feel good. I wanted her to know I cared about her deeply. I wanted her to know I was thinking about her even when I was not around. Husbands, especially in the beginning of a marriage, seem to spend a lot of time learning what makes their wives feel loved. That’s part of the fun of marriage, and it gets easier to fi ..read more

“Self-care” can be a confusing term. When you hear it, you may picture anything from taking a day spa trip to spending afternoons in a hammock. Self-care doesn’t mean laziness. It means recharging yourself. This is important as a parent and a spouse but also as a leader. In fact, self-care in leadership is a necessity. Leading anyone in anything can’t happen if you’re unprepared. Self-care in leadership means preparing yourself mentally, physically, and emotionally to handle problems for the people you’re leading. This applies to CEOs, working dads, stay-at-home moms, and everyone in between ..read more

I remember walking in on an argument between my wife, Susan, and one of our kids. Their discussion didn’t seem to be progressing very well and I decided to step in. Unfortunately, that just made things worse. Unintentionally, I started speaking to both of them like they were kids, which really upset Susan. She was right to be angry with me. She’s an adult, and speaking to her the same way I spoke to a child was belittling. I was just trying to fix things, but I never considered how my tone would make my wife feel. This can easily happen in marriage without us even realizing it. What other thin ..read more

When my friend decided to sell his house, the home inspection revealed cracks in the foundation. His realtor told him that no one would buy the house until the foundation was secured. Cracks in the foundation, even small ones, can make the structure of the house unstable. So, it’s important for it to be solid. The same is true about marriage. A foundation of love, care, and sacrifice will lead to a strong marriage. However, there are negative attitudes and behaviors that are cracks and can cause major relational problems, even when they appear small. It’s important to root out these things. Th ..read more

Dr. James Dobson once said, “Respect is intended to operate on a two-way street.” The key words are “intended to operate.” It would be great to live in a “two-way street” world where everyone felt respected, not just for their accomplishments but for their humanity. We don’t live in that world, and I can only manage my side of the street. I can’t control how others behave or react. I am only responsible for what I do, say, and write. I choose to show respect regardless of reciprocation. Here are 5 reasons to respect others no matter what. 1. Nobody is perfect. This is obvious, but some people ..read more

Sitting at a red light as a teenager, a friend’s brother had a feeling something wasn’t quite right. He looked down and realized he’d forgotten to put on his seatbelt. So he buckled it and took off as the light turned green. Before reaching the next intersection, his car was crushed by an out-of-control drunk driver. His leg was shattered, but his life was spared. That little decision to buckle his seatbelt moments earlier protected him. In marriage, prayer is like a seatbelt—vital protection. I have been married to Susan for over 35 years, and every year has been filled with prayer. Through t ..read more

In a standard game of darts, the highest point total a player can score on a single throw is 60 points. It’s a high-risk shot because the 60-point space is tiny and hard to hit. If the competitor misses just slightly, that throw could wind up being worth a measly one point. In darts, the difference between winning and losing is determined by a fraction of an inch. In leadership, missing the mark, or not being understood, can also be costly. Problems arise when, as leaders, we think we’re hitting the bullseye, but we are unknowingly off-target. This is a recipe for repeating what isn’t working ..read more

I have a pool in my back yard, and I can’t stand seeing it dirty. So when leaves fall in or dirt builds up on the bottom, I like to go outside and clean it. The toughest part is scrubbing the pool’s walls, which would be impossible to do without the giant brush on a pole that I have. It even reaches the corners. The right tool can make a job easier and leave you feeling more satisfied. That’s true for pools and for marriages. Making your marriage look and feel its best requires the right tools as well. Here are 4 tools your spouse wishes you used more. 1. Your Calendar You can tell a lot about ..read more

A friend of mine knows a lot about people who don’t listen—sometimes, his 4-year-old daughter is one of them. She loves one particular skirt and, one day, she wanted to wear it for a second day in a row, despite being told not to since it was very dirty. My friend told his toddler to put on a pair of white pants instead. She decided it would be a better idea to ruin the pants with a red permanent marker and dig her favorite skirt out of the laundry basket. My friend was irritated that his child chose not to listen. Truthfully, we do the same thing. Sometimes, we’re all people who don’t listen ..read more